


Gestures

by Fethawit



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Awkwardness, Eventual Romance, Female Reader, Female Relationships, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Humour, Light-Hearted, Multi, Originally Posted on deviantART, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut, he turns into a total fool in love, the 104th squad are just the cutest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 07:14:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 58,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11053971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fethawit/pseuds/Fethawit
Summary: Actions speak a lot louder than words - that was a saying that you and the Captain lived by, for sure. As Levi’s personal assistant, you showed the whole world just how much he meant to you through little actions and meticulous gestures, accommodating for every one of his needs and quirks while making it seem effortless. All the while, Levi was oblivious to it all. He didn’t notice that his work was getting finished earlier, that he was sleeping more hours, that he was finally eating every meal of the day. His life was just better with you by his side.But all this changed when you were promoted. Levi no longer had someone to make his perfect cup of tea, or run around HQ dropping off papers and setting the most efficient schedule. You had a squad to look after, and Levi had a new (less than substantial) assistant. Realising just how much you did for him might have come too late as the both of you learn how distance really does make the heart grow fonder.





	1. Last Day

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first x Reader! Please take care of me!
> 
> PFC = Private First Class, like the ‘soldier’ rank. One rank above cadet/trainee.  
> [f/n] = first name  
> [l/n] = last name

Squad leader, huh?

You grinned at nobody in particular while toying with the glistening new insignia between your fingers. Every time you turned it a certain way, a slim glint of light would reflect off the rim.

 _‘Squad leader [l/n].’_  You repeated to yourself. 

 _‘I can’t wait to tell Nanaba. Oh, gosh. The look on her face when she finds out!’_  Picturing it in your head already, you brought your hand to your mouth as you let out staggered breaths through your nose, laughing silently. Her usually calculated eyes would go wide with shock; her jaw would hang slack in a half-gasp, half-smile for her best friend’s promotion. 

You leant back on your chair and took a deep breath, simply content with letting it all sink in. Shutting your eyes, you recalled the moments from just hours ago in your head.

* * *

 

“It’s about goddamn time!”

A hearty chuckle resonated through your superior’s office as you jutted your hip to the side, hand resting on it. Evident in your eyes and lips was a smile as you stared at the back of your Commander’s head. He was looking out of the window behind his desk. While you couldn’t see his face, you could hear a smile in his voice.

“Indeed, [l/n],” he cleared his throat. “Five years of service, hm?”

“Yes, sir! It seems like just yesterday you were scolding me for skipping academics,” you chimed, clutching the shining insignia of a squad leader to your chest.

In return, you received a tame laugh from the man.

“How you’ve grown, little [f/n],” he said as he turned from his place to look at you, his lips pulled into a taut smile.

He took in your features, feeling his blue eyes examine your posture intently. They were so deep, yet always so unreadable and cold. Reading him was just out of your reach, as was the sky the colours mirrored. He was so contradictory – outwardly friendly and pragmatic during downtime, yet so… impossible.

You were pulled from your thoughts as you heard the last few words of his sentence—

“—won’t you?”

 

“Wh—?” you trailed, looking like a startled doe.

“Your papers as a Squad Leader.”

“What about them?”

Sheepishly, you scratched an imaginary itch on the back of your neck.

“Come and collect them at twenty-one-hundred. You’ll need to keep them on your person at all times from now on.” You watched intently as he strode towards you, placing a firm and controlled hand on your shoulder. “Welcome to the ranks, Squad Leader [l/n].”

The grin on your face could only grow as you saluted your comrade with a head held high, your fist pounding over your chest as it clutched the pristine insignia.

“Yes sir, Commander Erwin, sir!”

 

* * *

 

Uncontrollable giggles left you as you flailed your legs.

No more sitting at the PFC table with the rest of the first rank soldiers!

No more sleeping in shared quarters! Privacy—thank god! Some privacy!

No more mundane errands for the Captain--

_Oh._

_Oh, wait._

The chair you were perched on screeched as it was suddenly dragged backwards. You pushed yourself away from the table you were sitting at, nearly tripping over your own two feet as you rushed to lean outside of the window.

‘Thank Sina!’ you thought to yourself while you released a breath you didn’t even know you were holding. The sundial in the courtyard indicated that it was just before six – still time for your not-so-official duty.

Nevertheless, you hurried to the mess hall, your leather boots patting on the cobblestone floor enthusiastically while you paced through the doors.

Greeting subordinates and privates as you walked through the hall, you vigorously made a hand gesture towards a particularly handsome young woman, pawing at her attention. When she looked up from her tray of food, she sparked a slight smile and gently waved back. 

 _‘Gosh, Nanaba is so pretty,’_  you mused to yourself. 

“I’ll come see you at nine,” you called to her as you walked backwards towards your destination, but still facing her. Your friend gave you a thumbs up and a kind glint in her eyes, flickering butterflies in your stomach.

_‘It’s unfair for a girl to be that fine.’_

You weren’t particularly into girls, but there was something – perhaps it was Nanaba’s androgyny – that confused your sexuality. Her warm eyes and certain expressions she only seemed to save for you, her boyish undercut that showed off her prominent jawline…

Pushing through the doors to the kitchen, you spotted the unlucky cadets on kitchen duty tonight.

“Gooooood afternoon, cadets!” you yelled out to them, glancing at their clearly exhausted forms. Luckily for them, dinner rush seemed to just be ending.

“Hey, [f/n],” said the cadet with mousy brown hair, lazily looking up from his chopping board.

“Nu-uh, Kirschtein!” you waggled your finger at the cadet as he quizzically raised his dark eyebrow. “That’s Squad Leader [f/n] to you, now!” you boasted, earning some excited gasps in your direction.

“No way!” squalled a shorter boy, his hair buzzed extremely neatly. “When did that happen?”  You watched as he nearly dropped a ladle into the large stock pot, snickering slightly at him.

An even smaller blonde girl trotted towards you excitedly, who made sure to wipe her hands on her apron before she took yours. “That’s wonderful news!” her voice rang, her big blues sparkling with sincerity. “I’m so glad – it was bound to happen anytime soon!” You gave her a lopsided grin and her hair a familiar ruffle.

“You’re too sweet, Lenz—” you were about to go on about your promotion until you realised— **“Hey!”** the subordinates flinched, “story time for later! Back to work! Springer, light another burner for me, medium heat,” you barked as you strode towards the cabinets.

You hummed to yourself in contentedness when you heard the sounds of kitchen work resume. Pulling out a pristine teapot, a pouch of tea leaves and a tea diffuser fashioned to look like a swan, you laid them out on a counter. Ticking off a mental checklist, you filled the teapot until it contained two inches of water and instructed Kirschtein to pop it onto the free burner while you measured the leaves. Pulling a handkerchief from your breast pocket, you tentatively gave the diffuser a good wipe and dropped the material onto the counter before carefully measuring exactly six grams of elderflower earl grey leaves into it.

Perfect.

By then the water in the teapot was hot enough to take off the burner since the tiny amount only took a few moments to boil. You swirled the boiling water around, making sure all of the surface area from the inside had been warmed up, softening the limescale that had collected throughout the day, making sure to wipe it off while the hot water had softened it. Rinsing the teapot from the dirty (you didn’t really think it was dirty, but you knew the Captain would beg to differ) water, you filled it again, this time totally, before placing it back on the burner to boil.

While you waited for that, you made sure to wipe down two teacups, two saucers… what else…? Ah! You placed two teaspoons onto the counter—

“You really know what you’re doing, don’t you, [f/n]?” said the tallest cadet. You only hummed a reply in concentration, making sure not to leave a single spot unwiped.

“I goddamn better. Three and a half of this shit, Kirschtein,” you smiled broadly, looking to him for a brief moment before going back to wiping. “Three years and a half of being that small man’s personal assistant. No more, I say!” Wiggling your shoulders in celebration, you were ecstatic about having another private (or unfortunate cadet) take your place instead. You had your specialised job down to an art – you had to, after all that time you spent running his mini missions.

Imagine all the free time you’d have now! Not having to spend it running from office to office, being the Captain’s personal courier would leave so much free time on your hands, you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself! Actually… maybe you’d have some paperwork, but still…

You held the back of your hand to the side of the teapot. Too hot, and the leaves would burn and taste bitter. Not hot enough, and the tea would be too weak. But thankfully, it was substantial enough to turn the burner off. Carefully, you lifted the teapot onto a serving tray, followed by the tea diffuser. While counting in your head the seconds that passed, you placed two saucers next to the teapot, and one plain teacup alongside a more ornate one. You filled the time by rubbing away any spots and blemishes of the tray. Periodically lifting the top of the teapot to check the colour, you decided it was absolutely perfect once it hit six minutes. Pink lips pursed into a proud smile to yourself as you removed the diffuser and took a teaspoon and sipped at the liquid.

Ah, how exemplary as always, me!

You placed the teaspoon into your pocket, so you’d be sure that your superior wouldn’t use the one you had put in your mouth.

The sugar! Nearly forgot!

You jolted into action, finding a tiny bowl to spoon sugar into and having it accompany the teacups on the tray.

The Captain didn’t always have sugar with his tea. You tried observing some kind of pattern but you came to the conclusion that sometimes he had his tea with sugar, and sometimes he didn’t. You put it on the tray always to make sure anyway.

Nodding to yourself, you knew that you had everything done. Just in time for the short man to begin his evening bout of paperwork.

You lifted the tray carefully and said your goodbyes to the youngsters of the room, a chorus of ‘goodbye!’s and ‘see ya later!’s following you. Weaving through the rush of people tootling around to enjoy their evening of free time, you expertly walked backwards to open doors to his office, or pushed them open with your hips – all while keeping the tray flawlessly level. It wasn’t long until you found yourself to his door. Gently, your leather boot met his door three times.

**Tap tap tap.**

“Captain Levi, sir,” you said loud enough for the person inside to hear.

You received an expected and curt, “enter.” 

He wouldn’t ask for your name and business like he would for others. He’d heard it enough times, at this exact time of the day to know who it was, and what it was for.

Balancing the tray with your left hand, you turned the door handle with your right and pushed yourself inside. You gave him a one-handed salute with your free right hand, still keeping the tray of tea upright.

He didn’t bother to look up from his documents. Instead, he opted for moving some items on his desk around and tilted his head towards the space he made. You obediently placed the tray down and immediately began to serve the tea, making sure to pour the amber liquid into the decorated teacup first before your own plainer one. Happily, you took your teacup and saucer into your hands and wiggled into one of the chairs in front of his desk, and watched as he picked up his own cup by the rim, followed by the small bowl of sugar.

Hm. Today’s a sugar day.

It was one of the few moments of your schedule that you could just sit down and relax. Even if you were sitting across from your superior, this had happened enough times that you could just—

“[l/n].”

You looked up from your cup to turn your attention to the Captain. His eyes were locked onto the tray, strands of charcoal black cascading over his permanently fixed expression. 

“Sir?”

“You forgot the teaspoon.”

Oh. I left the other teaspoon on the goddamn counter.

“My—” god fucking “—my apologies, sir! I’ll go downstairs immediate—”

You were already setting down your cup back onto the tray and getting ready to leave when you heard him grunt as he exhaled.

“No need, [l/n],” he was returning the bowl of sugar back to its place on the tray and you stopped him mid-action.

Holding your hand in a ‘halt’ action, you pursed your lips while reaching for the teaspoon in your pocket. You saw his eyes move from the tray to your hands, his expression unchanging and voice silent. Reaching for the handkerchief you always kept in your breast pocket to wipe down the spoon, you—

No fucking way.

Not the handkerchief too.

You mentally kicked yourself, mouthing a silent ‘fuck’. It earned the slightest twitch of curiosity on the Captain’s eyebrow. But still, he held his hand over his desk and towards the spoon, humming perplexingly when you pulled it closer to yourself, just out of his reach.

“I used it, sir,” you puffed your cheeks out bashfully, embarrassed at your uncharacteristic mistakes. “To taste a bit of the tea before bringing it here.”

“And?”

Frankly, you were pretty taken aback.

He still wanted your teaspoon? After it had already been used?

“Sir, I already, used it!” you foolishly repeated yourself.

“I can hear, [l/n].”

With lips parted in confused at his disregard for hygiene, you handed him the spoon anyway, your eyes not leaving the utensil as he pinched the handle, using it to spoon a little bit of sugar into his steaming teacup. You couldn’t even look at his teacup when he used the spoon to mix his tea with the same spoon that was previously in your mouth.

You sat back down, taking quite a while to get comfortable again. Deciding to peek over your teacup while taking a sip, you nearly choked when your eyes met his.

The eye contact was jolting like lightning. Stormy eyes seemed to hold yours captive as you watched him slip the teaspoon between his lips. He sucked on the spoon and—

You coughed and pulled your teacup away from your mouth, tearing your eyes away from his. 

What the hell was that?

You swear you heard a single, quick exhale, like a sneer. But when you glanced back at the Captain, his eyes were closed, expression relaxed as he swallowed your tea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! <3


	2. Illuminate

Shuffling through one of the storage sheds, you grew frustrated at how awfully disorganised it was inside. The ache in your lower back was beginning to get unbearable from leaning over all evening.

_'God. The Captain would hate it in here.'_

You stomped your foot in irritation while standing back up, yelping as your head smacked against a low hanging shelf. And  _mother fucker_ , did it hurt. The throbbing at the back of your head only angered you more. You pressed your palm against the bump and hissed at the dull pain it emitted. Stupid storage shed. Stupid candles and stupid lights. Stupid.  _Stupid._

You let out another squeak as something rolled off the shelf and onto your head.

You were all out of good luck, weren’t you?

Just about ready to throw the world’s biggest hissy fit, you whipped around to find whatever awful thing dropped onto you and throw it against the wa–

 _Ah._ It was the exact candle you were looking for.

Thankfully the stick of wax didn’t break when it fell. So you bent over to pick it up. While running your thumb against the engravings of the wax, you could feel the throbbing in your head subsiding quietly away. You could only sigh as you waited for it to ebb away completely. But it never quite did, even after a while.

 _‘Stärke’,_  the candle read.

The Scouting Legion was low on funds. You knew that already. After all, who would want to invest in an organisation that people took as a joke? To compensate, the Scouting Legion took what they could. Spare candles from Wall Worshippers was one of those things. You knew that they weren’t all bad though. As was the truth with a lot of things.

You hummed to yourself as you turned to the shelf the candle fell from, finding messy pyramids of candles in abundance. Taking two in each hand for now, you huffed as the pain from the bump hadn’t quite subsided yet. But never mind that. You had to make your way to the Captain’s office. You didn’t just go collecting candles and slamming your head into things as a hobby.

While you walked through the significantly emptied halls, you had only your own thoughts with you. It hadn’t struck you until the past hour quite yet. You knew you wouldn’t need to serve the Captain alongside your own duties anymore, which you were glad about. Perhaps you have some kind of responsibility on your shoulders though, to pass on your findings as the Captain’s long-term assistant to the next generation.

You scoffed at how ridiculous you were being. You were acting as if you were some sort of historian, uncovering secrets that nobody else knew.

It dawned on you that perhaps… just perhaps, that was actually the case.

Secrets nobody else knew, you meant.

Little ones like Levi’s drawer. The second one down to his right. It was filled with ripped patches, some bloodied, some torn into fractions. The wings of freedom that a soldier once emblazoned. He kept what he could.

Or did you know that even Humanity’s Strongest could get ill sometimes? You recalled the time that the man nearly worked himself to death, despite suffering from awful migraines and shooting temperatures. You remembered how he tried to kick you out of his office because  _'you’ll catch some shitty germs and spread them all over this shitty place.’_  Though you knew that his little, abrasive way of saying, _'I don’t want you to get ill.’_

You remembered how it was one of the few times you disobeyed him. Well. You supposed you technically didn’t. The Captain instructed you to make tea, to help him stay up while he finished the last of his condolence letters. You gave him his tea. It was simply decaffeinated. So when you checked up on him an hour later, you guiltily observed the way he had fallen asleep on his desk, breathing laboured and posture probably uncomfortable. All you could really do for him at that point was find a cloak in his quarters to drape over his shoulders, and carefully move his chin so he wouldn’t wake with a stiff neck. You recalled ending the night sat under waning candlelight next to Mike and Nanaba, with you having stolen a few dozen sheets of parchment from your superior’s office along with the briefing of deceased soldiers. You begged your two friends to help you do the Captain’s work for him, promising to help them in return sometime. 

Smiling to yourself, you thought about how you later handed them to Erwin and begged – utterly pleaded for the man to tell the Captain that he had already given them in and that he must’ve been too ill to remember writing them and turning them in himself.

You found yourself wondering quite bittersweetly if your replacement would go to such extents. Hopefully, they would understand that the Captain would deserve nothing less.

All that reminiscing and daydreaming seemed to make time simply flash by. You were already stood at the Captain’s weathered door. With your boot, you tapped, like you always did.

**Tap tap tap.**

“Sir,” you called.

“Enter.”

You tried to open the door with your elbow, as your hands were full. It made you wonder why you didn’t just take a bag with you to put all the candles in. It took a go or two but you managed to enter, noticing that the Captain was still in the same position as when you left him. Deciding not to bother him with needless conversation, you got to work with replacing the candles that were reduced to tiny stumps. It wasn’t dark enough to light them yet, but you had noticed earlier that they were beginning to burn out.

Just one of the many little things you did for Captain Levi.

“Another tray of tea, if you will, [l/n],” he commanded, fixated on reading the documents in his hand.

“Ah, I’m sorry, sir,” you bit your lip. “I have to see Commander Erwin straight after this.” This caught his attention, and his eyes flicked towards you as you were still replacing a candle. “Besides, it’s a little late, is it not? You won’t be able to sleep earlier if you have tea now,” you continued, mumbling a forgotten 'sir’ at the end of your sentence.

He was silent for a moment, simply observing you as you worked. You felt his gaze, but you didn’t flinch. You had gotten used to the stoic man aeons ago. Taking the stumps of candle wax in your hand, you figured that each stick still had an hour’s worth of wax still – you often used what was left of the candle to take to your own shared quarters.

“However if you insist, I will return with a tray after the Commander is done with me,” you turned to the seated man, giving him a polite smile. “Although I cannot guarantee promptness.”

Two pairs of eyes met. “That will be fine.”

He simply went back to work. You set the four candle stumps onto the Captain’s couch and told him you’d be back to collect them later. A hum of acknowledgement was the only reply while you excused yourself.

You returned again to your own thoughts as you walked down the lonely halls. Your footsteps echoed while you thought to yourself.

_Perhaps I’ll write some sort of guide or checklist. Help the new assistant out somehow._

_My first duty as squad leader shall be to train them._

Laughing quietly under your breath at the thought, you found yourself in front of the Commander’s door. You could hear voices inside.

**Knock knock knock.**

“Who is ittt!” sang a female voice.

You had to look up for a moment to read the brass plaque on the door, checking to see if you were at the right office. Which you were.

“[f/n] [l/n]. I’m here to collect official documents from the commander, ma'am.”

Erwin’s voice followed, “you may enter.”

“Oouh! I figured it would be you getting the promotion!” called Hange as you briskly walked through the door. She stood without her uniform jacket over her yellow button up.

“Squad Leader Hange, Commander Erwin!” you barked, giving them a salute. Hange simply waved it off.

“We’re the same rank now! No need for that. You really think I still salute when I see Erwin?” the brunette grinned. Her smile was too contagious. You couldn’t help but return it.

“Yes, ma'am– Hange,” you brought a hand to your mouth, trying to conceal the silly grin in your face.

You squeaked as the woman yelled and threw her arms over you. “I’m so glad! Erwin, [f/n] deserves it more than anyone!”

Her freakishly strong embrace shocked you as you tried to squirm out, but you gave up trying to break from her vice bear hug. All you could do was neatly wrap your arms around her, much to Hange’s delight. She emitted a high pitched and loud hum while squeezing you harder.

_Wall Maria, I can’t breath–_

“Enough, Hange.”

_Oh thank god_

She loosened her grip around her friend and pouted slightly. You laughed as you wiggled away from her arms and turned your attention to the towering Commander. In his hands was an envelope, unsealed, with papers inside it. Those must be the official documents to prove you were a Squad Leader. Timidly, you accepted the envelope when your superior held it out to you.

“I won’t let you down, Commander, sir!” you beamed while clutching the envelope.

He nodded firmly, with a smile gracing his lips.

“Miss Hange Zoë here will be somewhat of a mentor for now,” he gestured towards the woman who practically vibrated with excitement. “If you have any queries, she will be the one to–”

“I’ll be the one to help you out!” Hange leapt at you again, cuddling you much softer than before. You relished in the affection from your friend.

“Thank you so much, sir!”

People would normally question why a (former) Private First Class was so comfortable around their superiors. Especially when one was draped over your shoulders and the other had his hand firmly grasping your arm, standing over you. But the Captain had sent you to see them so many times – probably hundreds of times! – that you knew better than to be nervous. That didn’t mean you weren’t respectful, though.

“Oh!” your outburst stopped Hange mid-chatter while she showered you in affectionate babbles. “Captain Levi–”

“What about him?” your head snapped up by a few inches at the familiar, but piercing voice. You looked to the side to see the short man leaning on the doorframe with his arms crossed. “When you said you needed to see Erwin I wasn’t expecting the beginnings of a gangbang.”

Your jaw dropped.

“Sir–!”

You were used to his vulgarity, but that was just too much!

“I was wondering why you needed my assistant and not me,” his monotone voice resonated as you noticed him eyeing the letter in your hand.

“No way are you getting in on this  _ménage a trois!_ ” teased the veteran squad leader. You slapped the arm that was draped across your shoulder while a light pink was dusted across your cheeks.

“Hange!” you squeaked.

“Idiot, do you even speak French?” scoffed the ravenette. “Whatever. [l/n]. Tea,” he ordered while tipping his head in the direction down the hallway.

Hange whines when you shimmied from her embrace. “Sir!” you nodded before taking strides towards the mess hall kitchen, envelope still held to your chest with a smile.

In all your concentration to get to the kitchen, you failed to notice the Captain’s eyes trained on your back. He watched intently you as you walked away from him, and let out a deep exhale once you were out of sight. The Captain closed his eyes as he stepped into Erwin’s office and shut the door behind him. He knew he was going to have a long talk with his two comrades.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! And thank you so much for your Kudos and comments! <3


	3. In Passing

_“Nanaba, you’re so good w-with your hands…”_

“Haha, thank you [f/n].”

A rugged sigh left your lips. “Oh wow, that’s good. Right– right there.”

The woman’s slender fingers worked at you more vigorously, making you whine at her mercy.

“Wall Maria, your back rubs are amazing!”

Your best friend released a low chuckle while her hands continued to massage your tense shoulders. “I think it might just be how high strung you are right now.”

“I’m always high strung, girl.”

“Not surprised. Captain shorty always has you on an errand,” she said before humming in contemplation. “And if he hasn’t told you to do something, you’re still finding jobs for yourself anyway.”

There was no reply. Biting your lip, you realised that you had no real retort this time. She was right.

“He’s a busy man, Nanaba. Humanity’s Strongest can’t be wasting time stacking books, or sorting junk mail.”

You felt your best friend spin the office chair you were sitting in so that you were facing her. A sideways smile accompanied the raised eyebrow on her face.

“That’s not what you said when you started this job,” she teased.

Folding your arms, you huffed and pouted slightly. “Yeah well–! I didn’t notice at the start just how much he does.” Your eyes met hers as you looked up at the woman who stood in front of you. “He personally handwrites his letters to the families of fallen soldiers, you know. He even finds their uniform to package along with it.”

The thought made you sigh gently. You brought your hands to your chest.

“It’s the little gestures someone does that shows what a person’s like. You’re conscious about the big ones. But not the little ones,” you continued, interlinking your own hands. “His little gestures don’t go as unnoticed as he thinks they do, though.”

“Man, you have it bad,” the blonde mumbled under her breath.

You kicked her shin, which made her grunt and recoil while she yelped a quiet, ‘hey!’

“I thought we talked about this!” you whined.

“Oh come on! You act like you’re his wife – and don’t you deny it!” she laughed as she flicked your forehead.

“Ow!” pushing away her hand as you whined, you scrunched your nose in disapproval. “No, Nanaba. I act like his assistant. You’re just jealous because I pay attention to him more!”

You stuck your tongue out playfully, but immediately regretted it when you saw her smile shrink. With slumped shoulders, you folded into Nanaba’s office chair a little.

“…Sorry…”

Just as quickly as it disappeared, your friend’s warm smile returned. But it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Don’t be silly, [f/n],” the woman weakly replied. She spun her seat back around, so you were looking away. “Anyway, do you know who is taking your place yet?”

Furrowing your eyebrows, you made a 'nu-uh’ sound.

“Not surprised. Who in the world could possibly outdo you?” Nanaba said in a wistful, melodramatic tone.

 

There was a long, awfully drawn out silence. Strain seeped back into your shoulders.

For now, your eyes concentrated on the dying candlelight.

 

“Listen, about that nigh–”

“Forget about it, [f/n]. I’m… it was a desperate situation. We both–” she was silent for a moment. “ **I**  wasn’t thinking straight.”

 

Another pause.

 

You stood from your seated position and moved to stand in front of her. The posture you braved was confident. But Nanaba’s steel blue eyes looked away from yours, just as they were about to meet. A slight smile graced your lips when your fingertips barely touched the blonde’s prominent jawline.

Ah yes, that brought her eyes back to yours.

“What are yo–”

“Nanaba, I’m glad we’re friends,” you quietly chimed, voice soft and smile genuine. “…But that’s all we can be. I don’t think it’s fair to you if we do… you know.”

Her head tilted into your touch, a bittersweet simper on her thin lips. She closed her eyes, simply happy to be feeling your affection. “I know,” she sighed. “I’m glad we could still be friends too.”

She opened her eyes to search for yours, but they widened as she caught you leaning in to innocently kiss her cheek, standing on your toes to reach her. The kiss only lasted half a second. Before Nanaba even had the time to engrave the sensation onto her memory, you pulled away.

“I have to go,” you meekly croaked. You looked at your boots.

“To Levi?” she replied, voice just as weak.

“To Levi.”

Another deep exhale escaped your lips when you felt her quietly kiss your forehead. Always so gentle and chaste.

“To Levi…” she repeated, which you thought was odd.

As she stepped away from you, her eyes never left your frame. You were illuminated by the diminishing flicker of the candle and the moonlight that poured through the window. It doused your sweet figure in a celestial glow.

The woman dragged her eyes from your posture to look to the window instead. You noticed her leer seemed unfocused. Even though she was facing the window, it didn’t seem like she was looking at anything in particular.

Stepping back by a single space yourself, your wrists met your chest.

“Goodnight, Nanaba.”

“Goodnight, [f/n].”

You were in no rush to leave her office. But just before you shut the door behind you, you heard her blow out the single candle she had lit in the room. When you heard the 'click’ of the door shutting, your shoulders dropped and arms fell slack. You felt guilty, knowing she held genuine feelings for you, while you simply had a greedy infatuation. No, it wouldn’t be fair to her. Not to mention when she did confess her feelings, you told her you had no time for a relationship – your job as the Captain’s assistant had taken all of your free time as it was. And now that you were a Squad Leader, it might’ve entailed even less spare hours. You didn’t quite know yet.

She deserved better than a half-assed relationship with someone too busy to function – you weren’t even going return to the self-conflict of possibly being interested in women. That had taken up enough of your night thoughts already.

You shook your head and began to stride towards the Captain’s office.

No. You were a soldier. A newly appointed Squad Leader.

You had bigger things to ponder.

More important jobs to do.

Bringing your fist against the wood, you noticed the yellow, flickering light poking between the cracks under the door.

With a heavy heart and shoulders even more locked than before, you tapped your knuckles against the hard wood.

**Knock knock knock.**

“Captain Levi, sir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little more Nanaba-centred. I realised in the middle of writing it that it didn't really have anything to do with what people would be interested in so call it uh... character building or something -- background information on why Reader-chan interacts with Nanaba in certain ways for future chapters! It's just a little snippet of story, and a sprinkle of you and Levi.
> 
> I also found out today that Nanaba is like 5'8! She's really tall!


	4. Stärke

Morning light assaulted your eyes as the rays peeked through the windows. Even from shut eyes, you could see red blotches where the sun hit you. A tiny mewl left your chapped lips from the various pockets of pain in your body. Your eyes squeezed tighter.  
  
Joints strained with muscle pains. Must’ve been from training.  
  
Your head had a dull ache to it. You recall banging your head the day before.  
Tight to the point where they hurt, your shoulders strained. You’ll ask Nanaba to help you later–  
  
You groaned again when consciousness slid back into your person. That was right – you had your awkward exchange with the blonde just last night. You hoped that the tension wouldn’t persist past breakfast. The back of your hand came to shield your face from the slots of sunlight as you opened your wary eyes. It was to no avail. Little streaks still poked through your limp fingers. It would have looked scenic had you not any pain to focus on instead.  
  
As quietly as you could, you propped yourself onto your elbow, wincing slightly when a sharp creak of the bed pierced the silent room. However, looking around the barracks, it seemed everyone else was still sound asleep, and you couldn’t help but notice that this would be your last time waking up in the awfully cramped room. You couldn’t help but let the corners of your lips curl up into a reserved grin. As much as you enjoyed the company of your comrades at times, it would be heavenly to finally have your own quarters.  
  
After rubbing the remnants of sleep from your eyes, you swung your legs around to the side of your bed and held your breath as you stretched your limbs, stiff from underuse. You leant down to pull out the cot drawer under your bed and leisurely dressed, deciding to opt out of your harnesses for now. No, no. All of the clinking from the belts would be too loud. It would be better to do it when everyone else was awake, or somewhere quieter. While straightening and tucking your shirt into your white uniform pants, you scoffed at the age old memory of your first few nights at the shared barracks. Some (but very few) had no problem with changing in front of others. Most, however, were a little shyer and reluctant – even going as far as to waking up earlier than everyone else just to change in not-so-private privacy. But now, none of you really cared. You were all the same gender in these barracks anyway.  
  
As you tiptoed from the barracks, you tried to mute the tinkering of the belts you held tightly in your hands. It was minimal noise, thankfully. You shut the door behind you gently before skipping down the hallway, leaning against a window that overlooked the courtyard’s sundial. The shadows hadn’t even touched the ‘VI’ engraved into the stone yet. There were plenty of things the Captain required in the morning. And as far as you were aware, you had yet to be replaced.  
  
You quickly made your way to the Captain’s office, nodding polite greetings, and quietly sang an occasional 'good morning’ to your fellow early risers. They were mostly part of Hange’s 'Titan Research & Development’ sector. Not a single one looked well rested - the poor bastards. Must’ve pulled another all-nighter doing some kind of weird experiment.  
  
Fishing your uniform pockets as you closed in on the Captain’s office, you pulled out a scratched and tarnishing key, and unlocked the door. Technically, a simple private shouldn’t have been in possession of a master key. But the Captain had tossed it at you haphazardly one day, claiming that you were, to quote,  _'too by-the-book to do anything stupid anyway’._  And he was right. You only ever used it to enter his office outside of waking hours (with good reason, of course) and once to peek into the higher ups’ showers – which, by the way, were  _immaculate_.  
  
Feeling the satisfying click of the lock, you jiggled the door handle. But the resistance made you furrow your eyebrows. Had the lock gotten jammed? You turned the key again, perplexingly humming when it worked the second time as you pushed the door open.  
  
You had to press a hand to your mouth in order to mute a gasp. In front of you was your superior, leaning on his desk, his back steadily rising and falling, suggesting a deep sleep. Observing for just a moment longer, you pocketed the key and shut the door behind you before you set your harnesses onto one of the seats. Noticing that the candles were still barely burning (but reduced to stumps), you blew them out, mentally noting that you’d have to replace them again tonight. You sighed to yourself.  
  
The door lock wasn’t jammed. It was simply never locked in the first place.  
  
Annoyance wriggled its way beneath your skin. He usually tells you when he plans on staying up or tells you to fetch him more tea around the 10 o'clock mark, indicating that he’d be having another late night. And you would periodically check on him, or remain in his office – to fulfil your job as his assistant and keep him in line. Otherwise… well…  _this_  would happen.  
  
As you tiptoed to his side, you noticed that even in his sleep, his eyebrows were tightly knit. You sighed at the poor sight. The Captain was sprawled on top of his papers (you hoped he hadn’t fallen asleep with the ink still wet), and one side of his face was buried in this arms as they acted as a cushion. Black strands of hair pooled around his head, spilling onto his arms, and leaning in strange ways. A twitching scowl stuck on his features, and you couldn’t help but wonder if he would look younger if he would simply smile more often. While pondering, you wrapped your fingers gingerly around his shoulder while gently mumbling to him.  
  
“Captain Le–”  
  
The man’s top half suddenly shot up, as he took a deep gasp, his following breaths laboured yet shallow. His eyes were wide, pupils frantically coming in and out of focus. Perhaps the most peculiar thing was how his hand had whipped up, outstretched as if he were reaching for something.  
  
You observed him, frozen in shock from the sudden jerk of action. You watched as he steadily regained control of his breathing. His eyes flickered across the room as he began to put puzzle pieces together. His arm lowered to rest on his desk.  
  
He blinked once. His eyes refocused. You tried again to grasp for your voice.  
  
“Sir..?”  
  
Your voice was weak. Pathetic, almost.  
  
His eyes darted to you and his head twitched only slightly to where you stood.  
  
“Get–” his voice got caught in his throat.  _“–Get out.”_  
  
Softening your look in sorrow, you gave him a half-hearted salute and a slow nod.  
  
“Sir, yes sir.” Your voice was steady and professional. But quiet. “Shall I return when I’ve collected all of your work for the day?”  
  
He whimpered.  
  
_He whimpered._  
  
The Captain moved his other arm so his hand covered the top half of his face. The corners of your lips sunk when you saw what he was leaning on when he was asleep. Laying on the desk was a dog-eared piece of paper, crumpled, yellowing with age, and torn in some places. You’d seen it many times before.

 

> _'Going out with Farlan. We heard an apple cart will be passing by Emerson Square! Don’t worry, we’ll steal one for you too!  
>  We’ll be back soon, big bro!  
> -Isabel’_

  
You didn't know who they were – Isabel and Farlan. But you were sure they were important to the Captain. He kept quite a few notes like that in the top drawer of his desk. Not many knew he was such a sentimental person.  
  
Reaching out once again, you gently pressed your hand against his shoulder. He replied with a flinch, but he did not move away. You were one of the few he allowed to touch him without permission. But you were still reserved with that privilege.  
  
“You should return to your quarters, sir,” you sighed. “There are two hours left before your schedule begins, and I’ll wake you up respectively.”  
  
“With tea,” he grunted.  
  
“With tea,” you repeated, a tiny smile hovering on your lips.  
  
Relief left a tingling feeling on the surface of your skin. It seemed it didn’t take much to get the stoic, and slightly awkward Captain back to himself again. You pulled your hand away and linked your hands behind your back as your light smile persisted.  
  
“Understood, sir. I’ll come to your quarters with tea in two hours,” you clarified while beginning your little hop towards the door. Just before you left, you turned towards the man. “Sleep well,” you sang sweetly, but quietly.  
  
“An hour and a half,” he called.  
  
You nodded firmly in response. “Yes, sir,” you replied, your lips pursing together to form a smile just before you turned to shut the door behind you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! And as always, thank you for your sweet comments and heart-warming kudos! Your contributions always make me smile~ <3


	5. Nouveau

 

“--And after that, we can allocate some time for you to hand-pick your squad. You’ll be picking them from cadets, as always.”

You nodded firmly at Erwin’s words. You had been sitting in his office for ten minutes now, just discussing the transition process. It was only just beginning to sink in just how big of a responsibility this was.

“So Mike is choosing whoever is taking my place on his squad?” you inquired while fiddling with your fingers.

“Indeed. You’ll both be choosing from cadets to promote to soldiers,” the Commander pulled back from his desk to rifle through some documents in a drawer.

“Woah, don’t  _you_  choose who gets promoted?”

“I trust my officers to make the right decisions, but there are parameters you must follow, [f/n],” he said, dropping a few files onto the desk. He pushed them to you, and you took them in your hands, fanning out the files. “They must have at least one year of service under their belt, and then examined by you and another ranked officer. So technically I have chosen. You just need to shortlist them.”

“That sounds fair enough! Let’s see… I’m guessing these are my choices?”

Flicking through the files quickly, you managed to catch some names _. ‘Kirschtein, Braus… ooh, Ackerman!’_

“Three members, and a team leader,” he confirmed with a look of amusement on his face while he observed you gawking at your options. “Of course, you won’t have to choose immediately. Take your time with this, [f/n]. These soldiers will be laying their lives down for you until the end.”

You gulped.  _Oh boy._

“N-no pressure.”

Erwin replied with a reserved chuckle.

“Is one week enough to make your decision?”

“More than, sir. Thank you,” you bit your lip, clutching the yellow paper files in your hands. Your head whipped up to look at the blond. “Oh, and my place as the Captain’s assistant..?”

“You’ll be relieved of those duties and replaced as soon as you decide who to take under your wing.”

Humming to yourself, you turned back to the papers on your lap. One week of being the Captain’s assistant left.

“Wait– under my wing? Did you want me to teach them my… uh…  _'skills’_?”

The commander held his chin with his index finger and thumb, rubbing his stubble as he thought to himself. All you could do was fidget in anticipation.

“We’ll have to leave that decision to you, so you can choose your team members accordingly,” he nodded to himself, closing his eyes as if he was deep in thought. “We can’t force you into anything, although a sector specialising in on-site 3DMG repair would be extremely beneficial.”

Attentively, you watched him lean forward on his desk and rest his chin on top of his clasped hands. The man radiated dominance.

“That would, however, make you a Section Commander.”

A sharp inhale rushed into your lungs as the shock nearly made you pass out right there and then!

“A–  _a Section Commander_?! Like– Hange– or Mike? O-or the _C-Captain_?”

You were in shambles with nerves, in contrast to the ever controlled man in front of you.

“Not now. But in time, yes. You’ll obviously need some experience first and foremost. We’ll have to see how it goes.”

Pulling a hand to your chest in an attempt to calm your nerves, you took a deep, unstructured breath as the Commander continued his speech.

“Titan research and development controlled by Hange. The scout and spearfront team with Mike. Levi’s Special Operations squad…”

Your breath shook with anticipation.

“And [f/n] [l/n]’s mechanics and engineering sector.”

Wall Sina, did that sound  _amazing_  out loud.

“My own mechanics sector…” you hitched.

The Commander nodded and gave a small smile in response.

“Consider it, [f/n]. If it works out, the Scouting Legion would be honoured to have you.” He corrected his posture, sitting straight and proper. “I trust you to make the right decision, whatever that may be.”

You stood up abruptly, giving the man a salute brimming with respect. The forgotten papers spilt from your lap just as you were in the middle of proclaiming your gratitude.

“Ah– o-oops,” you fumbled, bending to pick up the mess you’d made. The nerves that coursed through your body were getting the better of you. “Sorry, sir– I- thank you! Thank you so much for this opportunity. I’ll– I’ll think about it very hard!”

Holding the documents to your chest, you beamed at the Commander with the brightest smile you could muster.

“I won’t disappoint you, Commander Erwin, sir!”

 

* * *

 

The leather harnesses of your uniform were the most important part. Of course they were! They kept you secure, safely latched onto your 3DMG, and were carefully designed to distribute weight evenly as you soared through the skies.

That did not stop them from being a horrible pain in the neck to put on though.

Not long after leaving your meeting with the Commander, you realised that you had left your harnesses in the Captain’s office. You knew it would be empty for a good while, since the short man had probably gone to his quarters by now, so you took that chance to quickly put on the bundle of evil leather straps in his office.

Except it wasn’t so easy this morning for some reason. You grumbled a few swears under your breath as you were leaving his office, still trying to clasp the straps around your waist. So far, you had only managed to get the bottom half done. The top half of the harnesses still hung loosely on your frame, with the plan of doing them up as you walked to the mess hall. 

“Morning, there!” sang a nearing voice. You looked up to see Hange, who seemed to look perfectly awake and sunny in comparison to her zombie-like sector members.

Biting your lip, you hobbled over to her awkwardly, the half-done straps restricting your movement.

“Can you help me?” you sheepishly asked the scientist, who smiled widely at you.

As sweet as her smile was… her narrowed eyes made you feel uneasy.

“Suuure,” she sang, suspiciously dragging out the word. “ _If…_ ”

You groaned and began to waddle away with plans to find someone else to help.

“Wait! It’s just one question, [f/n]!” Hange chortled, and you stopped in your tracks, turning to her with a grimace.

Looking at you up and down, she grinned.

“So… you walk out of shorty’s office while  _everyone_  else is usually still asleep, half-dressed…” she twitted as you hummed in reply, urging her to continue. “And I also see him stomp into his room, looking like he  _hardly_  got any sleep–”

“He always looks like that, Hange.”

“Let me finish, let me finish!” she insisted with a huge grin on her face. “His hair is all messy, and he’s entering his room with his clothes all crumpled coming from the direction of his office…”

She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, and you just gave her a scowl. “Get your mind out of the gutter and help me, please,” you whined, choosing to ignore her absurd implications.

“Not unless you confirm that you’ve been riding tha–”

“ **Hange!** ” you yelled, hues of pink quickly seeping into your cheeks.

Taking the loose straps that fell to your sides, you gingerly stepped towards the giggling woman and handed them to her. Your lips were pursed into a firm frown, which she just seemed to continue to laugh about. You were just about to tell her off, but she already started carefully draping the leather straps over your shoulders. All you could do was grumble a bitter  _‘thank you’_  under your breath.

“Turn around, [f/n],” Hange requested. She seemed to have calmed down a little at least. Her laughing had reduced to small hums of amusement as she mused, “I think you should do it, you know.”

Her tone seemed uncharacteristically serious. Tender, but serious. You raised your eyebrow while your back was turned to her. The clinking of the belts filled the silence for a while as your comrade secured your straps.

“…What, the Captain?” you said in a sour tone. A choking noise left Hange as she stifled a laugh.

“No! Your mechanics sector!”

“O-oh,” you fumbled. “I’d like to, but– stop laughing!”

Whipping around to tell the scientist off, you whined at her to take you more seriously, to which she replied with a tiny apology, a few droplets of a chuckle still evident in her voice as she tentatively went back to securing your straps.

* * *

 

_'How am I going to do this…?’_

On one hand was a balanced silver tray, equipped with a freshly made pot of earl grey and a teacup. In the other hand was a thick ream of documents you had collected from the other officers.

Your hand shook as you lifted one boot to balance on the other. The tray of tea started rattling when you tapped the door with your foot.

**Tap–**

“Oh shi–” you cursed when the door creaked open, and you nearly fell forwards since you expected the weight of the supposedly closed door to support you.

As you staggered forward into the Captain’s ever-immaculate room, your hand holding the tray was starting to get incredibly shaky. You quickly looked for a surface to settle down the papers and ornate tray. Once you had dropped the stack of papers onto a chair and slid the tray onto a desk, you released a huff of air. That was close!

Just as you were turning to apologise for rudely waking the light sleeper, you quickly shut your mouth. He hadn’t even bothered to take his uniform off, it seemed. The white cravat, button down, and even the harnesses could be seen where the fluffy duvet wasn’t covering his person. Even then, the blanket that barely covered him made it look like he fell asleep nearly instantly. Half of his face had been smushed into the pillow while his lips were slightly parted. Thankfully, he appeared much less on-edge than he had been earlier.

You couldn’t help but smile ever so slightly.

The Captain did look much younger without a scowl on his face and scrunched eyebrows to emphasise his worry lines. You found yourself wishing that he frowned with much less frequency.

He must’ve been exhausted if all your racket hadn’t woken him up yet, and you almost didn’t want to wake him. But orders were orders. You got on your knees next to his bed and just observed for a minute longer. It was no secret that your superior was incredibly handsome. His jawline was strong, and his small stature didn’t make any less of his obviously muscular body. Naturally jet black hair suited him well, too.

“Sir,” you quietly chimed in a low tone. Not even a stir of a reply.

“Captain,” you said, with a more firm backing. His eyebrows twitched. Progress.

But he dug his face deeper into his pillow instead, with the beginnings of a frown surfacing. It was oddly cute. It was a little unlike him to be so deep in sleep though, you thought to yourself.

This time, you opted for delicately rubbing your hand up and down his shoulder in what you hoped was a comforting motion. One tired eye met yours while the other lazily remained closed and you pulled your hands to your lap. He grunted, but you simply exchanged it for one of your own light smiles.

“I left your tea and papers there, sir.”

He hummed in response.

“Hange said you could take your time with the hazard assessments since she won’t need them until next week.”

Another grunt.

“Thankfully, it’s not looking too busy. Mike would like to talk to you later about formation changes, but he’s open to doing that anytime today,” you trailed, getting quieter and quieter as your sentence closed. “And… I’d like to talk to you later as well, if that’s within line, sir.”

This time, you didn’t just get a grunt. Both of his silver eyes were open this time, looking at you. They were still heavy with fatigue, but the subtle changes in his facial expression told you that you had his full attention.

“I– I need to hand pick a few cadets to be my squad. But I need another officer to assess them with me, so…” the silence made you fumble to grasp for your words. “I just thought– m-maybe it would be appropriate to have you with me for my first duty as a…. a Squad Leader.”

Fiddling with your own fingers nervously, you looked down at your lap and chewed on the inside of your lip.

“I suppose it would be appropriate.”

Your head whipped up with your mouth open in mild shock as you waited for him to continue. Watching him, the Captain propped himself up to lean on his elbow while his palm rubbed at his tired eyes.

“Alright. You said my day wasn’t busy anyway,” he confirmed as his glance moved to look at your face. Your eyes couldn’t help but light up in excitement, and you were too busy grinning like an idiot to notice the corner of his lips twitch upwards if only for a moment.

It was the least he could do for you, he thought to himself. As much as he wanted to sit in silence and catch up on his reading, he couldn’t help but feel some kind of responsibility towards repaying your years of impeccable service to him (even if the first half year was questionable). Not that he would admit it out loud. Plus, he was kind of curious as to what kind of leader you’d turn out to be.

“Thank you, sir!” you sang, holding your hands against your chest.

He tutted at you. “Stop thanking people before they’ve even done anything.”

Humming happily to yourself, you stood up and stepped from the Captain’s bed when you saw him swing his legs over the side. Uniform boots were being laced up when he looked up at you from his seated position.

“What time?”

Smiling widely, you walked over to his closet and pulled out the tan uniform jacket from its hanger.

“The cadets have mandatory hand-to-hand this morning until eleven,” you explained as you handed him the clothing. He took it as he nodded a silent thanks and began to slip it on his person. “But after that, I’ll have half an hour with each cadet until dinner. O-oh but you don’t have to stay the whole day if you don’t want to!”

While he was refastening his suspender belts that had come loose, you paced up closer to the short soldier and released an endearing sigh, a smile still ghosting over your lips.

“It’s come undone, sir,” you laughed under your breath as your fingertips reached for your superior’s cravat.

His nonchalant eyes remained on your wrists as he finished buckling himself up. Other than that, he remained perfectly still, letting you fuss over him. You could feel his gaze on you, but it didn’t bother you so much. Not like it used to. A tiny beam of a smile found its way onto your features again at the thought.

He noticed how your eyelashes barely rested on your cheeks as you looked down to where you were fixing his cravat. To put it lightly, you looked… seraph-like. The gentlest smile tugged at your lips, and they shone slightly as the morning sun kissed them. That same sunlight grazed your cheeks, faintly highlighting your features that he’d come to be so familiar with. His expression relaxed from his normal scowl.

“Sir, is everything okay?”

Levi blinked, eyes wide for just a millisecond with confusion. You had already stepped away from him. Your arms were linked behind your back as you leant towards him slightly, head tilted to the side. All he could think to do was scoff and look to the side, tearing his leer from you.

“It’s it too tight,” he grumbled, hooking a finger around his cravat to loosen it by a few centimetres. He was getting too warm for comfort with it tied so snugly around his neck.

At least, he thought it was because of the cravat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took awhile to write! Hehe! Thank you so much for the sweet comments and kudos! Thanks for reading!


	6. Right to Left

 

The corners of Levi’s lips twitched upwards.  _‘What a sneaky little brat.’_

You and the Captain had been planning the training course during the morning since there was a pocket of free time to go over plans. It was the first use for your new and empty office, which made you feel a little bit giddy. Though, you had to think of ways to make it feel a little more homely. The same would go for your new quarters, which you had yet to be shown to. In the meantime, the well-lit room held a single desk, three chairs, an empty bookcase, and a fireplace, dusty from disuse (much to your companion’s dismay).

Although, the Captain wasn’t informed of this part of the training course.

First, however, it needs to be explained how the poor cadets got into this predicament.

Word had gotten around quickly of the possibility of being promoted. You suspected Jean for spreading them since you did tell him of your promotion the other day. The cadets seemed to put more effort into even the littlest of tasks whenever a superior was present, in the hopes that they would throw a good word to you. Everyone wanted to be upgraded to a soldier, by the looks of things. They all vigorously carried out their mandatory morning physical combat when you overlooked them, and you couldn’t help but suppress a grin when they had all boosted their enthusiasm as the Captain joined you not long after. While you stood with your back straight, arms neatly folded behind your back and chin high, the Captain had his well-known frown, legs parted in a strong stance and arms crossed over his chest. The two of you seemed to radiate an aura of authority, even though your postures juxtaposed each other so much.

You and the Captain had prepared quick tests with each cadet after that, following the theme of hand-to-hand. The both of you looked over one cadet for thirty minutes each session, relentlessly barking fighting stances and commands, noting down their reaction time, the nature of their response, and the forms they took on clipboards. While they weren’t being examined, they were to continue hand-to-hand with each other. It was a gruelling process that left cadets breathless, and your voice hoarse. But nevertheless, you and your comrade pressed on until this part of the examination had finished.

By the time the individual tests had been completed, the cadets all looked warmed up, determined, and ready for action.

_'Good.’_

Your grin could have almost been described as demonic. Narrowed eyes had suggestions of malice, which was only emphasised by your smirk, leaving the cadets all uneasy and nervous. The Captain cocked an eyebrow up in your direction as you motioned for them all to follow you to the last exercise for the day.

Chatter about what it could possibly be filled the journey there.

“Maybe she’s going to fight us all one-on-one!” an excited voice proposed.

“O-oh god, maybe she’s making us fight Captain Levi.”

“What, are you scared you’ll get your ass kicked, Titan boy?”

“Shut up, douchebag!”

“What if she’s taking us outside the wall?!”

“Don’t be stupid, Connie. Look, she’s taking us inside.”

The chatter died down when the group of riled up cadets stopped in the building where indoor classes were held. You opened the door to one of the classrooms where Ness, one of the academic instructors, often taught cadets about formation and strategy.

But that wouldn’t be the use for this room today.

You opened the door and held it for a few cadets, watching them file in with quizzical looks on their faces.

Were you going to make them fight in here?

“Squad Leader [f/n], what a–”

“Shut it!” you boomed. “All of you take a seat. Not a single word,” you commanded, confidently striding to the front of the classroom.

Levi followed in last and decided to stand next to Ness’ desk where he saw on the table what you had planned.

Which brings us to the current issue the cadets were in.

A flash of amusement flickered on the short soldier’s face as he looked up from the papers on the desk and to you. When he caught your eyes, you gave him a mischievous purse-lipped smile. He raised his eyebrows in modest joviality and crossed his arms as he waited for an explanation. You hadn’t planned this part together. Cheeky. But he thinks he likes it.

Once the cadets were all seated, you took half of the stacked papers and pushed the other half towards your companion.

“Faced down, one each, please,” you requested in a whispering tone. He nodded in response and began giving out the papers.

He studied the writing as he was placing them on the desks.

_'3Dimensional Manoeuvre Gear: Anatomy and Operating Device’_

Turning his head to where you were, he observed your knowing grin as you dished out your share of the test papers. He noticed the way your eyes flickered towards the cadet, Armin Arlert while you placed the sheet of paper on his desk.

“No talking, no looking at your neighbour’s work– I’m looking at you, Springer.”

“Hey!”

“What the hell did I just say?” you snapped, making the short-haired boy shut his mouth as you continued. “No helping your neighbour either. I  **will** notice. And you  **will** be kicked out.”

You mouthed a little 'thank you’ to the Captain as you both finished handing out the papers. The man simply nodded in your direction.

“I will not. And I mean abso- _fucking_ -lutely not tolerate any cheating.”

Walking towards the front of the classroom again, you gave the cadets a once over.

Levi glanced at you. A strict and tough Squad Leader, huh? He thought you’d end up being softer than that. But he liked it better this way – he didn’t need them to be coddled.

“Once you finish, you may leave the paper on this table and do what you wish for the rest of the day. Free time on my behalf,” you grinned at the cadets. “Let’s say it’s to make up for my surprise test.”

Ah, there was that tiny spark of kindness.

“ ** _AFTER_** your cleaning duties.”

One side of Levi’s mouth marginally curled upwards.

Oh, he liked the Squad Leader side of you.

“Know that giving things a go will leave a better impression than a blank answer,” you advised, folding your arms behind your back confidently. “Good luck, cadets. You have one hour.” You nodded at them all unflinchingly. “Begin!”

Yes, that made sense.

 _Firm. Strict. But encouraging._  That was very much like you, Levi pondered silently. He closed his eyes and thought of your other qualities that could be used as leadership. You were hygienic, which he appreciated. Some cadets would hopefully learn a thing or two from you. Being so by-the-book had its benefits too. Rules worked for a reason, and you seemed to abide by that belief quite faithfully. But with how naturally caring you were, he noted how it would balance out your other, sterner side.

He was pulled from his thoughts when he felt a tug at his sleeve.

“I can invigilate this alone, sir. I’ve stolen enough of your time,” you whispered as quietly as possible, trying to not disturb the dominating silence of the classroom, save for the fervent scratching of pencils on paper.

“Not necessary. Give me a pencil and one of those spare sheets,” he ordered, which sounded odd since he was whispering too.

“What? Sir, that’s–”

“ _An order_. That’s what it is.”

You had an entertained look on your face as you did what he told.

“No cheating,” you teased, which he sneered at.

Once the Captain had taken a seat at Ness’ desk and begun work on your test paper, you scanned your eyes across the classroom. Some cadets chewed on their pencil in contemplation, looking like they were on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Most seemed to be giving it a go, which you were pleased with. Others were like Armin, who practically had smoke billowing off his page with how fast and precise he was writing. You nodded and smiled knowingly to yourself.

Built like a daffodil. But academically?  _Brilliant._

You decided to pass the time by snapping the test paper to your clipboard and filling out your own copy. Occasionally, you looked up from the clipboard to walk around and ensure that nobody was trying anything funny. You were happy when it seemed like halfway through the test; at least everyone had something written on their papers. The Captain had already finished by then, which you were impressed about.

By the fifty-five minute mark, you were bored out of your mind. A quarter of the class had already left – either finishing early or eager to go. You, yourself had finished the test paper fifteen minutes into working on it.

“Five minutes left, cadets. Work on finishing that last sentence, then go back and check your answers,” you guided them, looking at the small grandfather clock mounted on the wall.

You had already started marking the test papers that had been turned in, and you were just about to check your superior’s paper.

“You think you’ll pass my class, Captain?” you playfully whispered, biting your lip as your eyes flickered towards him.

He rolled his eyes, but you could see the way he pursed one side of his lips. It made your smile wider.

At some point in the last half hour, you and the Captain had switched positions. He stood with his arms crossed, knife-like eyes scanning the classroom for foul play, while you sat at Ness’ desk, ticking and crossing away at answer sheets. Every now and then you’d hear his light footsteps pad across the classroom, weaving between the desks to more thoroughly monitor the cadets. You would have to thank him for his help later on. You certainly didn’t expect him to stay for the theory part of the day.

“Pencils down, cadets. First and second rows, get up and put your papers here,” you directed, getting up from your seat to take a taller stance. “You did well. Even if you don’t think you answered correctly, resilience and willingness to participate was part of this examination,” you gave them a dazzling smile; eyes full of conviction when you saw some of the class relax at your words. “Pass it on to the rest of the cadets that there will be a chance to re-take this on Friday. That gives you what’s left of Monday until then to study accordingly.”

Levi noticed the way you confidently took stance. The smile on your face narrated clear as day how proud you were of the cadets. It was endearing.

“It’s not mandatory,” you continued. “Third and fourth rows, then the rest of you, give in your papers. You’re all dismissed for the day.”

As the cadets filed out of the classroom, the pair of you could hear the increasing, excited chatter of what they had written as the second answer, or how they all thought the fifth question was a piece of cake. You and Levi remained quiet until the talking faded, and it was just you and him in the classroom.

You let out a heaving sigh and relaxed your shoulders.

“God, that was hilarious,” you chuckled.

He hummed in agreement, turning to you. He unfolded his arms and opted for leaning on the desk while you turned from where you stood to face him.

“Sneaky. Just when they were all ready to fight.”

“All part of the plan, sir. How quickly can you switch to thinking logically when you’ve got all that adrenaline pumping in you!” you laughed as you placed your hands on your hips.

“Share the results with me later. I’m curious.”

You nodded quickly at him, expression still shining with amusement.

“It wasn’t an easy test,” Levi grimaced.

“Oh, stop it. You finished it in like half an hour. And you got a  _ninety-six!_  Are you trying to show off just to impress me?”

The man’s frown deepened, which only proved to lighten your smile.

“Go clean your office, [l/n]. It’s filthy,” he quickly changed the subject. It flew right over your head though as you jokingly saluted him.

“Sir, yes sir!” you grinned. “Tea before dinner?”

“After.”

You nodded as you hummed in confirmation. “Understood,” you proclaimed, making your way towards the classroom’s exit. Just before you gripped the handle, you spoke, back still turned to the Captain. “Sir?”

“Hm?”

“Thank you. Really.”

“Hm,” he replied. “Hurry up, [l/n].”

You laughed at how…  _'Levi’_ the Captain’s reply was. Turning to look at him, you shone your pearly whites in a genuine smile, brimming, spilling with appreciation and sincerity. 

“Call me by my first name, sir. It seems more appropriate now,” you tweeted.

The Captain’s breath hitched minutely – you couldn’t hear from where you stood. His lips parted slightly as he took in your radiant smile.

“Then you may call me Levi, [f/n],” he levelled his breath as he tested the way your name left him, like silk on his tongue. He quickly turned his head away from you.

Letting out a ghost of a laugh, you turned around and began walking off again.

“Thank you for today, Levi.”

You left before you could see his smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always guys! Thank you so much for the comments and kudos!! <3 Always gets me so pumped up to finish the next chapter!


	7. Mirror

The office you were assigned to was filthy. Like ** _, filthy_**. It took you nearly half an hour alone just to usher out a little family of spiders to the window! You were tempted to ask for one of the cadets for help, but you decided that you had tortured them enough for one day -- let them enjoy their free time, you told yourself. They don’t get it often, after all.

You huffed a dramatic sigh as you settled down onto a wooden bench in the mess hall. The tray of food you had in your hands clanged loudly as you unceremoniously dropped it onto the table.

“Did someone push you through a chimney?” teased your friend who was in the middle of her own meal. It made you huff childishly in reply.

“I love the Commander. But did he really have to give me an office older than the walls themselves?” you whined, earning a little grin from Nanaba.

“Trust me, you’ll learn to love that office like no other,” the blonde commented as she took a bite of her bread roll. “You’ll probably end up sitting there more hours than you do in your own quarters, actually.”

For just a moment, you sat in silence, allowing the contemplation to fester.

“Nanaba?” you sighed.

The blonde turned her head to you while she chewed; her eyes concentrated on you, and let you know she was listening.

“Am I fit for this job? Like—am I ready to have these cadets listen to everything I say?” you puffed one cheek as your shoulders sank, hunching over the table. “What if—I make the wrong call? What if we’re on the field and…  _and_ …?”

A very gentle shove met your shoulder.

When your eyes met Nanaba’s, she moved her hand from your shoulder to the back of your head, stroking your hair down affectionately. Her eyebrows were knitted together, and her lips were pulled to a taught frown. Genuine worry surfaced on her expression.

“Hey, you know it’s no good to think like that.”

You sighed and gently set your hands over hers, the one she was currently using to play with your hair. Giving her your best politician’s smile, you forcibly tugged the corners of your mouth to form a grin and pulled her hand down.

Playing with her fingers mindlessly as you looked down at them, you mumbled, “I suppose you’re right.”

Nanaba’s eyebrows furrowed even more.

“[f/n],” she started, looking as if she was searching for something in your eyes. “You’ve got this, okay?”

You relaxed your frame slightly when you saw just how worried she was. A little, genuine smile crept onto your lips as you continued to comfort yourself with Nanaba’s soft hands.

Biting your lip and thinking in silence for a second, you replied, “I’ll believe you if you help me move into my quarters later on.”

Hearing a huff come from your friend, you looked up from your interlinked hands and noticed her expression – her eyebrows were set high and she had her lips pursed into a closed-mouth smile as if her expression was saying,  _‘really?’_

“C'mon,” you whined. “Do you know how heavy tool boxes are?”

“I do, which is why I’m not so sure I want to help,” Nanaba teased, a lopsided grin playing on her face.

That’s when you released your secret weapon.

_Your puppy dog eyes._

Your hands were still touching, which you used to your advantage – you clasped yours around hers and brought them to your chest in a pleading motion. With eyes wide and glassy, your eyebrows were turned upwards, accompanying the well-practiced pout on your lips which in turn, naturally made your soft cheeks look fuller.

“Oh, don’t you–”

Sudden and loud sputtering from across the mess hall caught your attention as well as Nanaba’s as she stopped mid-sentence. The coughing was violent, and even some other people in the mess hall began to quiet down. Out of curiosity, you leant forwards, onto the table you sat at to look towards the source of the noise.

There, on the table diagonal from where you sat (and where the higher ups had unofficially claimed) was the Captain, fist pressed against his lips as the coughing was only beginning to settle. His other hand was wrapped tightly around a cup that had been set onto the table – you assumed he swallowed his water the wrong way. Hange was patting his back in an attempt to soothe him, although you could tell from where you sat that they were more like gentle slaps than pats. You were in the middle of snapping up from your chair to assist him properly, but you saw him wave Hange off in dismissal and push away his tray of food as he stood from his seat.

His lips were moving to mumble something to Hange, which was probably something rude, judging from the way the scientist’s grin widened in amusement.

You sat back down and furrowed your eyebrows, staring intently at the short soldier.

“What was that all about?” you asked yourself, in barely a grumble, eyes not leaving the man as he walked across the mess hall.

“God knows. Anyway, I was only kidding. I’ll come help you, sure,” the blonde replied, turning her attention back to you.

You could only half-murmur a thanks as you curiously observed the way Levi held his hands a foot in front of his chest. He looked at them at them with a scowl as he fidgeted with his own fingers.

 

* * *

 

Setting the tray of steaming tea down onto the Captain’s desk, you spoke happily with shoulders high, expressing your delight.

“Before dinner, I finished marking the papers– in my office.  _My office_!” you didn’t even attempt to bite back your beaming smile.

Levi leant back in his office chair with his arms crossed and raised his eyebrows.

“I’m coming in to check it after this,” the man proclaimed, leaving no room for argument. “I swear I caught tuberculosis just from walking in last time.”

He scrunched his nose in disgust. You thought that expression looked pretty cute.

You rolled your eyes at him but still, your smile persisted.

“It’s clean, sir!”

“Well,  _ma'am,_  I’ll have to establish my own opinion,” he mocked.

You raised your eyebrows at his register for a moment before you let out a little  _'oh’,_  remembering your last conversation in the classroom. Quickly, you thought to correct your mistake.

“Levi, sir, uhm. Levi,” you muttered, feeling like a fool. Addressing him by just his first name and no preceding title felt foreign on your tongue – but it didn’t leave a bad taste.

He took a breath as if he was about to reply, but quickly closed his mouth. It took a second or two before he spoke again.

“Yes, [f/n]?”

Something about the way he said it made your cheeks tingle as you exhaled.

“Thank you again for today,” you sang as your sight met his gunmetal eyes. “You didn’t have to stay for the boring part, but you did.”

Neatly, you crossed your arms behind your back and raised your shoulders a little. The slightest flush on your face complimented your honey-sweet smile.

“I enjoyed myself very much.” Before continuing, you took a deep breath in mental preparation for what you were about to say. “And if you’re not too busy the rest of the week – only if – I was wondering… would you like to help me examine the cadets a little longer?” your voice trailed away towards the end of your quickening sentence, and the Captain was barely able to hear you.

Levi swept his eyes across the neat stack of paperwork on his desk, and the little notebook at the corner which held an organised  _‘to-do’_  list.

He’ll have to stay up late for the next few days just to get it done. How troublesome.

“I don’t see why not.”

Your eyes lit up like sunshine, in a way that no longer had Levi annoyed that he accepted your request, despite all his other common senses telling him how much work he had to do.

“I assume we’ll be removing the first few tonight,” he murmured, eyeing the marked test papers you had dropped onto his desk.

As you poured the tea for the both of you, you replied, “I already have, kind of,” you hummed happily. “The ones who clearly didn’t bother to even try are  _definitely_ not on my squad,” you grumbled with a clear bit of bitterness dusted on your voice. “Though I suppose it was only the first day…”

The Captain reached across his desk to take the test sheet on top of the stack, as well as the rim of his steaming, perfectly brewed tea.

You rolled your eyes.

 _Of course_ , he wouldn’t take the sugar now that you’d remembered the spoon.

“Ninety-six,” commented Levi, with a little suggestion of interest in his voice.

“He’s a genius, isn’t he? Highest score in the class!”

You continued to ramble on about one of your favourite cadets, Armin Arlert, into your teacup, and you were too busy to notice the Captain’s stare.

His eyes followed your figure intently, observing you delicately hold your sweetened tea as you made your way to his side of the desk. Leaning your butt on the edge, you pushed your weight onto the table, next to where he sat. You were too preoccupied with the stack of papers in your other hand and ranting on about the test to notice your superior’s lingering gaze – he was a little ashamed of how long his leer seemed to gravitate towards your lips for. He would remember the way your lips had a certain sheen to them for a long time coming, moist from the tea that you happily gulped.

It took every strand of will in him to heave his eyes from your pink lips.

“–And so I figured from the start, he’d make an amazing mechanic!” you jeered as you set the teacup down on Levi's desk, where there was a little bit of space between you.

Shit, had Levi missed the start of your story?

He knitted his eyebrows together and hummed, pretending that he heard. It was times like this when he thanked his stoic demeanour for making that kind of reply his norm.

“I wouldn’t disagree,” his eyebrow twitched in slight irritation. He felt like he had been turning into a fool by the minute the past few days.

“Mikasa, Bertholdt, Reiner– they did great too,” you furrowed your eyebrows with a frown. As you pressed your fingertips to your temples, you mused, “a-and Eren tried  _really hard_.”

Levi scoffed at your words as his lips were pressed against the rim of his teacup.

Remembering the way your heard Eren’s jovial voice outside of the classroom about how well he thought he did, you pursed your lips, carefully contemplating your next words.

“I was expecting Jean to do better, but both of those idiots got a twenty-one,” you sighed. “Hopefully they show up for the re-sit, but…”

A low murmur left your closed mouth, and the Captain glanced at you, humming in encouragement for you to continue.

“I think I want Kirschtein on my team anyway,” you pressed as you scratched the back of your neck. “He obviously tried his best. I mean, I kind of made the same mistakes when I decided to learn, too.”

The sound of Levi tutting snapped at your attention. You watched his slender fingertips tilt the teacup towards his mouth as he swallowed. He faced forward, and from where you were, beside him, you could appreciate his sharp and handsome jawline (and his surprisingly cute nose). Undoubtedly, you liked it when his head would tilt back somewhat when he drank because it exposed a little bit of his neck from above his neatly tied cravat.

“Can’t wait to have Jäger and that horse kid shit bricks over the position,” he sarcastically groaned, making you let out little wisps of laughter. The faintest of smiles nibbled over Levi’s lips as he took another sip.

He’d have to try invoking that reaction from you more often.

“We’ll see, Levi.” You bit your lip once the giggles settled. The name still felt new, but you enjoyed the taste it left. “If they both show up for the re-take, it’ll show how much th-they...  want the… position…” your voice drew to a soft close as eye contact was made, and you saw him leaning towards you, reaching for you.

It was strange. Because usually he only made eye contact while speaking – it was a dominance thing. But this time the pair of you made eye contact, and just… held each other’s glances until they lingered into gazes. Something pulled your line of sights together, tying it at the centre. Neither of you could – or wanted to – pull your eyes away. You did the only thing you could really come up with, and your eyes crinkled as you smiled down at his seated form as you tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear. You moved forward an inch to let his hand reach you easier.

 _Like his own personal ray of sun_ , he thought, as his lips parted to release a minor exhale. His corners lips involuntarily curled upwards. Your chest rose as you shallowly inhaled when his rough fingertips met your cheek. You leant into the touch instinctively.

“Tch. Fucking filthy,” he criticised, as the pads of his fingers roughly rubbed against a spot beside your lip.

You pouted in response. “O-ow, Levi!” you groaned, your tone of voice was whiny, but nevertheless, your shoulders shook with zephyr-like laughter as you allowed your Captain to fuss over you.

Once he was satisfied that you at least  _looked_  clean, he quickly reached for a box of tissues on his desk. He glared at his blackened fingertips for a moment before thoroughly wiping off the…  _was that soot?_

His frown deepened and his eyebrow furrowed.

If it was...

“[f/n],” he snapped, immediately breaking your laughter. “You were cleaning your fireplace.”

You nodded and gave him a curt, “of course.”

His eyes flickered from his fingertips to you. Oh dear.

“You weren’t wearing anything to protect your mouth,” he declared rather than asked.

Your brow furrowed and you bit your lip, shaking your head timidly -- your eyes couldn't even meet his anymore. 

Boy, were you in trouble. 

"And you didn't think to?"

"I've only got one handkerchief I use for cleaning..." 

You heard him grumble something about long-term respiratory issues, following murmurs about bacteria. When you looked towards his direction again, he had turned the opposite direction to shuffle through his desk's second drawer. As he turned back to you with a neatly folded handkerchief between his fingers, he leant forward with his arm stretched out and--

 

_"Shit!"_

_"Sh-shit!"_

The both of you hissed loudly in unison. Levi had knocked over the teacup that you set down beside you earlier -- it toppled over to its side, spilling the steaming contents onto the desk, and dribbled over the edge to the ground between you. You both watched in horror as the plain teacup rolled on its rim, and came down with a harsh crash. 

You threw the sheets in your hand onto Levi's desk the same time he chucked the handkerchief next to the test papers. Swiftly, you hopped off the table and bent to your knees to tend to the mess. With nimble fingers, you whipped a bundle of fabric out from your breast pocket and pressed it against the spreading liquid, carefully avoiding the shattered porcelain. The sound of several tissues being pulled from a box accompanied Levi's string of profanities, and he began to wipe down the desk's surface.

Ah shit, the tea was starting to spread to the desk's gap, next to Levi's boots. You shuffled over closer to his legs, under the desk to dab at the spilt tea, and Levi shifted his legs sideways to give you easier access. Feeling a tap on the shoulder, you looked to the side and saw a fist full of tissues Levi had offered you as he was cleaning his own portion. 

As you were just about to raise your head to give the Captain a polite thanks, you--

"Careful!"

**SLAM!**

"Ow, ow _ow!_ " you whined, feeling a little bit dizzy.

"You idiot," he scolded harshly as he took the side of your head that you hit in his hands and began to guide you out from beneath his desk. 

The worst part was that you hit your head where you had already slammed it against the storage shelves before, so you rested a hand against the side of Levi's chair to support yourself up and--

**Bam!**

"What's wrong! We heard yelling then a crash and more yelling s- _oh_."

This evening just wasn't going well at all, was it?

Levi and you were statue-still in shock from Hange's sudden visit, with a very flustered, wide-eyed Eren behind her. 

You could understand why they were reacting with blank shock that paired yours and Levi's. There you were, on your knees in front of the Captain, kneeling behind his desk. His hand was on your head as he was seated, and you were propped up by your own hand on his seat -- which was evidentially beside his thigh.

For maybe a crippling good six seconds, the silence loomed and stretched and trailed over the four of you. Surprisingly, Eren was the one to break it. 

"W--we're sorry, Captain Levi, Squad L-Leader [f/n]!" he yelled woodenly, trying to pull Hange's arm away. But she had her feet planted to the ground, still in shock. "We'll l-leave you to- to-- 'i-it'!" 

You sprung to your feet like lightning. 

"N-no! It's not like that!"

The grin that the scientist glinted made you shudder. 

"Mike owes me seventy gold marks," she proclaimed while she menacingly pushed her glasses up to the bridge of her nose. 

"My dick isn't out under here, shitty glasses," Levi stated, matter-of-factly. His vulgarity made your cheeks tingle a little.

Total embarrassment or not, you still had the Captain's reputation to save. You pulled your hands timidly to your chest and enunciated your voice as best as you could. 

"My teacup spilt and-- and we were just cleaning it up-" you fumbled. A deep blush was making its way to your face. "I-I carelessly hit my head-- Captain Levi was just helping me!"

Hange suddenly began to stride into the office, and the noise of her palms slamming against the desk as she leant over it made you jump. But when she did indeed see the shattered teacup and the clothed crotch of Levi, she whined loudly. 

"I've been cheated!" Hange howled, dramatically tilting her head at the ceiling. 

"And my office has been invaded," Levi spat, folding his arms. "I doubt you're going to help, so get out."

The scientist pouted, her lips pulling to a deep frown as her eyes looked melodramatically sad. "Come on Eren, we have a lab to get to," she sulked as she dragged her feet and down the hallway, with the (still perturbed) Titan-shifter on her tail. 

Once their footsteps disappeared, you sighed and turned to your superior, who was already back to cleaning.

"I'm sorry," you bit your lip timidly as your shoulders relaxed. 

Levi tutted, and simply turned to dispense more tissues. 

"Let's just get this cleaned."

You released an unstable breath when you noted that the Captain didn't seem particularly phased over what just happened. It made you feel a little better, at least. You bent back down, dabbing and wiping away with the old handkerchief and tissues until all that was left were the shattered pieces. Carefully, you gingerly pinched at the porcelain and placed them into the bundle of tissues. Every now and then, an edge would nip and bite at your fingers, but you bore it with a wince and gritted teeth. Any bleeding was quickly wiped away with more tissues.

Once you were satisfied with your handy work, you sighed and got to your feet only to face the back of Levi's head. You noticed that the Captain was now just moving aside some things so that everything was well away from the damp splotch. 

"That was my fault," he stated, still reorganising his desk.

A little sigh left your lips, smiling in endearment at his almost-apology.

"It's okay, sir--"

"Levi," he corrected you, still not looking at you.

"--Levi," you quickly followed. "I better go throw this away," you quickly told him, biting your lip and inhaling sharply when your pulsating fingers and pounding forehead were getting too much to handle. 

You left quickly. Before Levi could even offer to clean up the broken teacup, he noticed the pieces were already gone. His frown deepened when he caught a smear of red on his desk. No matter -- it would wipe off the polished surface easily. But does that mean you...

He looked up to catch you just leaving, as you called out to him. 

"I'll be back, Levi!"

The soldier grimaced as he wiped away the smudge of blood, and quickly threw away the bundles of tissues. He released a heavy exhale he had been holding for awhile. Frankly, he was surprised how lucky he was that you didn't look at his face once -- the pink hues were only just starting to leave his usually pale cheeks. He dragged his hand down his face, stopping halfway to cover the lower half of his face with his palm, and sighed through his gritted teeth. 

What the hell were you doing to him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually had a lot of trouble writing this one. I'm sorry if the pacing is off or anything! This was probably the chapter I've had the most difficulty with, and it's certainly the longest so far~ Thank you for the many comments and kudos, and thank you for reading! <3


	8. Our Canon

It had been a long day.

You spent the remainder of your evening moving your possessions from the Soldier's Quarters to your new personal room. It wasn't as large or as stylish as your room back where you came from, but it was home. After the embarrassing ordeal with Hange and Eren, you shuffled your way to the infirmary to get your shredded fingers patched up by a very worried Krista. You were quite glad she was on infirmary duty that day to assist the head nurse -- she was always so polite and lovely to accompany.

Sitting in your empty office, lit only by two small candles, you wiggled your fingers in front of your face as your other hand held a feathered quill. Wrapped around them were carefully placed blue plasters, with a strip of medical bandage running down your palm, following the line of your thumb.  _That cut hurt the most,_  you thought to yourself, wincing when you moved your thumb a little too harshly. You probably shouldn't have been in such a hurry to clean up the broken pieces, but at the same time, you didn't want to leave the Captain to possibly hurt himself. That was just how you were, after all. Compromises and detriments didn't mean much to you when it came to him. No matter how big or small. You supported your head up with your arm, which leant on the desk.

_Of course._

_Because Humanity's Strongest is still human, after all._

You looked around to take in the sight before you. Sitting at your seat behind the table, the room was doused in a comforting darkness. With only moonlight and candlelight as companions, the office was dimly saturated with warm hues of orange and yellow. It was relatively empty so far, save for a few odd knick-knacks, but you would soon change that. There was a fireplace on the wall to the right (a privilege that only ranked officers received), along with two bare bookshelves barely decorating the wall to the left, and a large window behind you meant that plenty of natural light would be welcomed in during the day, which you appreciated. You closed your eyes, quietly reflecting in meditation.

Perhaps you were a little resentful towards yourself. When you decided to join the Legion you weren't sure where you'd end up. You weren't physically strong enough to be slotted into the gas and blade resupply sector. The special operations squad was out of the question - you could only wish to be skilled enough to work alongside the Captain on the field. Let's not even begin on how out of place you'd be in the Titan research & development sector.

A minuscule sigh escaped your lips.

Thank Sina that Mike picked you up. He seemed to notice that you were mentally a little faster than most, which translated somewhat to your physical speed. The veteran figured that you would be the perfect addition to his spear front sector. And he was right. You seemed to excel at thinking logically in times where there were only nanometers of space for mistakes, where the milliseconds between your one flare signal could multiply into either killing or saving soldier after soldier. Of course, it was a lot of weight on your shoulders at times. You were the regiment's frontline with Mike's squad, their ears, their eyes; you were their first line of defence.

_But I'm not the one with a title to uphold. I'm not the one living under the weight of expectations and judgment._

When you were first assigned to him, he wasn't your favourite person, Levi. Frankly, the Captain terrified you. He was rude, vulgar, intimidating, and just downright unapproachable. But of course, a poor little cadet would think that -- especially one that had been working under the much kinder and cordially superior Mike Zacharius. Nobody in Levi's squad had the time or skills to be his own personal assistant, Erwin told you. Erd came close, but the Captain wanted him to focus on his position as his second-in-command. Ironically, Mike had been the one to put your name forward - you were attentive, observant, and accommodating, Mike told the Commander. And well, you weren't going to disrespect  _the_  Captain Levi by turning down the offer, so you reluctantly went on a trial run that lasted a fortnight. You were inclined to give it your best shot out of duty which apparently ended up being enough. All the little things he'd demand from you, that he'd direct you to do again and the diminutive orders became less and less irritating over time, turning into routine and personal expectation. Naturally, you'd get to know about him a little more. And in turn, he learned more about you. The both of you maintained a comfortable and professional relationship, which bordered into what could be considered as a marginal friendship. 

It made you smile. The past three and a half years had allowed you to see sides of the Captain that nobody else did. Pockets of moments where he allowed himself to be more human for once, you were permitted to witness. You felt lucky. Customarily you had learned to care for him over time. You learned to appreciate his humour, to understand that his stoic demeanour was simply a line of defence. You began to notice that he was much, much considerate than he let on. When you were introduced to this new view of the man, you privately promised yourself that you'd bear what weight you could for him, no matter how impossible or pointless it seemed. Whether it came to laying your life down on the field or just remembering that Karanes' elderflower tea leaves were his favourite, you'd do it. 

You just hoped that your replacement would feel the same way.

 _Any problem lifted off his shoulders is a success in my book_ , you thought as the corners of your lips were pulled into a soft smile.

"I've never seen anyone go through so many emotions in such a short amount of time," called a voice, hemmed with amusement. The sudden visitor made you jolt in your seat.

You looked up to see the man himself. His arms were folded as he leant on your office's doorframe. The uniform jacket was missing from his person, as were the harness straps. All he wore was his off-white button-up, the uniform's belted white trousers and his polished boots. Even the cravat was missing, showing off his prominent Adam's apple.

Hastily, you sat up and narrowed your eyes at the Captain. 

"Levi! You told me you were going to sleep!" you almost yelled, but you were (trying to be) careful to respect the late hours. 

Your companion raised his eyebrow at your reply. 

"You told me the same thing."

You opened your mouth for a good second or two, before shutting it again. The man had a point. Instead of coming up with a witty retort, you pursed your lips.

The silence made Levi scoff as he pushed himself from his leaning posture and made his way to stand in front of your desk. Moonlight emphasised his already prominent features, making you appreciate once again, just how handsome he was.

"I hope you know, [f/n]," he started, "that you left your door open."

A little 'oh' left you sheepishly. 

"And you left your oil lamp burning, idiot."

Well, that was silly of you. 

Just as you were about to leave from your seat, Levi stopped you by holding out his hand. 

"I put the flame out," Levi curtly told you. 

Relieved, you sat back down with a huff. "Thanks for-- hey! You entered my room?" you scolded, with furrowing eyebrows. 

The Captain rolled his eyes. 

"I didn't go through your panty drawers."

Narrowing your eyes even more, your frown deepened. But you knew you had no real right to tell him off. It was awfully airheaded of you to not only leave your door open, but your oil lamp lit as well. So instead, you turned your head guiltily and pouted. 

"Thank you," you sulked with dropped shoulders.

The desk creaked as Levi rested his weight on it. Looking up, you were greeted with the sight of the soldier sitting on your desk, turned halfway to face you. One thigh was rested parallel to the table's edge, and you couldn't help but be marginally annoyed at how the Captain looked so attractive from every angle. 

"So," he grumbled in a deep tone, expression blank and unreadable.

As you leant on your desk, you gave him a quizzical look.

"Soo?" you repeated, urging him to go on.

"Do you just sit in dark rooms as a hobby or what." 

You rolled your eyes. 

The Captain just couldn't ask, 'what's wrong?' like a normal person, could he?

"I'm tired and all, but I honestly just can't sleep," you explained, puffing your cheeks in annoyance. "I've planned this week's examinations, I've totally unpacked, and I even tried counting to a hundred!" you threw your arms up in defeat. "It's like -- my body is exhausted but... my mind just won't give it a rest, y'know?"

Levi hummed in response, his eyes quickly darting away when your eyes met for a fleeting moment. 

 _'If that's how you're going to respond, why pretend to be concerned in the first place?'_  you mentally tittered. No, no. You could tell he was worried. Otherwise, he wouldn't have bothered to press the conversation on. Well... _tried to_ , anyway.

A perplexed expression surfaced on your face when your superior pushed himself from your desk and held his hands behind his back, making his shoulders jut backwards and his posture seem tall (as tall as he could make it, anyway). He stopped walking when he was just about to leave your office, and you couldn't help but tilt your head to the side at his peculiar behaviour.

"Well?" he muttered, turning his head only slightly to face you. When his question met no response and your silence, he grunted. "The mess hall, [f/n]."

By a few centimetres, your body was nudged backwards in confusion. Nevertheless, you got up from your chair while muttering a, _'yes sir'._ You blew out one candle, while you shimmied the other from its holder, and moved it to the little handheld candle holder on your desk.

"We'll have something herbal before retiring for the night," he nodded once to himself.

Silently, you followed him to the mess hall and eventually met his pace to walk alongside him. You, too, linked your hands behind your back, albeit in a much more relaxed fashion rather than the Captain's stance-straightening position. It was a comfortable walk. Occasionally, the walls would be lined with little candles on the mounted wall-holders or the floor would be paved with the moon's modest glow. It was quiet scenic, actually. And you would never quite complain about walking practically shoulder-to-shoulder with the Captain. You couldn't help but express a content sort of cheer on your face. Peaceful little moments like this were so rare.

It didn't take long before the Captain jiggled the mess hall's door open with his own master key, with you instinctively weaving your way to the kitchen as your companion took a seat.

 

* * *

 

Camomile-tinted steam kissed your cheeks as you and the Captain lightly conversed over the little cups of insomnia beaters. About the cadets, how tiring Hange had been recently (more so than usual, at least), about how the pair of you seemed to have bouts of insomnia in common - the easy conversation flowed to anything and everything light to talk about. Both of your hands were wrapped around your plain teacup, making you remember the other one that had shattered earlier.

"Good thing I just use the communal cups, huh?" you unconcernedly mused as you swallowed the floral-scented substance. Already, you could feel your muscles relaxing and your chest unwinding. A part of you beguilingly wondered if the brew was the only thing that had you so serene, though. 

The comforting, earthy drink. The warming little flickering flame that lazily swept its light between the two of you. The sheer sense of safety that Levi evoked in you. 

You would be a fool to not take in such privately soothing moments for long-term memory.

"I don't understand how you can use those," the man commented.

Smiling into your teacup, you teased, "can't stand to think of how many cadets and soldiers have  _slathered_  their saliva all over this thing, Levi?"

Levi scrunched his nose in disgust and turned his head a few inches to the side before bringing his drink to meet his lips. You snickered at his expression.

As you leant your head on the palm of your hand, propped up on the table, you decided to be a little bold in your usual teasing tonight.

"Think you're gonna miss me?" you grinned while biting your lower lip.

Levi's eyebrows furrowed for a moment before he grunted into the rim of his teacup, "I was starting to get sick of you." His eyes flickered towards yours quickly to check your expression.

With a feigned hurt expression, you brought your free hand to your chest dramatically -- the one which you were previously leaning on.

"Captain Levi!" you rebuked airily. "I dedicate hundreds of hours of my free time to making sure you live a cushy life, and this is how you thank me?"

You had to bite the inside of your lip to fight back a grin when you saw the man roll his eyes. What made you fail your attempt at suppressing the smile was the way you caught his left cheek twitch slightly --  a telltale sign that he was smiling (or smirking, you couldn't exactly tell) into his teacup if even for a blink of an eye.

"You did well."

Your amused tittering was brought to an abrupt halt at his sudden comment.

"Huh?"

"Are you deaf? I'm not repeating myself."

 _'Ah, how cute,'_ you mulled as you guzzled the last of your tea before letting out a mewl of a yawn. Content with the reaction you pulled, you thought about wrapping up for the night. Camomile truly was a wonderful remedy for insomnia. That, and good company.

After a short bout of silence, you broke the stillness between you.

"I think I'm definitely going to miss it," you stated, voice soft and melodious. Levi raised his eyebrow in interest. "It was nice getting to know who 'Levi' is. Instead of 'Humanity's Strongest', I mean."

The man pulled the porcelain away from his lips and set it down on a saucer. The soft 'clink' rang in your ears, reminding you of the starting note of a lullaby.

"Meaning...?" he urged.

"Meaning  _'Humanity's Strongest'_  is who people think Levi is... People take comfort in imagining this all stoic and perfect soldier. It's a construct they can praise or insult to their fancy. But they don't know who the _actual_  Levi is... _"_

You picked up the white cup and swivelled its remains. The liquid's movements were mesmerising as you tried to grasp at your next few words.

"Levi, who is valiant. He never lets his fear precede his determination. Levi cares about the progression of humanity more than anyone, yet people choose to turn a blind eye."

While you were so wrapped up in weaving your words, Levi was lightly gawking at you intently. His lips were slightly parted, with eyes slightly widened.  _That was what you thought of him?_

He awkwardly coughed and quickly replaced his expression with a prominent and almost forceful frown. The sudden sound made you look up from your empty cup, where you saw a very uncomfortable looking Levi. Covering the bottom of his face was his palm and hand as he looked away from you, he seemed as unconcerned as ever - albeit a little stiff. 

You lamented a little before speaking up again.

"My... my apologies, sir. That was somewhat improper of me," you admitted, looking the other way.

 

Levi grunted deeply in agreement, eyes still not meeting yours.

Fricatively, you sighed through your mouth in defeat. Perhaps you should have kept your thoughts to yourself this time around. Wearing your heart on your sleeve and being so overt with your emotions always put you in situations like this. Instead of dragging out and already awkward silence, you decided to stand from your seat while mumbling a polite apology and began placing the empty teacups on the tray. Just as your fingers wrapped around the edge of the silver dish, Levi got up halfway and spoke.

"Let me do it."

Moderate confusion flashed on your features as you were stopped in your tracks. Your frozen state allowed the Captain to take the tray in his hands, and the pads of his fingers brushed against the back of yours.

"Wait, I can--"

"Your service has not gone unnoticed, [f/n]," the man proclaimed, startling you briefly as he lightly contracted his grasp around both the tray and around your digits. "Allow me to return the favour, if just for one time."

The last part of his speech was mumbled and had the mess hall not been drowned in silence, you doubt you would have been able to hear him. Moments like this were few and far between, though. It was like Levi's little way of saying thanks. So instead of saying something smart-assed, you decided to let him take the tray and slipped your fingers from his with a smile and hum of appreciation. 

"Don't expect this to happen again," the grumpy soldier murmured as he made his way to the kitchen nonchalantly. 

"Wouldn't dream of it," you simpered as you watched him walk away.

The sound of water rattling through the pipes drummed through the empty mess hall for a while - it was a sound you weren't quite used to. It seemed that the chatter that usually accompanied the facility drowned it out. It wasn't long before the Captain returned, hands behind his back and posture straight as always and accompanied you on your walk back to the ranked officers' living quarters. You had to - you were the one with the candle holder. That, and it made sense since your rooms were coincidentally next to each other. Well, you actually suspected that it wasn't just an accident. The quarters beside Levi's had been empty for a while now, and they were never taken. You had asked about it before, and of course, in a very Levi-like fashion, the man passingly murmured something about anyone else being too loud. It was a little weird (and maybe a little selfish, you thought to yourself) but then again, he was  _Captain Levi._ He could get away with asking things like that from Erwin. Either there really weren't any more quarters than the ones next to his, or he just simply didn't mind your presence. You decided that the second option was your favourite.

"Feeling sleepy now?" you questioned in a low tone, barely loud enough for your companion to catch as the pair of you strolled down the winding hallways.

"Hm."

You glanced to the side and saw no real change in expression. He looked as blank as ever, and not particularly sleepy. Then again, he did always look tired so...

"Do you?"

Pressing a finger to your lip, you hummed in thought. 

"Yeah, yeah, I think I feel sleepy," you concluded. "Chamomile is the best for unwinding."

"Good. I trust, [f/n], that you won't make any noise while I sleep, then."

A huff of air left your nostrils in a humorous sneer. "When have I ever proved to be untrustworthy? I promise I'll  _only_  bang on the wall when I have a  _terror-striking_  nightmare," you dramatically played out in a whisper, clutching your heart in mock-fear.

Sadly, your ovation-worthy act was rewarded with only a single huff of amusement as you and your Captain slowed to a stop in front of your respective doors.

The both of you stood there in silence for a few drawn out seconds, palming your door handles. You knew that this was usually the point where people usually said things to close the night, but—what was there to say?

“So—“

“I—“

The pair of idiots began at the same time.

“Go on,” he commanded.

“N-no, it wasn’t important, you go.”

He tutted.

“I appreciate it,” he stated, “your opinion of me.”

You heard him inhale shallowly.

“And your assistance.”

A light ‘thump’ softly sounded as you rested your forehead on your door. You looked down to your weathered boots and chewed the inside of your lip to suppress an embarrassingly large grin. However, you could bite your lip all you want, but nothing could quite push down the butterflies in your stomach and the flutters in your heart.

“Your turn.”

You looked at him and noticed that he was looking down at his hand that was clasped around his door’s handle. His neatly trimmed bangs covered his face, which was already hard to see in the submergence of darkness. You could barely make out his features being scarcely highlighted by the dwindling candle in your hand.

“So I finished planning what I could for the cadets,” you nervously spoke, “and I’d like to know if I could steal an hour or two of your morning – you know, go through some things before we start.”

He nodded sharply and hummed. His eyes flickered towards you for a second – a second was all he needed to appreciate the yellow glow that illuminated your features – before his eyes darted back to his fingertips.

Another silence took over.

“I su—“

“Go—“

Levi coughed awkwardly as you laughed to yourself, turning your head away from the man by a few centimetres.

“Y-your turn,” you called as you simpered softly.

It took a bit before he replied. But eventually, he spoke, “I suppose this is where we say goodnight.”

“I suppose so,” you chimed, with a mild ring of cheery contentedness in your voice. “In that case... goodnight, Levi.”

You heard Levi turning the handle, and just before he stepped into his bedroom, you heard him respond. “Goodnight, [f/n].”

For a while, you stood there alone. Your forehead was pressed against the cool wood of your door as you looked down and your fingers were barely resting on your door handle. To top it all off, you were grinning like a total fool. For a few elongated moments, before you’d retire for the night, you noted that although you were standing in the hallway alone, you didn’t feel all that lonely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again guys! Thanks for reading my lame 'lil fic! And thank you for the kind comments and kudos <3 I hope you liked this cheesy chapter!! :D


	9. Surfacing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! You might have noticed that I switched to 'Captain' from 'Lance Corporal', and I've actually gone back and edited some things and mistakes, as well as changed Levi's title since I found out that 'Lance Corporal' is actually a translation error! Sorry about that! Anyway, please enjoy this chapter!

Levi was strong. That much you knew. But honestly, at what point does it just become showing off? You didn't think of yourself as weak - certainly not! But... 3DMG gear and toolboxes were goddamn heavy -- even if the tanks of gas were excluded. So when The soldier had begun without you in setting up for the afternoon examinations, you weren't expecting to pass the Captain in the hallways as he wore a pair of gears at his sides with one tucked under each arm. The icing on the cake was the toolbox he took in each hand. How was he even doing that? You had only just found him in his office when you entered for the first time for the day, and already there was half a dozen stacked gears downstairs. Not that you were complaining. It let you get the job done twice as quickly. You knew you would be working through lunch to transport all of this stuff for the cadets, but you didn't particularly mind. Comfortably strapped to your sides were broken and faulty 3DMG gears, and held against your chest was one of the many toolboxes you managed to salvage from the storage shed. The tools weren't as new or pristine as the ones you held in your room, but they would make do for what you had planned today. 

It was a pretty solid idea; Hange told you when you ran the idea by your sort-of-mentor. You would have the cadets tinker with the stacks of faulty and broken 3DMG and see if they could figure out what was wrong with it in the first place. You get to examine the cadets. The gear gets a free check and fix-up. Everybody's happy! Of course, Erwin was open to the idea once you and the Captain had gone to his office to ask for permission. There was the possibility of getting the gear back into good condition for free, after all. The Legion didn't have the funds to get them professionally repaired, and you didn't have the time outside of your duties to go through them all. At least it meant that there were many to drag from the storage shelves to dish out between the cadets. Today's examination involved perception, evaluation and problem-solving. Crucial for any mechanic, really. 

Deciding that you had tortured them enough with the written exam, you opted for an outdoor class. It seemed appropriate to appreciate the sun a little - a little bit of sunlight would do the kids some good, you concluded. So the courtyard it was, in the comfortable recreational area where many cadets and officers alike had spent their free time socialising, reading in the open air, or simply enjoying the weather. It was perfect for all of that. There were picnic benches and park benches that were littered around the HQ's sundial, with patches of lush, emerald grass that adorned the cobblestone floor and comfortably low-hanging birchwood trees that would serve as perfect shade. Yeah, today would be tough for the cadets mentally, but it didn't mean they couldn't enjoy it a tad.

You and Levi allowed the cadets to sit wherever they wanted, much to their excitement. The majority of them had opted for the benches, resting the broken gears on their laps or the table. Others chose to settle their bottoms on the ground, enjoying the cushiony grass while being shaded by the skinny white trees, or even the cobblestone ground, protected from the sun by the building itself which provided a perfect band of cooling shadow. But they all chose to sit with their usual group of friends or at least partner up for some socialising or peer-support. 

The comfy bed of green was your choice, much to your teaching partner's dismay. While your bottom was comfortably sat on the shaded ground, the Captain stubbornly stood next to you, arms crossed as he refused to sit his white uniform pants down on the 'fucking filthy' ground. You noted mentally that even though he was complaining, he still chose to bear your company instead of opting for a bench to relax on. It was nice.

Levi wasn't so sure about having such a casual assessment at first, but you reminded him that now the cadets had a whiff of what to expect and even had an evening to study in their free time if they were serious about the position. Plus, allowing an open atmosphere meant that cadets could help each other; converse with one another and more importantly, learn from experience much quicker.  _'Teaching something makes you remember stuff way better than just reading, you know!'_ you had told him. Your hope was that by letting the cadets peer-assess and interact with each other, they could pass on the tacit information with ease as they taught and learned from each other. 

And, well, it seemed to be working rather goddamn well. 

"One more bolt aaand... done!" you beamed as you held up the gas cylinders in front of you as if you were holding up a child (it pretty much was to you).

From where he stood, leaning on the tree, you could see his head tilt towards you in your peripheral vision.

"Captain, could you get me a hand controller please?"

" _'Captain'_?" he raised his eyebrow as you turned to look up at him.

"Yes, _'Captain'_!" you mocked bravely. "We're in front of cadets! I want them to respect you. Not call you 'Levi'."

The soldier tilted his chin up has he spoke. "So you call me by my name when we're alone because you don't respect me," he asserted with a speck of amusement in his voice.

You jolted up in reply, nearly letting the gas cylinders drop to the ground. In a desperate attempt to keep it from dropping to the ground, you pawed and batted at it where it was flung into the air several times before you firmly caught it and held it against your chest.

"I-I do!  _You know_  I respect you more than anyone!" you hectically yelled as you stood with tense shoulders, pressing the newly fixed gear to yourself.

Your sudden outburst earned you the attention of several cadets and a minutely smug-looking Levi. The man had one eyebrow raised and the slightest half-simper on his features, entertained by your flushed face, pursed lips and knitted eyebrows. As the silence around you began to seep into your ears, the very surface of your skin started to tingle with slight embarrassment.

"I'll get you a working hand controller,  _Squad Leader [f/n]_ ," Levi taunted before he spun on his heel, leaving you with an arc of perplexed cadets around you.

Quickly, you snapped to look at them and gave them the angriest expression you could - which was hard, because of the impressive shade of pink on your cheeks.

"I don't see you fixing any gears, cadets!" you barked with gritted teeth, which was apparently enough for the young soldiers to hang their heads and at least look occupied. 

 Under your breath, you grumbled a bitter hex towards the infuriating man as you set the repaired device gently onto the grassy bed. In your head, you promised the delicate little contraption that you'd return to tend to it soon. You hated to leave your hard work on the ground, but you had other matters to tend to for now. There were cadets to look over.

First stop was the pair of ladies you came to know as Krista Lenz and Ymir. The duo sat on a bench, with the smaller of the two working on a fan unit. Ymir, on the other hand, loosely held hollow gas cylinders. She didn't look particularly engaged and seemed to only be participating because the tiny blonde was too. You noticed how the petite girl delicately (perhaps too delicately) tightened the screws of the propellers.

"What did you find with this one, girls?" you queried as you loomed between them, over their shoulders, but spoke again before they had the time to answer. "It's not a pencil, Krista. Hold it firmly." Krista nodded at your advice as you rummaged through the toolbox on the table, pulling out a smaller tool before you showed her proper way to handle the tool. "Use a screwdriver with a shorter shank if that's too difficult for you."

A ray of appreciation beamed in your direction when you offered the cadet the smaller tool in your hand. "Thank you, Squad Leader!" Her thanks was met with a polite nod from you. "Ymir realised that one of the screws were askew," she explained as she motioned towards her bored looking companion. "So we tried to find a way to straighten it, so we uh... took it apart and now we..."

"Can't put it back together?" you prompted as your suspicions were confirmed with the small cadet's apologetic nod. 

Pursing your lips into an understanding smile, you blinked slowly. 

"Good find there, Ymir. But that'll be because whoever made this thing must not have drilled the piling hole correctly in the first place. So it's not the screw - remember that next time," you informed the tanned girl. Her elbow was propped up on the table, supporting her head up with her hand. "Nevertheless, those are some sharp eyes on you there," you proudly grinned. Her reaction expressed eyes that slightly widened and parted lips that nearly bordered to a gawk. She wasn't used to being complimented, was she?

"As for you," you firmly began, turning your attention to the blonde. She looked a little nervous, with a quivering smile playing at her girlish features. "It was a good thing you took it apart." She seemed to visibly loosen at your comment. "Now tell me, what's the condition of the propellers?" you quizzed her, having already decided the answer when you glanced at the contraption.

Eyebrows furrowed in deep thought for a moment as Krista wracked her brain for a good answer. After a few seconds, she shook her head with a small frown in defeat. 

"I can't think of anything wrong, ma'am," she apologetically confessed. 

"Exactly," you nodded. 

"That there's nothing wrong with it?" Krista repeated, looking a bit taken aback. 

"Spare parts! Sure, the manufacturing was lousy, but we can use those just fine."

That was how most of the interactions of the day went. Cadets would explain what they found, and what they tried to do to fix it, then you would give them advice. Of course, you laced in a compliment or two to keep their morals up - it was a crucial part of the teaching process, Ness told you. Don't even think about criticising a student's work if you haven't balanced it with some praise, otherwise, they wouldn't see their strengths or progress. Then what would be the point of learning at all?

After you had helped the two girls assess their handiwork properly, you moved on to the infamously inseparable trio. Unsurprisingly, Eren was hunched over a mangled gas dispenser, teeth gritting in concentration. Mikasa, on the other hand, calmly clicked the outer casing of a newly repaired sword handle together with the help of Armin, who had already repaired his gas cylinders. Similarly to how you assessed Krista and Ymir, you deconstructed and reconstructed their work. Your eyes had only just caught a mop of mousy brown hair behind a tree when you felt a light kick on your ankle.

"Hey!"

Snappily, you turned to scold the culprit, only to come practically nose-to-nose with heavily lidded grey eyes. As an act of dominance, you did not move. But the Captain seemed to have a similar idea. Almost immediately you began to regret your decision to challenge his autonomy as you felt a familiar tingling on the very surface of your cheeks. Oh well. You were in too deep now. Best to dig your heels into the ground and persevere!

With two disconnected hand controllers loosely in his grasp, he held them up, eyes still not severing its connection with yours. 

"Here you go, _Squad Leader_ [f/n]."

You smiled sweetly, juxtaposing the playful narrowing of your eyes as you pressed with your silent but humorous challenge of supremacy. 

"Why thank you, _Captain_ Levi," you politely sang, slipping the contraptions from his hands so that you held one in each of yours. 

Giving the handles a few experimental squeezes, you paused in your movements for a brief moment. You looked up from your hands to see that the Captain had already taken a step back and was looking to the side with upturned eyebrows and a firm frown. It didn't take much to capture his attention again though as you firmly grasped at it with a curt 'sir'.

With a raised eyebrow you said, "One of these doesn't work."

Levi folded his arms, looking uninterested as ever. 

"So?"

"So fix it," you bravely commanded with a cheeky smile. 

"What?"

"Fix it!" Taking one of Levi's hands, you pushed the jammed hand controller into them. The grumpy man mumbled some frustrations but wrapped his slender fingers around the contraption nonetheless. "Come on, I'll help."

He scoffed as he made towards one of the benches, and you followed closely as you both took a seat in front of Krista and Ymir. Levi might have looked severely bored, but he was still playing along with what seemed to amuse you. Before he sat down he reached for you, making you flinch slightly only from having the handkerchief in your breast pocket be slipped out from its confinements so that Levi could use it to brush away the table and seat. You rolled your eyes at the familiar trait and took the plain fabric from his hands when it was offered to you. With a knee on the seat of the picnic bench, you leant over the table to grab an array of tools. 

In a position like that, how could Levi not steal a glance or two? The curve of your back that sloped to your firm behind was just begging to be appreciated. He wasn't even going to start on how those thighs looked, confined by white trousers while your 3DMG straps appeared to have been buckled a little too tight. He liked it though. A lot.

It took quite a bit of resolve to stop admiring your figure, but he did eventually manage. The soldier was greeted with the sight of neatly arranged tools and noticed how his assistant was midst wiping down each handle with your handkerchief, dampened with the alcohol solvent you always kept in your back pocket for him. Hm. He'd miss this. Levi did always appreciate how accommodating you were when it came to his little habits.

"There, it's as clean as it's going to get," you proudly proclaimed as you stood, hands on your hips.

Exhaling a mute complaint, Levi's demeanour seemed to contrast his actions of actually taking the contraption in his hands. The soldier appeared to at least be examining it, much to your delight.

As happy as you could be, you hummed a note of pleasure as you hopped retrieve the gas cylinders and settled yourself next to the Captain. He still lightly held the handles between his fingertips, as if he was going to get scabies just from touching them. You rolled your eyes.

"Sir, unless your eyes can magically repair them, I suggest taking the plating off first," you sarcastically remarked, gaining you a sneer in response.

"It's obstructed or something," he grumbled. "The handle is stuck."

"Great!" you sat up, showing your enthusiasm. "So fix it!"

Still nothing.

You sighed. So stubborn.

There wasn't any convincing him until you forced him somehow, you knew that very well. To be honest, you also knew that he didn't need to participate, but you thought it would be fun - maybe even beneficial to him in practical terms.

"Sirrr!" you whined, earning you another tut. "You can do all the talking you want, but it doesn't prove anything until you put it into practice!"

An eyebrow was raised in what you guessed was moderate annoyance, but your thoughts were quickly changed when his lips parted to take in a breath with a small twitch of entertainment at the corner of his lips. Just when you expected him to counter you with a smart-assed remark, he clicked the metal casing apart and you watched as his eyes flickered around and between the intricate workings of the handle's entrails. The man brought the contraption closer to his face and squint his eyes. How cute.

“Oh no,” Levi muttered, making your shoulders tense slowly in subtly growing alarm.

“Wh—what happened?” you leant towards him with furrowed brows and pursed lips rubbing together with sudden worry. As your Captain tilted the open handle towards you so you could see, you took his calloused hands in your bandaged one to pull the item closer. “What am I looking at? I can’t see anything…”

Your eyes flicked upwards to meet Levi’s, who simply closed his eyes and shook his head with a frown in reply. A similar frown began to tug at your own lips as you looked back down to the handle’s innards.

“Levi, what did you find?”

“What do you see, [f/n]?”

“N-nothing at all…”

“Hm. I see you found all of the fucks I give.”

A deep gasp filled your lungs as your fingers tightened around his in shock and you turned your head upwards to look at the mangled handle to his steely eyes. The grey hues were ever the same, but his lips were pursed and firm as if he were trying to stifle a laugh.

“That was awfu— _ow!_ ” you yelped when Levi tugged the handle unceremoniously, making your fingers that were over his curve the wrong way, irritating your bandaged wounds. The soldier’s body jerked a little in surprise as his body was shocked into attention at your cry. Less than gently, the man chucked the metal contraption to the table and pulled your fingers closer to his face for him to look down to. You barely caught the grumpy mumbles beneath his breath as he examined your mangled digits, checking for any reopened cuts and bleeding before his head snapped up to meet his eyes with yours. Noses were barely touching. Levi’s frown was prominent, and almost even accusatory.

“It’s bleeding again, idiot,” he spluttered sharply. “Why are we even teaching a practical with your stupid-ass fingers?”

Childishly, you puffed your cheeks, not moving your fingers away from his, and maintaining the scarce space between the two of you.

“I’m fine, Levi,” you retorted while trying your best to maintain a brave face.

Levi scoffed in response. “Bullshit,” he criticised, letting go of your fingers. “Go to the infirmary, [f/n]. We both know you were meant to take it fucking easy with your hands.”

Okay. Okay. So he was right. You weren’t really meant to even be doing any work at all since your pointers ended up being worse than you originally thought. Broken porcelain cuts deep, my friend. But that didn’t stop you from sulking at your superior.

“Don’t give me any shit. Go.”

You bit your lip.

“I need to assess the cadets.”

“You need to not lose your fingers.”

“Touché,” you breathily sighed. “You’re okay with looking after these ones on your own?” you checked, pursing your lips and nipping on the inside of it as you tilted your head towards your subordinates.

Levi only rolled his eyes in reply.

“I’ll look after the kids.”

Shaking your head, you released a little exhale of a laugh. _'The kids',_ huh?

“Don’t forget to write down progress and whatnot, Captain,” you reminded him with a smile as you shuffled to get up from your seat. The grumpy soldier did the same, and the pair of you stood to face each other. Your bandaged hand was pressed to your chest, supported by your other hand, while your Captain stood with his arms formally held behind his back.

“Hurry up, Squad Leader.” Levi nudged his chin towards the nearest entrance to the HQ, to which you simpered at.

“I won’t be long,” you promised as you took a step backwards.

“I trust that you won’t be.”

As you skipped off, neither of you noticed how some cadets had temporarily stopped their actions to observe their Squad Leader and Captain's interactions. Some of them grinned almost knowingly, and others were wide-eyed with interest, having never quite seen the more concerned side of their Captain before that you seemed to evoke in him.

* * *

 

“And how did Eren do? Last I checked on him, he was refusing help from his sister,” you mumbled into your steaming teacup.

“The kid ended up finishing just fine. Blondie didn’t help either.”

Eyebrows raised in an impressed manner. You weren’t quite expecting that.

That’s how the night had been so far. Just like the time before, Levi had come to your office long after waking hours and walked with you to the mess hall, candle holder guiding you both. He had been filling you in on what you'd missed, since you ended up spending the remainder of the assessment in the infirmary, getting restitched and re-bandaged by the head nurse. Not without a firm scolding, of course. 

So there you were, sat with Levi in a barely lit room, your only other company being the moon that filtered through the windows in slots. Yet another comfortable atmosphere soaked into the pair of you. 

You rested your head on your hand before you spoke, "I'm glad the kids weren't a handful." With a light and playful tone, you tried to bite back a smile and failed. It made Levi roll his eyes, but he had his own half-smirk. 

"You definitely do mother them sometimes," he remarked.

"Someone has to when you're so strict with them all the time!"

Levi grunted in a weak attempt to protest and went on to swirl the contents of the teacup being held in his fingertips. The man had barely taken a sip, which made you furrow your brows in worry. He was looking down at the earthy brew you had made with a blank stare and knitted eyebrows, paired with a firm frown. Well, firmer than usual. 

"If I may be so forward," you started, locking your shoulders with nerves as the tone of the conversation shifted. Levi hummed in response. "Is everything okay?"

This caught his attention as his eyes flickered from his teacup to your face, and back down to the porcelain. But still, he said nothing. 

"The only reason you're up before me in the morning is if there's an expedition or if you haven't slept at all. And you were already in your office," you pointed out, worry in your voice and concern in your heart. "You've barely been eating too, and don't think I haven't noticed you spacing out sometimes."

Oh boy.

He hoped to all three goddesses that you hadn't caught him idly checking you out earlier.

Levi shifted in his seat and took a tiny drink of his tea as if to ease your worry even by a little bit. 

"All I'm saying is look after yourself, Levi.  By Monday I won't be around to help you anymore," you gently scolded, holding up a finger just as you saw he was about to speak. "I know you're strong, but that doesn't mean you're not still human."

With the teacup's rim pressed against his lips, the soldier's chest rose and fell with a deep sigh. He couldn't sleep. He lost his appetite. He couldn't even go half an hour without his mind wandering. 

Yeah. This... this was a thing. Levi knew what was happening, in the back of his mind he always wondered about it. But apparently, the sudden shift of change made his attempt at suppression all the more futile. Maybe he could just ignore it? Pass it off as mere stress, and dismiss the gentle heart palpitations you played from him like a drum at your whim.

Silence loomed over the conversation, making you surface a lopsided and genuine smile. 

"I won't pry, but you at least owe yourself a full night's sleep. Finish your tea and let's go to bed?"

The way the amber glow illuminated the features he grew so fond of, the way your eyes crinkled to accompany your familiar smile, and the way your lips curled upwards so gently, just for him...

Well _, shit._ Levi didn't stand a chance. 

He took two big gulps of his tea and sighed deeply, revelling in the feeling of the beverage's steam ghosting over his skin. 

"Very well, [f/n]. Let's finish quickly then go."

You bore your pearly whites in victory before you finished the last of your tea and begun cleaning up. Levi hurriedly swallowed the last few sips of his own brew before he hastily sat up and tugged the silver tray from your hands - firm enough to stop your movements, but not so rough as you startle you. 

"Not with those shitty fingers," he grumpily rated as he pulled the serving tray from your hands and set his own teacup on it. He didn't leave much room for argument, as he was already leaving the mess hall to the kitchen. 

It was a good thing he left so quickly. His face might have blown up in a flush if he caught your smile, half-bitten back by your teeth with your upturned eyebrows.

"Thank you, sir."

No more words were really said after that. The pair of you understood that the conversation had closed for the night as you held the illuminating candle holder in your hand, navigating the hallways and corridors the both of you knew like the back of your hand. The only sound for a good while was the padding of military boots on wood before yet again, you and your Captain had slowed to stand in front of your doors. There was only a second or two of stillness before you spoke up.  

"You'll try and sleep tonight, yes?" you said, meaning it as more of a statement than anything. 

Levi let out a heavy breath through his nose. 

" _'Try'_ being the key word."

"Maybe a little teddy to cuddle would do you some good," you joked quietly, earning you a scoff and a tut. You shook your head with a smile on your lips. 

"As ridiculous as it sounds, honestly, do just knock on the wall if you need anything. A cup of tea. A little chat. Anything," you offered with sincerity, turning your head to give him a gentle expression to let him know you were being truthful. "Assistant or not, I'll always be where you need me."

His head turned by a few centimetres to match your eyes. He hummed before his eyes dropped, unable to hold your gaze for fear of over appreciating your Seraph smile. 

"I know."

You nodded in approval. 

"In that case, good night, Levi," you sweetly reposed as you entered your room. 

"Sleep well, [f/n]," the man returned, entering his own quarters. 

As you stripped down and blew out your candle, you slept soundly, unknowing of the Captain's thoughts just a few feet away. The dark haired man sat at the table that was pressed against the wall that separated him from you and mindlessly tapped his fingertips against the wall. He repeated the action until he lay one arm on the desk, head cushioned by one arm and other hand outstretched, still tapping away. It only stopped when he eventually fell asleep in the chair, with his thoughts on the woman who laid asleep only a room away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gosh, thank you guys so much for the lovely comments and kudos! They make me so giddy and so excited to finish the chapter!! This one took agesss to write -- it's 4.6k words long! So thank you for waiting for this chapter~ I was worried that this one might be paced too weirdly, but ah, I can edit it easily if you guys think so! See you guys next chapter!


	10. Play Pretend

What could possibly be more intimidating than having to face down Captain Levi himself?

Well, having an interview with him, of course.

You decided to heed his scolding yesterday of taking it easy with the manual labour. Actually, you had planned for far, _far_ more action and physical work for today's examinations, but you decided against it as you noticed the mangled skin of your fingers while getting them redressed. And boy, was it not a pretty sight. The stitches that adorned your palm were like little punchlines for you that full-stopped your decision to leave the exciting tests for tomorrow. For now, you and your Captain would calmly (but thoroughly) interrogate each cadet with a relentless amount of questions in your respective offices, splitting up the number of cadets to make the process go by twice as fast.

"Was there anything that had you confused about yesterday's activity?" quizzed the new Squad Leader, nearly at her ends from repeating the same questions over and over again between every cadet. But nevertheless, your voice was firm as you tried to harden a persona of intimidation.

"Was a piece of cake since I read some paragraphs about the dispensers. All it needed was some of that black tape stuff and a bit of tightening-"

"Insulating tape?" you asked as you noted down the cadet's confidence and willingness to learn, but the lack of some terminology. That would come with time, though.

"That's the one," he grinned, proud that the interview wasn't going so bad.

"Good, good. You're doing well, Kirschtein." Preparing for the curveball question, you neatly placed your quill down next to the drying parchment and leant forward on your desk, hands clasped under your chin as you took the posture of authority. "Final question before you can go." The cadet nodded, lips thinned to an almost nervous lopsided smile and shoulders stiff with anticipation. "Say we're on the field. It’s me, you, and your three team members. We're situated in a particularly dispersed part of Wall Maria's land and we've lost the formation."

Jean nodded again. He was obviously uncomfortable with the way your constructed sentences loomed over him with judgement. The cadet kind of felt like a weed being over-shaded by a cathedral tower.

"I've been caught by a Titan, and I tell you all to make a break for it and leave without me. Would you save me and risk yourselves while possibly having all of us live, or follow my orders as your superior and give yourselves a better chance of your own survival, while I've bought time?"

The cadet harshly winced at your last query. Words were woven with very obvious purpose, with the intention to throw him off balance. Not on his watch though. Jean dug his short fingernails into his palm as he stole a few half-seconds of thought. Sadly, time was a luxury you weren't willing to provide, no matter how short. You opened your mouth to reprimand his pondering, but you were stopped in the midst of a sharp inhale when he spoke a single word that would prove to startle you beyond any other answer that had been provided to you the entire day.

"Both."

The woman raised her eyebrows with interest. Your silence made Jean gulp, Adam's apple bobbing with tension.

"Elaborate, Kirschtein," you encouraged, to which the boy obliged.

"You said it was dispersed housing, right? And houses disperse more the further we get from the walls," he began, voice cracking at the start. Eventually, he found his confidence as he gradually built up his conviction to be taller than his anxiousness. "If we've lost the formation, it probably means we've not got access to the supply squad, and we’re no doubt too far from the walls to make it without refilling gas." His eyes kept flickering from his hands to you as if he was looking for some sort of approval. "So we fight and save you - and your gear. It gives the squad time t-to... take your gas canisters since there definitely won't be enough gas for all five of us... and top ourselves up with what you have left and..."

The boy's voice trailed into nothing before you handed him a stepping stone.

"Leave me?"

"...Yeah," Jean confirmed, nodding once as your eyes locked. “S-since you’d… offered yourself anyway.”

You mirrored his actions, nodding slowly as you considered the decision. A spot of pride swelled in your chest.

"Good on you to think of supplies. I certainly didn't," you scrunched your eyebrows but still smiled in a weird expression. How come you hadn't thought of that outcome?

The look on Jean's face wasn't any prettier as it contorted into a sort of frown. "Yeah, well, let's just say that I've had bad experiences with running out of gas in the past."

Smiling apologetically, you recalled that the 104th squad had been caught up in the battle of Trost nearly a year ago, anniversary soon approaching. You had heard tales of how the supply squad hid in terror as the rest of them dropped like flies – literally. Poor boy had seen more than he ought to while he was fresh out of training.

"Hm. One more question, actually."

Jean's eyebrows twitched. One last question.

"How are you doing?"

Tension dropped from his frame at the unexpected query. You noticed his confusion and continued.

"You were sitting alone yesterday, I was just about to come see you before the Captain interrupted me," you explained in a much easier tone, setting down your interlocked hands on the table. "You're from Trost, aren't you?"

Jean nodded with a mandatory,  _'yes ma'am'_. A light smile was given in return.

"Then I understand that this might be a tough time for you. Subordinate or otherwise, night or day, my door is open for you if you need to talk to someone." Jean's eyes flickered to the side, a strange break from his usual display of bravado. It was quickly replaced by a toothy smirk, though.

"Thanks, Squad Leader, you really are the coolest," complimented the cadet, making your smile wider. "I'll come to you if anything comes up."

"Tell the rest of the cadets too. You're all here to serve humanity, not totally break down at the mercy of mental health."

With that, the interview was over. A few polite formalities between officer and cadet had been exchanged along with Jean's respect-brimming salute before he left your office. Not without a shit-eating grin and a bragging swagger, of course.

Thank the walls he was your last cadet for the day. You finished up writing Jean's report, noting the key points of the interview and triple underlining his response to the last question. It was a good, calculated, and balanced decision - following your orders while still maximising survivability for his teammates. One could only hope that he maintains that level of leadership and cool-headedness outside of the walls.

With those thoughts pushed to the side for now, you began your journey to the Captain's office. You offered a little smile and nod of acknowledgement towards Ymir as you caught the lanky woman leaving Levi's office. The woman had left the door wide open.  From the look of her smirk, the interview went well. But the grumbling Captain who rained profanities down onto the report he was writing said otherwise. The sight made you want to laugh a little since it was obvious that the girl had done something to annoy him. As you took a seat in front of his desk, the chair creaked, but Levi still kept his sights on his writing.

"Alright you little shit, let's get to the point. What's your opinion on [f/n]?" he asked, voice hardened enough with exasperation to dent through metal.

It made you raise your eyebrow. That question hadn't been on the sheet you gave him. But if he thought you were a cadet, you would play along.

A mischievous smile curled on the corners of your lips.

"She's gorgeous, intelligent …  _irresistibly_  attractive." You emphasised your words as little laughs interrupted every other syllable. Of course, you weren’t that self-conceited, but you did like a good bit of verbal swordplay every now and then.

A tut was all you got as you saw the Captain's eyes tick from his report to you, but the petite half-smile he sported wasn't missed.

"So Levi, how'd the young ones do?" you questioned, leaning forward in your seat slightly.

"If you please, [l/n], this is a formal interview," he replied with mock anger. "You will address me properly."

Oh, so he was in a playful mood now, was he? Alright then, you'd humour him. Gleefully, you bit your lip as you failed to pull back a smile. The man seemed to be up for a lot more banter recently (the Levi kind, full of well-spirited insults and joking nips at each other) which you didn't mind at all. In fact, you liked it - it just meant that he was less stressed lately, and you were used to the little pockets of whimsical digs from your years spent with the man. Moments like these weren't totally uncommon, so you sat up in your seat and surfaced the most serious expression you could. You really weren't successful though. The smile on your lips was a testament to that.

"Apologies, Captain Levi, sir," you said with narrowed eyes. "You're just not the height of someone above the status of a cadet, so it's easy to forget sometimes." Mischief dripped from your tone. Levi's eyebrows twitched with distaste, but his barely-there smirk persisted.

“I will ignore that comment and continue with the interview,” the soldier rebuked, his voice laced with a sprinkle of danger. "Even if the position I'm interviewing you for seems to be under an airhead of a Squad Leader." Levi's lips pursed with amusement at your over dramatically hurt expression. "First off, what do you think you can bring to the table?"

In mock-thought, you tapped your index finger on your plump bottom lip before replying. "A tray of tea, like I always do, Captain." The lame joke made the older soldier roll his eyes. "Oh, come on! That was funny!"

"Secondly," he continued, ignoring your awful pun. "What can you tell me about your weaknesses? Apart from how easy it is to floor you in hand-to-hand."

You pouted. First, he dismisses a great play on words, and then he pokes fun at your combat? Not cool.

"That was like five years ago, Levi." You scrunched your nose remembering your time as a fresh cadet, and your infamous five-second fight with the man. "I could totally throw you over my shoulder now," you provoked with a bark in your voice to match Levi's bite.

Humming with disregard, Levi nodded once. "Yes, and I'll walk around HQ with my dick out the day that happens," he grunted, knowing full well that while you might have had the upper hand on him mentally, physically, he was superior by miles. Levi could only sneer when you let out a childish little  _'whatever'._

For a moment, Levi considered whether to confront you on something that had been bothering him all day. It had been burning a hole through his mentality from the moment he read it, and there was something about the images they planted in Levi’s head that made him squirm internally. He opened his mouth and inhaled, only to shut it again as he thought twice.

 _No, no._ He _had_ to ask you about it.

"Lastly, [f/n]," you perked up at the sound of him using a more informal register. "What the fuck was that last question?" he interrogated with knitted eyebrows, expression more concerned than angry, although his voice had left him a tad more forceful than intended. As he asked you, he hit the parchment in his hands with his other knuckle, emphasising his irritation. It was the sheet you had given him full of the interview questions.

It made you chew on your bottom lip. You hadn't expected him to be all that phased by it, really. "Just wondering what the cadets would do in a split second situation, you know?"

"No, I suppose I don't know," Levi grunted, rolling his eyes yet again. "You really think any of those brats stand a chance on their own?"

Folding your arms, you leant forward in your seat. His reaction was making you a little agitated.  _‘Those brats’_  were your future responsibility. "It's not about that, Levi. It's about finding out if these cadets follow their moral compass or my orders."

"Some shitty orders you're giving out," he muttered, folding his arms too.

You couldn't believe this. Were the pair of you really arguing over a hypothetical situation?

_"Levi."_

"[f/n]," he echoed. "Your duty as a Squad Leader includes looking after your team. You really think they'd make their  _shitty_  way to the  _shitty_ walls all by themselves?"

"You know more than anyone that trusting your squad is the only way to go about it,  _Captain_ ," you snapped, emphasising the use of his title with bitter plosives. Levi’s features twitched as if he received an imaginary blow. Rising from your seat, your figure stood taller than his seated one as you leant on his desk menacingly. "We both know that you would do the exact same for your squad, so don't pin  _your_  vexations on  _me_ being a bad leader."

After all that, you were given nothing. No reply, no rebuke – nothing. Your fingers that were wound around the edge of the Captain’s desk tightened as you tried to pin down your agitation. This was becoming less and less about a hypothetical and more about Levi doubting your abilities, you toxically convinced yourself. A finger was accusingly pointed towards the seated man, who looked as irritated at life as he always did, with clasped hands pressed against his lips as his elbows rested on his desk. His lack of care only heated the bubbling in your stomach. So you took it upon yourself to steal the silence.

“Not all of us are as oh-so-perfect as _Humanity’s Strongest,_ ” you jabbed shallowly, with your voice shaking a little more than you would have liked it to. Levi’s minuscule flinch did not go unnoticed. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I fear the longer I stay, the higher the chance I have of being done in for misconduct and insubordination.”

Sharply, you pushed yourself off the desk and stood straight. The anger that you felt at your very core forced you back into your defence mechanism – your ‘by-the-book’ default setting. What else could you do when the man you respected the most had such little faith in your leadership? You stood pillar-straight with a respectful distance between you and his desk, giving the source of your temper a blank expression along with the epitome of a soldier’s perfect salute.

“Apologies for wasting your time, Captain Levi, sir,” you barked, knuckles turning white as your salute was beginning to crumble away. The seated figure only watched. The bottom half of his face was masked by the clasped hands. You couldn't tell at all what he was thinking. He slowly closed his eyes and exhaled. You did the same. The both of you took a few seconds to mutually understand something…

Finally, this was your first real argument with each other in all three and a half years of working for him.

Silence fell on you both for a moment, like a thin blanket of chilling snow that melted away just as quickly. You opened your eyes, frown firmly in place and eyes unwaveringly full of acuity. Dutifully, you nodded as you parted with a “Good day, Captain.”

As you left his office, you didn’t look back.

There was only one thought on both your minds after the soft ‘click’ of a shutting lock was heard.

How do two people who have never fought before know how to make up?

* * *

 

“Come on now, [f/n], you can vent more when we’re in the mess hall,” Nanaba murmured softly with a sympathetic smile. “I’m sure you’ll feel much better once you’ve got some food in you.”

You nodded into her chest quietly with a little pout turning on the corners of your lips. The blonde woman stroked your hair for a few more seconds, calming your breathing a little more before tenderly placing her hands on your shoulders. After nuzzling into her soft chest for just a second longer, you pulled away and looked up at her familiar eyes.

“I don’t want to argue with him.”

The woman tucked a few strands of hair behind your ear in a motion of solace.

“I know,” she said, voice low and level. “Do you want me to bring food up here?”

Shaking your head, you silently declined her offer and did your utmost to evoke the energy to smile. You were upset, not totally out of function. But as much as you hated to admit it, your out of proportion tiff with the Captain had really affected you. Little flickers of anger would ignite in you every now and then as you'd remember the way he denied your abilities as a Squad Leader. It only got worse when you would recall how he did absolutely nothing about it. He didn't try to justify his implied accusations, he didn't try to apologise, or even fight back. To be honest, you were beginning to consider if you overreacted. Maybe the stress of having four soldiers under your care has been getting to you? Or perhaps the piling responsibilities? You did your best to rationalise your reaction all the way to the mess hall, arms linked with Nanaba's as you walked with shoulders pressed against each other in an act of comfort. 

As doors pushed open to dinner in full swing, you did your best to keep to yourself and Nanaba. No eye contact with anyone else. No showing anyone you were particularly bothered (bar Nanaba, of course). This was just a matter of pretending to be fully okay until you actually were, even if the heavy feeling of resentment started to wriggle its way into your stomach.

"Looks busy," Nanaba stated as she scanned the hall. "Can you grab us a pair of seats? I'll get your food," wagered the woman, which you agreed to with a weighted grin. The taller woman unlinked your arms and placed her arm around your shoulders, giving you a reassuring squeeze before you parted ways. Your best friend did coddle you sometimes, but you knew she did it out of the goodness of her heart.

* * *

 

A few tables over, Hange bounced restlessly in her seat as she emitted irritated noises between mouthfuls of food.

"Whatever, Mike! They do that all the time!" squabbled the crazed scientist as she chewed between syllables, waving the spoon in her hand at the smug looking officer who sat next to her. "It doesn't count!"

Mike ran his thumb over his stubble as he held his chin in thought, observing the two ladies who intimately sat close to each other from across the mess hall. "I mean, it does. It absolutely does."

"Come on! The  _'[f/n] ex Nanaba'_  train is done. It's run its course." Hange knew that she was being over dismissive, but she was convinced she was right. That, and she didn't have the seventy marks to pay for this bet if she lost it. "Trust me, Mike. I used to root for them too, but I have seen the light! The romantic, really awkward new light!" she sang, pressing the back of her clasped hands to her cheeks in a display of exaggerated wistfulness. 

"I highly doubt this is an appropriate thing to discuss, Mike, Hange," Erwin scolded, having silently listened to their conversation with masked interest for the entirety of dinner so far.

Whining in defeat, Hange dropped her shoulders and sighed. "Come on, Erwin," she droned, leaning forward to whisper to the Commander in front of her. "We don't have even a speck of a love life, so this is as close as it gets for us." Mike chuckled with agreement as Erwin deeply exhaled, shaking his head.

"Loosen up, Erwin," the male veteran convinced with upturned lips. "It's a bit of fun, even if the outcome is obvious," Mike accusingly proclaimed, moving to look at Hange with a smug smile as he tilted his chin towards the two women in question. Hange looked over to observe what Mike had pointed out. Frown deepening, Hange plopped her spoon into her bowl and threw her hands up in frustration. You had your head nestled into Nanaba's side as the taller woman smiled warmly down at you.  "Gal pals, huh, Hang-- ow, what was that for?"

The scientist had childishly kicked her heel into the man who sat beside her. Erwin could only face palm, hardly believing that two of his top officers were descending into... whatever this was.

"Hange," Erwin sternly scolded into his palm. "You should know better than to be so improper over dinner." Refusing to acknowledge the telling off she was receiving, Hange sank into her seat. "But... I do agree with you. The other option does seem to be a much better fit," the Commander considered with a playful grin, much to Hange's overwhelmingly sudden joy, expressed by her arms being thrown up with a yell of triumph over Mike.

Said veteran cleared his throat, gaining the attention of the Commander and the scientist and therefore halting the conversation. The brunette was just about to ask what was wrong before-

"Do I even want to know what stupid topic she's being chastised for?" pierced an infamously distinguishable voice from beside the blond commander, making him jump slightly (and thus causing Hange to giggle). Levi was holding a tray, looking as fucked off at the world as he always did. Though, something in his voice sounded more weighted than usual.

Quickly looking to shift the subject, Mike readjusted his posture. "You're late for dinner, Levi," he pointed out, drawing a 'tch' from the shortest one present.

"It's not my fault your shitty offices are so far apart," the Captain angrily carped as he took a seat next to the Commander, dropping his tray of bland food onto the table with a cringingly loud 'clang'. "Fucking whatever, you'll all find your shitty fucking reports on your fucking nasty desks."

 _Wall Maria._  The three of them, more than anyone, were used to Levi's permanently grumpy demeanour, but this was something else.

The woman leant over the table again, shoulders squished together with tension. "[f/n] didn't send us the papers for you?" she blurted with upturned eyebrows, palms pressed against the edge of the table in anticipation.

Levi continued to chew his mouthful with a bored expression. The table fell silent. Erwin remained facing forwards, but his narrowed eyes slid towards the Captain to his left. 

He swallowed.

"No."

Well, that was anti-climactic.

Nevertheless, Hange was invested as she was nearly on her feet since she was leaning so far over.

"Why not?!" her head turned to where you sat with the blonde veteran, noticing your resting head on her shoulder. Even the other two males look concerned. It was only once in a blue moon that you would skip out on even one of your responsibilities as his assistant, and from the looks of things, you were in no particular rush to get them done. [f/n] was notably efficient at her job, often marked by other officers for her efforts that went beyond the role.

Levi lazily dragged his glare to look at Hange with half-lidded eyes, heavy with apathy. "Busy? Doesn't want to? I don't give a shit."

It was a blatant lie. Levi pinched his temples with his thumb and middle finger. He was down a few cups of caffeine, having spent the remainder of his afternoon trying to sort his papers and having no time to make a tea for himself. In the end, he decided to fuck it, not having the patience for the intricate but effective way you organised his papers. Though it did mean his work process was incredibly fragmented and disorganised, his brain not used to working with the sporadic order of papers. After dinner, he'd have to replace his candles, wherever the sticks could be found in the many storage sheds. Then he'd have to replace his ink bottles (he didn't have a fucking clue where to find those either) and see about double checking with Erd about him taking over during Levi's next days off... oh, fucking hell, he'd have to go to the stables and see to his horse before retiring for the night too... What other dull shit did you do for him anyway?

"What... what happened to him?" Mike prodded, poking the phased-out Captain on the shoulder. He didn't budge, smack his hand away, look up, or anything - wha..?

The Captain had ignored Hange's whole rant (or simply hadn't heard it) about how [f/n] would never skip out on duties without a good reason, and she was already marching over to where you sat before anybody could stop her.

Erwin, the poor bastard, could only sigh and closed his eyes. He hadn't a clue what was happening, and he was too exasperated to do anything else but wonder if he was running a daycare or a military faction.

* * *

 

"So let me get this straight," Hange began, hand cupping her right cheek. "You and the shorty had a lover's tiff..." You pursed your lips at her choice of words but allowed her to continue. "About a hypothetical where you were in danger." You nodded as you pursed your lips. "And he was really angry, but you think it's because he was picking on your position as a Squad Leader."

Shoulders dropped and you started to pick at your pristine sleeve meekly. "I shouted at him too..."

"He didn't run after you when you left or anything?" the scientist whined as her seventy marks were becoming more and more of a dream. "He didn't grab your hand just before you walked through the door and say, 'Wait, [f/n], I'm sorry and I'm stupid and just worried about you, please don't leave'," she mocked with an overly low and monotone voice. You guessed it was supposed to mimic Levi's tone, and it made you lightly giggle into your hand.

With a sorrowful but sweet smile, you shook your head as your giggles began to trace away.

"I don't know about you, but he seems too stubborn to apologise," Nanaba grumbled as she leant her head on her arm, elbow resting on the edge of the table. The brunette sat across from you solemnly nodded. "From what this one's told me anyway."

"I-it doesn't matter. I was the one who overreacted so I'm just going to go to his office after di-"

"No!" Hange slammed her palm onto the wooden table, making some soldiers around you flinch and jump. "You have to play hard to get," she grouched, barely audible in volume, making you tilt your head and scrunch your eyebrows. "Wait for  _him_  to come to  _you._ ” Her grin was wide and mischievous. In all honesty, it made you a little nervous.

“Why would I do that?” you asked, eyes narrowing with confusion. “It just makes it long-winded and stuff… And I can’t ignore him forever. Someone has to do all his boring work for him.”

Hange chortled and her smile widened. “Not forever, but just trust me on this.”

You sighed, not being able to understand the woman’s intentions at all. “No, Hange. I can’t do all this assistant-y stuff _and_ have him angry at me. It’ll be weird and awkward.”

The dark haired woman grumbled incoherent words under her breath – something about ‘awkward anyway’ and ‘sexual tension’.

“You’ve given me no choice, [f/n],” Hange declared, as she exhaled dramatically. What did she mean by that? “You are to leave Levi alone until he approaches you first.” So what? It’s not like she could force you or anythi—“That’s an order.”

God dammit. Curse your undying loyalty to rank and hierarchy…

But wait—! Your head perked up when you came to a realisation.

“Hange, we’re both Squad Leaders…” you reasoned with her. “You can’t order me to do anything.” With folded arms, you gave her a little complacent smile. It was quickly dropped from your face when she retorted.

“Last I checked, I’m also a Section Commander,” she grinned triumphantly.

Point one to Hange Zoe.

Nanaba groaned into her palm. She knew what you were like when it came to commands from higher ranks. And she also knew that Hange was obviously up to something. The blonde could only watch as you deflated in your seat, seemingly defeated to the concept of imperatives from ranked superiors. Oh well. She supposed it wouldn’t cause _that_ much trouble.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOY. I'm so goddamn unsure about this chapter, I was so tempted to just scrap it all and try again. But then I remembered that I want to update regularly for you lovely folks and I hurt a little inside ;_; I seem to be getting more insecure by the day when it comes to all this writing. Anyway, I hope you guys liked this chapter! Feedback is appreciated, and thank you for your comments and kudos as always <3 See you next chapter!


	11. Camraderie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to any of you who saw the first version of this! I accidentally posted when it wasn't ready yet! Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter!

 Alright. Maybe offering yourself up to the cadets was a badly-thought idea. You didn't quite realise how seriously the young soldiers needed a veteran's hand to support themselves with, and Kirschtein had certainly done a solid job of spreading your offer of solace to anyone who lacked it.

After Hange had trotted from the dinner table triumphantly, Sasha had slid over next to you, asking if she could have a chat in your office as she picked at the apple in her hand. Of course, you happily obliged, glad to help out a fellow soldier in need. She had a fight with her best friend, Connie, it turned out. (You could only laugh at the slight parallel and the irony of you giving advice). You advised her that confrontation was the only way, and it would be better as soon as they talked it out like adults. Sasha solemnly agreed with you after that and went on to presumably find the short boy.

Just as you were about to leave your office a meek looking Armin stopped you, requesting some advice on the little shoots of anxiety he'd been getting. While you weren't qualified to aid him properly, you did promise him a safe space and open ear in your office, to which he gladly accepted. The small blond had even surprisingly given you a hesitant hug! You were stiff with shock at first but happily placed your arms around him soon after. The boy meekly apologised at the sudden action, but you gladly dismissed it, simply happy you could ease his troubled mind some.

Once Armin left, it was Mikasa, to your surprise. The girl quietly asked you to help her with a tear in her trademark scarf. You guessed that the other officers were unapproachable when it came to these things, and were just glad you did actually have a sewing kit - only a small one, used to sort out any frays or wears in the Captain's clothes before he could notice. Mikasa looked undyingly grateful when you handed her the patched scarf, a neat seam now embedding a fraction of the edge. She hadn't left your side the entire time as if she was overlooking an operation. The look in her eyes was almost tearful as she held the red bundle against herself, giving you a hearty, 'thank you, Squad Leader!'

"Uugh!" You sluggishly slid down your office chair, finally having a moment to yourself. The 104s were certainly a handful – lovable bunch of handfuls, at least. 

You did care for the cadets, dearly so, but within just a day you feared that you had turned into the counsellor (and seamstress) for an entire platoon of young soldiers.

Suddenly, you sat upright in your office seat.

Hold on... counsellors don't listen to teenage drama, or hug, or sew torn clothes...

A rush of breath left your slightly parted lips heavily, making a 'fffh' sound as you came to a realisation.

You were becoming the mom-friend. Mom-Squad-Leader. Whatever you would call it.

It made sense, you supposed. Your attentive but stern personality screamed a motherly nature, but before you had always chalked that up to being Levi's assistant.

But... you realised the other options, and perhaps weren't as perplexed as you were just a moment ago. If you laid out the other officers, their choices for an adult to confide in were--

 

  1. An intimidatingly giant blond with scarily grey morals
  2. An even larger blond who does nothing but sniff at you throughout a conversation 
  3. A crazed scientist who has the unreasonable habit of talking so quickly, she drools at times
  4. A tiny raging midget from the depths of hell itself



 

And then there was you, option number five. You were one of the younger Squad Leaders, contributing to the ease of interaction with the cadets who were barely adults. Despite your uptight attitude towards rules, you did always have a gentler streak. In an environment like this especially, you needed to be some kind of show of humility and compassion - a reminder to your fellow soldiers of the kind of humanity that they were fighting for. Call it what you will; an act of false exterior defence or lack thereof. Regardless, your approachable image was now serving a larger purpose. 

This wasn't about being kind for the sake of it. This was becoming about standing as an extra pillar of support. 

A sudden thudding on your door, which was held ajar, snapped you from your self-indulgent musing. Your head jerked up to look towards the noise.  

"Come in," you called.

A knowing smile graced your lips when a mess of mousy brown hair poked through the door. One more cadet to look after, it seemed. You gestured towards one of the seats in front of your desk as you stood from behind your table to sit next to Jean. You realised before that being on the same level as the cadets physically helped them feel at ease. So instead of being elevated by your office chair, you took it upon yourself to sit beside your younger confidants. 

Somewhat hesitantly, the tall cadet shuffled towards the plush seat. He rubbed the back of his neck as he smiled, hazel eyes making an effort to avoid yours. 

"H-hey Squad Leader. So..." he trailed.

"It's past curfew," you scolded lightly with a finger being ticked towards Jean, reprimanding him without any real malice.

"I know, I know," he sheepishly grinned. Ungracefully, he plopped down onto the seat you gestured to and turned towards you. "I just wanted to talk. Needed to."

Sliding your uniform jacket from your shoulders, you draped the fabric across the back of your seat. It was an act of informality to comfort the obviously nervous cadet. 

"Alright, but I won't let this slide," you warned with raised eyebrows. "First name terms when we talk like this, Jean. We're equals in this situation."

Slightly dumbfounded, the boy gave an open-mouthed nod. 

"So," prompted the woman. 

"So a year ago," Jean began, taking a short pause not long into his speech. He took a deep breath as if he was preparing to dive head-first into a pool. You allowed him the seconds to think this time, in contrast to your hasty attitude earlier that day. "A year ago my best friend died."

Yes, that's right. The battle of Trost. As if seeing his home being overrun wasn't enough...

With soft eyes and an encouraging hum, you nodded but said nothing. 

"You remind me of him, like,  _a lot_." Ah, now that wasn't expected. "He looked after everyone, y'know? And his dumb freckled ass hardly gave time for himself." Jean's mouth was tugged into a smile, though it didn't reach his eyes, seemingly lost in a much deeper place. "No matter what, no matter how shitty or cocky or insufferable I was, he'd stick right by me and tell me,  _'Oh Jean, you'd make a great leader!'_ " The impression of the unnamed friend was crude, but you guessed from the much softer tone of the crumbling boy in front of you that he was a gentle soul. "Kinda’ like you and the Captain." The brown haired boy sneered at this, letting out a huff of air in short amusement. 

"I dunno Jean, did you make five cups of tea a day for your friend?" you joked, laugh feather-light with the weight of good intent. 

Jean's grin matched your tittering. "No, but I did once sneak him three pudding cups when he was really upset." He smirked, eyes lighting up with the hues of youth and long lost times. As he leant towards you, his voice turned quieter, as if he was sharing a badly kept secret with you. "One of them? I stole off Shardis."

Suddenly over pouring with shock, your eyes grew and jaw hung slack. "No fucking way.  ** _Keith_** _Shardis_?"

The boy in front of you enthusiastically nodded and his grin was seemingly on the cusp of breaking out into full blown giggles. 

"Three months, [f/n]. Three of them spent carrying two weight packs while we were running track as punishment."

You shook your head with a smile. "The man loves his pudding cups."

"Yeah, well. Marco did too, so whatever."

“Was it really worth it?” you lightly asked, tilting your head towards him with a smug look.

Ghosting over Jean’s face was a sense of wistfulness; a sense of bittersweet nostalgia. There was something grim about it – it was the way the boy seemed to age by years when his worry lines surfaced. “Yeah,” he mused, nodding his head absentmindedly. “Yeah, it totally was.”

A deep exhale left you, but your warm smile endured as you leant your head on your hand.

The silence stirred. But it was the comfortable kind, as Jean reminisced the lighter times.

“Hold on to those memories, Jean."

The boy's head flinched upwards to look at you as he was pulled from his daydreaming. You took his silence as a permit to continue. 

"When you fight, when we're out on the field, hold on to them. Shit like that... people like Marco..." A shaky breath left you as you closed your eyes. Mentally, you sifted through a seemingly countless amount of fallen names you had come to memorise, like constellations to an astrologer. "That's the whole reason we're here, isn't it? We're crazy fuckers with even crazier reasons to fight." Subconsciously, you mumbled names that Jean didn't recognise; veterans, friends, civilians. None went forgotten. "We fight for those who no longer can."

"I... yeah. Like making sure their deaths weren't for nothing?"

Two pairs of eyes connected, tethered by mutual understanding. It was at that moment that Jean noticed something hauntingly striking, if just for a fleeting tick of a clock. He caught eyes that were weighted - equally as heavy as those of the Captain. But just as quickly as the look appeared, the anguished look on your features vanished, replaced by the vibrant hues everyone knew so well in a literal blink of an eye. At that moment the boy was reminded that you were a veteran - an easy fact to forget when you braved the smile that you did every day. You had lost more comrades than he could even begin to comprehend, years of service (and subsequently, loss) shrouded by a thick veil of cheeky grins and hearty jokes.

"Yes. Exactly like that." You threaded your own fingers and pressed your hands against your chest. "We can't guarantee that our deaths will mean something. Especially with the nature of our profession," you bluntly orated. "So we must rely on our comrades to give our deaths meaning. Likewise, they rely on you and me to do the same."

Jean's fingers wound around his right wrist. It was an action you saw him do often, but never brought attention to. You assumed it was just a habitual tic, like the way you'd frequently bring your hands to your chest. In the boy's head though, it was a constant reminder of the part of him that last touched Marco. Or rather, his ashes.

"Marco would've... he would've liked you a lot, [f/n]."

Upturned eyebrows and the softest smile surfaced on your features.

"I bet I would've liked him too."

The evening would wane away just like that. The younger of the two would share his anecdotes of the past, and the older would offer words of amusement and comfort. You learned that he was the only one to ever break up a fight between him and Eren long before fists got involved (you silently swore at the loss of the tremendous talent), and he told you of the time that Connie haphazardly made fun of the boy's freckles. That was one of the rare cases where Marco couldn't defuse a fight before Jean's knuckles met a jaw.

A heavy yawn from Jean would bring your attention to just how late it was getting, and if you were to guess, it was a good two hours past the cadet's curfew.

Jean patted his thighs with a rejuvenated smile. Spending the last hours of the day remembering his fallen friend for the better really lightened his remorse.

"Welp. I guess I should sneak back to the barracks!"

"I guess you should," you replied with a lopsided grin.

With the same cocky swagger from earlier that day, Jean waltzed out of the office as you went to hold the door open. 

Just before he stepped through the threshold, Jean paused.

"Thanks, Squad Leader."

"Anytime, Kirschtein," you encouraged with a strong nod and kind eyes. "Also..." Jean halted mid-step. "Report to my office at zero five hundred hours, cadet." The evillest of grins tugged at your lips when Jean's shit-eating grin disappeared and his shoulders dropped.

"What?!"

"I told you I wouldn't let you get away with breaking curfew."

* * *

 

Levi felt like shit.

He had spent the night in his office, quickly falling back into the unhealthy habit of taking two hour long power-naps in his chair instead of a full night’s rest – a luxury that was only available to him after your employment. But… since he was too goddamn awkward to come to you and apologise for an argument (that had no doubt been blown out of proportion by his silence and your underlying stress), he was left without your assistance; without your sustained supply of caffeine, your paperwork delivery, your constant little errands, and thereafter, Levi was left without your stress-relieving aura. 

The worst part was that every time he grew fed up and beelined for your office, you were busy and in the midst of tending to some shitty little cadet. What business did they have with you any way that was so goddamn important? And whatever he needed to do to make it up to you, he knew he had to do it in private (mostly because an audience would stomp his patience into the ground).

So now here he was, sat in his office and awake at the ass crack of dawn having only bagged two hours of sleep. His disjointed organisation of paperwork meant that he wasn't even halfway through, and he guessed from your absence that you hadn't forgiven him yet. Levi would have to collect his own stack of work today. Maybe he'd make the time if he skipped breakfast. Come to think of it, the last time he skipped breakfast was three and a half years ago...

"Uugghhn," Levi deeply groaned into his palm as he leant back into his chair. He was five minutes into sunrise and already he was hating life. Moreso than usual. 

It hadn't even been a day without your usual presence, and already he was falling back to unhealthy habits. 

Pathetic. He couldn't even last a full 24 hours without you.

No matter.

Levi pushed himself up and flexed the fatigue from his limbs. As he left his office, he caught sight of a deathly exhausted looking cadet - the one that endlessly bickered with Jäger - with arms stacked with gas compressors and handles. The soldier paid no particular mind to it though. He had shit to do.  

He would take a shower, get on with work, and find you mid-morning before you executed today's plans with the Cadets. Hopefully, he would catch you and make amends with you before then. Levi knew how dangerous today could be and frankly, he didn't trust anybody else but himself to help you with it. In fact, he had tried to talk you out of it before but you were determined and could be as stubborn as he could be.

* * *

 

All morning. All fucking morning, Hange wouldn't shut up, and Levi's tolerance was running thin - not that it was durable in the first place. He was only half paying attention though, as he was a man on a mission. The strides he took had an air of determination as he stalked the HQ.

Nobody answered when he knocked on your door. No, of course you weren't in there. You rarely ever lazed about in the morning - he knew you liked to keep productive at every hour.

"Wait-!" Hange panted as she was barely able to keep up with the Captain's long paces. For someone so short, he did walk fast!

You weren't in your office either. Idiot. You left it unlocked. What if someone came in and stole all of your shit? He'd best lock it for you with his master key.

"Sh...shorty..!" The woman took a deep gulp of air. "Are you even listening to me?!"

Shooting Hange a sharp glare, Levi said nothing to the wheezing scientist for a few seconds. 

"I don't care about your stupid fucking bet."

With that, Levi turned away to continue his march towards the training grounds. Did you decide to do today on your own?

"It's not about- Oh for the love of--! Shortyyyy!"

It was getting close to noon; to when you and Levi would usually begin the examinations. The soldier quickened his pace - partly to find you quicker, and partly to get rid of the babbling woman that jogged beside him in an attempt to keep up. With a strong forearm, Levi pushed a set of doors open, leading to the bordered off outdoor area kept for training the cadets. The sudden rush of sunlight forced him to block out the offending rays with his arm as his vision got used to the much brighter scenery. Excited chatters filled his ears and buzzing cadets dotted the area, all fully geared up. Some decided to exclude the uniform jacket, as it was a relentlessly blazing day.

Then he heard your voice.

“Remember, no higher fifteen feet off the ground. Or else we  **will**  come and kick your ass, right there and then,” you threatened, voice booming with autonomy. But still, Levi could not see you, so he decided to move closer.  “If you do fall and you know you won’t recover, how do you try to land?” paused the Squad Leader, awaiting a reply to make sure the young soldiers were listening.

“On our sides, not our back,” chimed an enthusiastic voice belonging to Eren. “Or in Jean’s case, his fat ass!”

Some cadets giggled and murmured amusing comments. But you? You were not in the slightest bit amused.

“I wonder if a spinal cord that’s been shattered into a million pieces will be able to regenerate?” you menacingly yelled.

Levi scoffed as he shuffled his way closer. It would take a minute to get geared up after he resolved the argument with you, but he was sure he could prep quickly. He’d need to do some light warming up though, and talk about safety precautions and—

Oh.

The sight that greeted him as the soldier reached the very back of the crowd made his chest drop a little. Disappointment was not something he felt often, since he expected very little from people, but you… You stood strongly, feet planted into the ground at the very front of the horde of cadets. Your sleeves were rolled up to compensate for the pelting sun rays, and Levi couldn’t help but notice how  _okay_ you looked. He wasn’t going to lie. There was a little pit in his stomach that grew when he saw how little the argument seemed to affect you. You sported no dark eye bags, no fatigued posture, and no clue of distress at all. It fleetingly crossed his mind that perhaps you didn’t need him as much as he needed you.  _Hell,_  he hadn’t even realised how crucial your presence was until you had disappeared from his work life for (a fraction of) a day.

But that was not the main reason for his disappointment. At your side stood a blonde soldier with short hair that was parted in the middle and was a good five inches taller than he did. Levi recognised her as your friend and Mike’s second-in-command. He rushed here for nothing, he supposed. You were fine without him. Totally fine.

Digging his fingernails into his palm, he turned to enter the building once again, stomping right past a frazzled-looking Hange.

You were totally fine without him.

* * *

 

You were  _not_  totally fine without Levi.

Restless, nervous, jumpy - of course you wouldn't be okay after an argument that you weren't allowed to resolve. But thank Sina that Nanaba offered to fill in for Levi today where you'd usually work together with him. To be honest, you didn't really want to do today's examinations with Nanaba. You were so sure yesterday that your Captain would come to you to scold you or reconcile or  _something._  But again, there was silence. The thought of him being perfectly alright without you had been crossing your mind since the little tiff and, well, the fleeting idea couldn't help but sting a little. Originally you were going to resolve it yourself, Hange's orders be damned. You did mull over the possibility of Hange actually getting you into trouble. The bold words of 'insubordination' on your perfect military record made you fold a little. But that didn't matter anymore. The Captain was perfectly alright without you coddling him.

Never mind that. For now, you had to push those thoughts aside. What you were doing today was dangerous, so you couldn't lose focus.

You linked your left arm around Nanaba's right and adjusted the large box that hung to your right hip, making sure it was tight. A little tap was given to the gas compressor that was shared between the two of you, ensuring that it was secure and wouldn't fall right off as straps bound your hips to Nanaba's. The pair of you stood at the very edge of the forest used specifically for 3DMG training. But today you would be testing the cadets' trust and communication. How would they fare if they shared one set of gears between two of them?

"Each and every one of you will tail Nanaba and I as we demonstrate. Do I make myself clear, cadets?" you barked, voice not faltering by a single decibel. A chorus of 'yes ma'am!'s met your call, and you nodded at your teaching companion. "Ready?"

The blonde returned your gesture with a tiny tug at her lips. "Ready."

You both tightened the hold between one another as you took a shaky inhale. Slender fingers wrapped around the grip of your bladeless handle as you slid the axis controllers.

"Three," Nanaba counted. God, this could go so wrong. "Two..."

**"One!"**

A wire split through the air with a whir, and the anchor fanned out as it pitted itself into a trunk. You felt yourself being dragged to the left against your own doing while both you and Nanaba reflexively tucked your legs in for the sake of aerodynamics. 

"Right!" you called as you pressed down on the trigger as soon as you felt the pair of you begin to descend. This time, it was Nanaba who was pulled against the force as your linked arms held secure.

Once the airborne arc was nearing its completion, your comrade yelled. "Left!" 

"Right!"

"Left!"

"Right!"

This...! It was working! You and Nanaba flew like a clockwork bird, perfectly synchronised with years of built up skill and trust. The feeling was unbelievably liberating as you felt the wind whipping against your face, weaving its fingers through your hair. The pair of you expertly swerved around trees together, arms still tightly linked and hearts pumping wildly with adrenaline. It was when the thicket began to thin out that the beating in your ears began to only slightly subside.

"Left - slowing down!"

"Right!" Your breath hitched at a particularly violent pull. "Lower!"

"Left! Got it!"

Both of you began to rely more on the momentum of your suspensions, slowing the frequency of the zipping wires as the demonstration came to a close. Eventually, you were low enough to the ground where the tips of your boots were just barely grazing the ground, kicking up waves of leaves on the way. Soon after the movements slowed down to a near halt, allowing you and your blonde companion to plant your feet on the earthy ground once again. 

For a good half minute, the only sounds were heavy pants as adrenaline began to wash away, leaving the clean feeling of accomplishment. Your eyes met Nanaba's steel blue hues, the pair of you locking sights with vacant smiles being shared. When you tried to take a step forward, you forgot that you and Nanaba had been bound together by the hip and she fumbled to keep upright with a little 'oh shit!'. Luckily, boots were still on the ground as the woman regained her balance and you held your hand against her upper stomach for support, giggling like a schoolgirl at the silliness of the situation, and at the overwhelming feeling of relief. Your friend let out a breathy laugh and placed a hand on the small of your back.

Not long after the laughing subsided, whirring and zipping of wires closed in, bewildered cadets nearing closer. You quickly snapped to reality and pulled away, unbinding the straps that linked you to your friend (who couldn't help but be a little disappointed). One last grin was shared before the first cadet landed near you, Mikasa being the fastest one following. The rest of the younger soldiers soon followed, forming a crowd near the very outside of the training forest.

"That was so cool!"

"Yeah, it was like you could read each other's minds or something."

Sheepishly, Nanaba scratched the back of her head. "Well, that's why we were calling out who was pulling the trigger next. It's all about communication."

You nodded in agreement. "I expect you all to do the exact same. If not, better."

An ensemble of nervous mumbles filled your ears. You knew that a lot of them would mess up, but it was all about intimidation.

"In pairs. I don't care who with, unless it's Kirschtein," you barked, earning the attention of the Cadets and immediately silencing them. "Jäger, pair up with him."

_"Are you serious?!"_

_"Oh, come on!"_

The two boys caught sight of a menacing smirk. Nanaba pressed her fingers to her forehead and sighed. For someone who took so much pride in following rules, you sure did enjoy provoking their breakage.

"Remember, soldiers. Communication is key."

As their squabbling began to rise in volume and eager cadets partnered up, you tilted your head upwards and noted how high the blazing sun hung. The day was going by so slow. And there was still no sight of your Captain.

You shook your head, quickly dispelling the thoughts before they festered again.

"Alright, who wants to go first?"

It's not like Captain Levi really noticed you were gone anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEAR ME OUT HERE. I want Levi to be happy. I do, I swear. But I'm just such a sucker for this kind of stuff. Anyway, some people have been converted to loving Nanaba too, so here! Have a little tease of Nanaba x Reader before we get back to some real good Levi x Reader! Thank you so much for the kind comments and kudos <3 You guys are great!


	12. Promise

"Hange."

The scientist nervously nibbled at her nails, unable to be pulled from her dream state.

"Section Commander Hange."

What has she done? Surely it was a great idea at the time! She hadn't meant for her two friends to end up like this! Oh, what was she to do...

"Oh for the love of... **HANGE!** "

Suddenly pulled from her deep pool of thought, Hange's shoulders jolted and her head snapped up. Her brown eyes met the cerulean blues of the Commander.

"Good afternoon, Erwin! Here to check on little ol' me?" the brunette chirped with a happy expression.

Erwin stood formally with his hands behind his back, looming over Hange who sat on a stool. The woman leant on a long, tall table in her office used for keeping questionable mixtures in one place.

"I don't know what you did, but you are going to fix it right now," commanded the blond with a very unimpressed look on his face. "Levi made a cadet cry for, I quote,  _'fucking looking at him the wrong fucking way'_."

Pressing hand to her chest, Hange gasped in mock-surprise. "What could I have possibl--?"

"Then he left mid-conversation because my eyebrows were  _'pissing him off'_."

Hange snorted.

"And just now he nearly threw a swing at Moblit."

_Oh, that's a problem._

Hange jerked to sit upright and nearly toppled over the stool. "Moblit?! Why?!"

"Offered Levi caffeine." 

"Yeah?! And what's the problem with that? Moblit makes the best coffee!"

"That's exactly it," Erwin explained, squeezing his eyes shut as if it would dispell the piling stress. "Moblit made Levi  _coffee_."

A little 'ah' and a nod left the scientist. Alright. That was a little more understandable. "But still. That doesn't warrant him assaulting my Moblit," Hange whined as she shuffled to stand from her stool. "Why do _I_  have to do it? Get Erd to talk to him! He's much more likely to deck me between the eyes in comparison..."

Grumbling incoherent sounds, the Commander pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Hange, just do it." As he started to leave the woman's office, he turned to look at her one more time. 

The woman brought her hand to her chin, stroking the smooth skin in thought. She had a pretty good idea of why he was so agitated and grumpy (apart from Levi just being 'Levi'). Alright... Surely Levi would have gone to his assistant by now? Anybody with eyes could tell just how important she was to him... But Hange wanted  _him_  to make the first move! Ugh, this was all going so wrong! She didn't even know where to begin with Levi - he barely paid any attention to her this morning. All she was trying to do was tell him that his day off had been approved, but he wouldn't even give her a second glance! Ugh!

Stomping her boot into the ground, Hange's frown deepened with a loud huff. She was going to get Levi to apologise to [f/n] whether he liked it or not. With determined strides, she made her way to Levi's office. He was going to apologise to her in the most extravagant of ways. It was going to be romantic, and beautiful, and you would have no choice but to let your dormant feelings out! God, it was so painstakingly obvious to Hange it was almost physically hurtful to see the pair of you awkwardly almost-flirt. When Hange practically had her nose against Levi's office door, she had half the mind to kick the solid slab off its hinges. But she didn't want to give Levi any more reason to physically assault her, so she instead opted for a good hefty swing of the door - uninvited, of course.

**SLAM!**

Hange swore that she saw some wood chips fly when the door was rocked with such force, it bashed against the wall.

**"Levi!"**

"Wh-- what the shit?" a dazed voice croaked.

"I thought I told you to go and-" The sight that greeted Hange's eyes would've been hilarious on any other day but given the context... " _Oh, Levi..._ "

His hair was dishevelled as he was hunched over his desk, suggesting that he had fallen asleep in the uncomfortable position. Black marks were imprinted on his face, cheekbones branded with little lines and curves. Was that... was that ink? By the gods, it had only been a day since the argument but he looked awful.

"Who the fuck..." Levi's hoarse voice was a far cry from its usual intimidating tone. He cleared his throat and sat up as he did everything he could to claw at any dignity he had left. "Who the _fuck_  said you could come in, shitty glasses?" As he sat up, he noticed that his once pristine sleeve had lines of black ink, inversely matching the writing on his papers. For fuck's sake. The only other person who knew how to get ink stains out was...

"[F/n] and you haven't made up yet?!" Hange yelled as she stomped up to Levi's desk. She locked her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes. "You are just... look at you!" Tugging at her sleeve, she leant over the desk and started rubbing it against Levi's stained cheek. "The longer you leave this, the worse it'll get."

"Fu- Get the fuck off me, you crazy woman!" Levi growled almost animalistically when he kept trying to push Hange's persistent hand away. He fucking  _knew_  he was a mess. He didn't need a stupid fucking reminder.

Once Hange had finally given up on mothering over Levi, he had been thoroughly pissed off and was now officially 24 hours away from his last fill of caffeine. Not a good mix at all. A tissue was used to wipe away at Levi's cheek and he swore a string of profanities when black smudges tainted the white bundle.

"It's none of your fucking business. Get out."

The woman took a step back to fold her arms and rest her weight on one foot. Her chin was tilted upwards so she could look down at Levi at a more condescending angle. Not that it affected him.

"Don't be so dense and apologise! It's been a whole day and it's obvious that you both hate this."

"Fuck off."

"You say that whenever you know you've lost an argument."

"I said fuck off."

The silence was allowed a minute to fester.

Grey locked onto chestnut hues.

Hange could only sigh and shake her head in reply, shoulders slumped in acceptance, but her voice had dropped to a perhaps even threatening tone.

“The both of you are just as bad as each other.”

At that moment, the scientist swore that she saw Levi snarl at her. Yeah. He fucking  _snarled_  at her. It was a good thing that Hange was pretty much immune to any intimidation from Levi.

“Forget the bet for a second, I’m going to be serious,” Hange warned. She moved her hands back to her hips as she looked up, too exasperated to maintain eye contact anymore. “You care about her. She cares about you. I don’t get it. What’s stopping you?” A hand was pressed to her forehead as she mumbled, “It’s gotten to the point where being apart is harming you both more than anything.”

Again, silence. Levi’s eyebrows furrowed as his lips were set into a concrete frown, arms folded and grey eyes hardened with a real ‘don’t fuck with me’ gloss. He maintained the glare while keeping his mouth shut. Their eyes eventually met once again in a silent argument of body language.

"She keeps looking for you. But she can't leave the cadets or Nanaba." Hange didn't miss the little twitch of Levi's nose. But still, the stubborn bastard persisted with his silence. "Just go and apologise to her, you tiny idiot. And kiss her or something, I don't know."

_"Hange."_

Oh shit, he called her by her name. The joke went too far.

"Alright, alright. But you know what I'm saying, shorty. Everyone is dying just watching you two skirt around each other all the time."

Levi turned his glance to the side, unable to keep eye contact for once. He pursed his lips and tightened his folded arms. "Whatever, I'll apologise. Just get out."

"When? Now?" Hange excitedly tilted her head with a huge grin.

"None of your business. Out." With that, Levi turned his attention back to his feather quill and nearly empty ink pot. He ran his thumb along the edge of the fringe, recalling how you had given it to him at the end of last year. 

"Deets, Levi, I need deets! Convince me!"

More obscenities were grumbled with a dusting of toxicity. Maria have mercy on Levi's patience. He knew that there was no chance of getting rid of the irritating woman without giving her some kind of fuel. The exasperated man pressed his fingertips to his thin brow and gave a deep sigh. If it meant she was going to leave him be...

"I'm going to apologise. It will  _not_  be romantic. It will be later in the evening, meaning we will be alone," Levi punctuated. "Do you understand? That's what I want to be right now.  ** _Alone_**."

A face-splitting grin erupted on Hange's lips as she pumped her fist into the air. "Great! Sounds pretty romantic to me though. Whatever, I'm content," Hange chimed as she did a little wiggle towards the door. "Later, Cassanova!" A two-fingered salute was given as she slipped through the doors, finally giving Levi his much-needed silence. 

Hange happily hummed a made-up tune as she paraded down the hallways, marching merrily to her own beat. Alright! Looks like all it took was a little prodding! The woman did a joyful little jig as she turned round a corner, but was quickly interrupted when she bumped into another friend, sounding a rattle of cutlery on metal and a little whine.

"Nngh--! Hange-! I-I can explain!" you foolishly stuttered while you desperately tried to settle your tray of tea. Hange couldn't help but notice the two teacups with a large portion of shortbread and narrowed her eyes in suspicion as she leant down to examine the tea set.

"[F/N]..." 

Your shoulders tensed and your arms locked. This was just the worst timing. All you wanted to do was have a little sit down with the Captain and talk it out like adults! Gods, of course your lunch break was a bad time to do it. But now you'd been caught directly disobeying orders from a ranked superior...

"Listen, Hange... I was just- I mean--" Your flustered visage did nothing to help your situation.

Placing her hands on her hips, Hange shook her head. Levi's 'romantic' apology would be ruined if his assistant confronted him now! They'd be in his office where anybody could interrupt and not in a secluded room over candle light, with a glass of wine and...

"Are you... are you okay?" you concernedly asked with your head tilted to the side. The woman had zoned out pretty abruptly.

"Oh! Oh yeah, I'm dandy. Now come on, give Aunty Hange that and I'll forget about this! I'll give it to him!" she babbled as she tried to pry the tray from your healing fingers.

"But--!"

"No buts!" the scientist exclaimed once she successfully took the tray with little grace. You winced as the porcelain rattled harshly against the metal. "Like I said, just..! I'll forget about it, just keep to yourself until, like, dinner? Yeah, dinner!"

Before you could even say anything the carefully brewed cups of tea and snacks had been robbed from you and taken down the hall by a bounding and slightly unhinged scientist. 

"But that's... my lunch..." you mumbled to nobody in particular. ”Hmmf. Why me?"

Down the hallway, Hange animatedly sauntered down the hallways towards Levi's office again. The familiar sound of silverware clattering against a metal tray made the Captain suddenly look up from his desk. He was practically burning a hole through the door with his eyes while his quill began to drop from his limp hand. And then came the sound of clinking porcelain. That had to be...

"Enter," he called before the sound even fully reached his door. His fingers tightened slightly as he wondered if that was too eager. No matter, as long as  _she_  was here now. As long as...

Hange. 

"For fuck's sake," the grumpy soldier cursed, choosing to ignore the omnipresent annoyance and turn back to calculating finances. "I don't want your shitty fucking tea."

Much to Levi's chagrin, the woman had unceremoniously slid the invading tray onto his desk, pushing around sheets of paperwork, little pots of pencils, and eventually causing a box of tissues to topple over his still-wet ink. Levi's head snapped up to shoot a glare at the uninvited woman, grey eyes following her as she plopped onto one of the seats. 

"Come on, Levi. You'll feel better, just drink it," Hange grinned as she took one of the teacups.

"Fuck off, that's my cup." Despite his annoyance, Levi still leant over his desk to wrap his fingers around the rim of the decorated cup, prying it from Hange's grasp. Levi's eyes narrowed at the porcelain in his hands as he thought, 'this is... this is  _my_  teacup?'.

"Oh, so you do want it?" the woman hummed happily as she decided to take the other one. The plain, communal cup. The ones you often used. Levi brought the brew to just under his chin and took a deep breath. Maria, how he loved the smell of...  _Karanese... elderflower tea..._

_His favourite leaves. Tea leaves that went perfectly with his favourite pastry, shortbread._

Hesitantly, Levi brought the rim to his lips and tilted the porcelain back as he closed his eyes, savouring the caffeine he'd been craving for so long. It was... perfect. 

"Whhatthefuch?" Hange grossly spoke as she spewed crumbs of shortbread. "I didn efen know wve had theef!" Finally, she swallowed the sweet biscuit. "They only make these in Wall Sina!"

"Is she still training the cadets?"

"Hmmffg?" Already Hange had stuffed her mouth with another biscuit. The woman hadn't had such a special treat in years, and you just had them on a platter like a common snack!

Levi pushed away from his desk and stood, fingertips still tightly holding onto the rim. Like a man possessed, he strode to leave his confined office.

"Leffvi!" Hange tried her best to move quicker than the rushing Captain, but by the time she was out the door, Levi had already turned the corner towards the training grounds. The woman gulped down the food and looked down the now empty corridor with a goofy grin. This wasn't her ideal situation, but gods, if it wasn't sweet that he could tell you had made the tea just from the taste...

He wasn't sure what he was going to do. He wasn't even really sure of where you were, and all he had to go by was where he'd seen you earlier with your friend. But still, he pressed on, striding on a set path around the HQ, to the training grounds. Levi was careful to not spill his tea that had been so preciously made as he pushed past the heavy doors that led outside. Just like earlier, the Captain had to shield his eyes with his forearms to block out the sunlight as he strode towards the sound of the cadets.

Ah, there they were. There was a crowd of them. Some relaxed on the grass or dirt, and a pair was bound to the waist, trying to pull off some bizarre warming stretches together. Springer and Braus. It looked like the cadets were on a lunch break. Levi kept his distance, preferring to stay away from the loud bundle of bodies. But then he saw you. There was a cadet standing in front of you with their back turned. You were trying to tighten their back harnesses while the other hand shakily held a freshly made cup of tea, and just the very look of you made Levi’s shoulders tense. This was a bad idea. What was he even going to say? _Was_  he going to say anything? Fuck.

Levi swore his heart tightened for a second when you noticed him. Your eyes widened when your attention was snapped from the task at hand to the Captain, who stood so idly a good distance from the other soldiers. But you were on opposite sides of the field. You had no idea what to do, so you simply did what came naturally.

You smiled, and Levi took a breathy and shallow exhale at the sight.

It was, no doubt, a nervous smile. You had no idea how the Captain felt, having skipped your duties for an entire day (with good reason, surely), and you weren’t sure if you wanted to stay put or move to awkwardly see if Levi was as pissed as you thought he was. Of course, you had no idea just how relieved he was to see you smile again – he was a master at masking his emotions after all. But you did notice the teacup in his hand and loosened your stance. He got your little peace offering at least.

“Hey, Squad Leader? Are you done?” Eren’s voice caused you to remember that you were in the middle of helping him buckle up with Jean.

You took a little sip from the cup in your right hand before your left hand expertly went back to tightening familiar straps. A little ‘sorry’ was mouthed towards the Captain who still held your glance, and he waved it off with his free hand. You were busy, and he could wait. Before you turned away, you caught him tipping his teacup towards you with softened eyes and the slightest, the very slightest of tugs playing at the corners of his lips. A wistful sigh escaped your parted lips as you gave him a more sincere smile that lit up your eyes. He wasn’t mad. You copied his gesture by tipping your own teacup in his direction, and the both of you took a drink in a silent and silly toast of reconciliation. It was no wine, and there was no moonlight or romantic solitude. But it would do. Gestures were the way you both communicated best, after all.

A talk would be needed at some point – a long one. But now wasn’t the right time. Not when you had to focus on other duties.

The thought made Levi feel another tug in his chest. Soon this would be a common occurrence. He’d have someone else to replace you, and you wouldn’t have time for him anymore. But there was no point in brooding over it now. It’d just lead to regret.

No, he’d have to keep working and press on for now, just like you were.

“Arlert.”

The blond mop of hair hurriedly turned and his stance immediately tightened with a salute. “S-sir!”

“Tell Squad Leader [f/n] to carry on as she is. But I expect her presence at twenty-one hundred hours,” the respected soldier commanded, earning an instant ‘yes sir!’ from the younger one. Straight after, he weaved across the grounds to carry out his task.

Levi took another sip as he peered at you one more time over his teacup before returning back inside. He would be okay until he'd next see you now that he's had a bit of caffeine in him. All he'd have to do is put his head down and push some papers while he let you do your thing. He dubbed it as his punishment for being such a dickhole to you.

The whole way back, he had to take a drink every time he felt a smile threatening his features.

* * *

 

Anxiety was a cold chill that was ever-present on your spine.

Honestly, you had no real reason to be anxious, but you and the Captain hadn't seen each other since he had come to see you at lunch. You suspected that he came to say his thanks in return for the tea, which eased your nerves at the time. It was comforting to know that he wasn't as angry as you thought he was because otherwise, he would've throttled you right there and then. But of course, the hours where you've both been too busy to do anything other than work have caused a little seed of nervousness to start growing in you. How could it not? He requested your presence with no real context. Obviously, it would have something to do with the day-long argument, but you couldn't help but tense at the thought of braving through a scolding.

Your last words to him must've stung, and you knew how much he actually disliked the term 'Humanity's Strongest'. It dehumanised him. _You_  dehumanised him. Over and over again, you repeated your scripted apology in your head, and every time it would change, much your frustration. Why couldn't you make up as easily as Connie and Sasha had? A tiff that lasted for barely an evening, a quick apology, and a hug. Actually, you had caught them almost, almost kissing in the hallways, but you called them out for inappropriateness. They sheepishly apologised and retreated to a more secluded place after. Not all apologies would come that easily, though. You were still trying to re-piece your means of making amends with the Captain, and it wasn't going well at all.

Little did you know that Levi was trying to do the same thing. He'd given himself hours upon hours to come up with some kind of coherent apology, yet apparently, thirty-four years of social ineptitude wasn't enough punishment. It certainly didn't help him experience wise. What the fuck was he meant to say to you?

The Captain leant his elbows against the low countertop, hunching over to grab a fistful of his own hair as he mouthed his drafted apology. Good, he was starting to memorise it better.

"Captain Levi, sir?"

Aaandit was forgotten.

"Levi, are you okay?" the concerned voice hurried away from the kitchen doors to rest a gentle hand on the soldier's shoulder.

Standing to attention, Levi moved to fix his posture but didn't push away from the touch. "[F/n]."

"Sir—Levi, were you... oh dear, Levi," you softly simpered. As best as you could, you tried to suppress the little laughs while you pulled out your breast pocket handkerchief and bottle of cleaning alcohol. "Turn your face please?"

The man didn't protest and allowed your bandaged fingertips to gently guide his jaw to look to the side, but his eyes remained trained on you. Nothing smart to say came to mind as he observed your close face, and he felt himself relax slightly into the touch with a disjointed exhale.

"What  _is_  this?" you breathily tittered as you ever so gently rubbed the fabric against the Captain's cheek. "You look a bit like me when I've just walked out of the workshop." You pulled away before Levi could say anything, and he grimaced as he noted the handkerchief that had little blemishes of black. There you go again, looking after him even though the pair of you had hardly hashed out the argument.

"Ink. It's ink," the man sheepishly confessed.

"You've been walking around with that on your face all day," you teased, shaking your head as you slipped your uniform jacket from your shoulders and rolled up your sleeves, ready to make fresh cups of tea. "Anyway, how long have you been here for? I went to your office first - I thought that was what you meant when Armin told me you wanted to see me. Sorry if I misunderstood, sir."

Levi tutted. "You didn't. I was just going to bring some for us," he explained as he flicked his nails against the laid out tea set on the counter top, making a little 'ding' sound.

You tilted your head to the side with raised eyebrows. "Wow, it's been awhile since I've had someone else make it for me," you mumbled. "Don't worry about it though, I'll look after it. You finished your work for today then?" you asked as you moved expertly around the large kitchen, pulling out utensils that Levi had forgotten to take. The man only offered a little hum and shook his head. So he was behind on his work, just because he wanted to talk to you. You bit your lip and selfishly enjoyed being his momentary priority while you rested the back of your fingers on the side of the kettle, checking its temperature. Lukewarm. "Uh... Levi? You didn't answer my question. How long have you been here for? The water's nearly gone cold..."

Turning your head to the side to look at the Captain properly, you noted how his eyebrows were furrowed and his lips were pursed tightly into a rough frown. The hands that worked on wiping down the cups worked more vigorously as if he was trying to focus on something else.

"Capta--?"

"Half a fucking hour." Levi shut his eyes and gritted his teeth in an attempt to stomp down the rising embarrassment. "I thought I could make it before you came but I couldn't find shit in this shitty kitchen."

When he heard nothing from the woman beside him, he slowly turned his eyes to look at you and wasn't sure how to feel when you were pressing your smiling lips together. He cocked an eyebrow at you.

The Captain had left out a lot of things when preparing to make the hot brews - you noticed it when you walked into the kitchen. On top of that, he couldn't find the most basic of things, and the boiled water had gone cold as he was getting more agitated. If you could guess one thing...

"When was the last time you made a cup of tea for yourself?" you playfully asked with a grin tugging at one side of your mouth. Levi seemed to just ignore your question and quickly went back to cleaning the same cup again, scowl almost forced as he purposely tried to disregard the query. 

You decided to leave it as it was, having roused the Captain enough for one evening. You didn't want to overstep any boundaries now, especially when  _'the talk'_  hadn't happened yet. So instead, you went about your business, making the perfect cup of tea like clockwork. A soothing tune was being hummed as you delicately spooned away the layer of scum that was inevitable with military tap water, but was soon interrupted by the Captain, bewildered in tone.

“You do all this—for _me_?” he asked, perplexed by all the little lengths you went through just for a tiny cup of tea. The expensive looking tins, the perfect temperatures, the attentive ticks to his keenness on hygiene… just for such an everyday thing that he had you do multiple times a day for years. Not once did he notice. How long did it take you to perfect this to an art?

“Mmhm,” you hummed while you dabbed at the steam that had condensed on the teapot. “Of course, now sit down. My candle holder is on a table already, and I’ll take this.”

Before long, the two of you were seated across from each other. It seemed that some kind of ritual had been established now. The two of you would come to the mess hall long after curfew for regular soldiers and enjoy each other’s company. Decaf herbal tea, candlelight, and camaraderie.

But as the warming steam traced over your cheeks once again, you couldn’t help but notice how noticeable the silence was. Not comfortable, like it usually was. You had to break it somehow.

“Listen—“

“So—“

_Oh, for goodness sakes, you two._

“I just wanted to—“

“I need to—“

This whole apologising thing was going swimmingly, huh?

Levi grunted in annoyance and with a clenched jaw, tried to speak for the third time.

“Shut up for a second,” he commanded as he ran his fingers through his hair. His brows were knitted together with worry. “I was being an ass. I shouldn’t have shit all over your interview like that.” His silver eyes were intent on keeping locked with yours, careful to study every muscle for any hint of approval. Your eyes were so colourful when lit with the orange glow of candle light. “I never meant to belittle you the way I did, just know that I have full faith in your leadership. So I’m sorry.”

Your expression was full of awe. The eye contact was so intense; it felt like staring straight into the eyes of a wild beast. Really, your lack of a response made Levi nervous. You just stared at him with your stupidly gorgeous eyes and parted lips that were so painfully familiar to him.

“Say something.”

“H-huh? Like what?” you stammered, blinking furiously as you struggled to come up with something.

“I don’t care, just fucking say something.”

“Well—I—” you stumbled over your words before you decided to close your eyes and take a deep breath. Recollect yourself, and start over, exhale. Once again, you opened your eyes to meet the ever-intense shades of metal. You made an effort to unwind your shoulders and relax. “I’m sorry too. I’m sorry for what I said. I can’t help but feel I overreacted.” Offering an apologetic smile, you decided to turn your eyes to the candle that stood between the two of you and pushed the holder around mindlessly. Levi’s eyes followed your hand movements. “This apology was a lot more profound in my head, you know.”

The soldier released a breath of a sneer.

“You and me both.”

You couldn’t help but smile – genuinely this time. This is how it was meant to be between the two of you.

Still, you pushed the brass-plated candle holder around the table top. “Tomorrow the test resits are happening, you know. I-if you’re not too busy, it might be nice before we go out to town the day after?”

With eyes still cast down, Levi asked lowly, “Private Nanaba not doing it with you?”

A little sigh left you. You hadn’t asked her just in case the pair of you made up before then. You really did want to spend these remaining days as an assistant with your Captain.

“No, no. You're much better at keeping the cadets in line," you explained with a little grin. "I dunno if you saw, but Connie and Sasha have been all over each other since yesterday. Apparently one little fight was all it took for the boy to grow a pair and confess or whatever." A little sneer of amusement found its way on your lips as you remembered the day. It was sweet, of course. But it was mid-training, and you were professionally obliged to tell them off. Didn't mean they couldn't be cute in their own time though. 

Levi scrunched his face and grunted with disgust. PDA. Ew. Levi wasn't against the notion of being in a relationship, but it did put him off when he saw couples bordering on inappropriate in public. You laughed quietly at the little noise of disdain he made. 

"I know, I know," you said with little traces of amusement in your voice. "They went from make up to makeout in like half a day. Teenagers will be teenagers, I suppose."

"Tch. Have you ever thought about how fucking unsanitary kissing is?" Levi hissed. 

You bit the inside of your lip to try and suppress a laugh. Of course, Levi would find a way to turn something romantic into something about cleanliness.

"Oh, _all_ the time," you sarcastically remarked. "Cause in the throws of passion, I really like to think of bacteria and stuff."

The soldier rolled his eyes playfully. 

"Nah, but for real, who decided that we kiss with our mouths anyway?" you grumbled, having thought about this a lot in the past. 

A thin eyebrow was raised at your query. "Explain."

You took a moment to think about your next few words and gave a low hum as you contemplated and stopped pushing around the metal candle holder.

"Like what if people kissed with their pinkie fingers? Wouldn't that be cute," you smiled as you poked out your pinkie finger. "And hygienic!"

"...Pinkie fingers?" Levi narrowed his eyes at your little bandaged appendage and ticked his eyes over to look at his own. 

"Yeah, like this-"

The soldier's skin couldn't help but tingle a little when he felt your smaller finger coil around his, locking to make a little chain. His breathing grew shallow for a few seconds, especially when you made no other move, no other sound. He knew you weren't stupid or massively dense. You were fully aware of what you were doing, what you were subtly implying. 

So he tightened the tiny link of fingers wordlessly.

The pair of you sat like that for awhile. The only real movement was the fire between you, and even then the minuscule flame was tame and slow, almost as if it could read the serene atmosphere. It was just the two of you, peacefully sat across from each other, your bandaged finger in his scarred one. 

Eye contact was hard to make after that. You could talk just fine, as the night would prove. The pair of you chatted about more light hearted topics as the moon climbed higher, but never did your eyes meet his. Sometimes one of you would look up to fleetingly catch a glance, but it would always just quickly snap back down to the link that connected you. Never making a move to pull away.

Even when you poked fun at him as he confessed that he had, in fact, not made himself a cup of tea in years, his hold on your finger would only playfully tighten. Sometimes you would tug on his pinkie finger when he grumbled about the struggle he went through without the caffeinated beverage, and you, in turn, told him about how awful it was to try and discipline the more challenging cadets without him. 

Even as the sleepiness set in, and the tea set was cleared, your eyes never caught the others. Even after your fingers unlinked after what felt like hours. Even after you had left the mess hall, candle in hand as you escorted each other back to your quarters. 

Both officers walked shoulder to shoulder. Sometimes your fingers would graze against each other by accident, other times a little finger would poke out to playfully prod at the other hand. 

The walk back was filled with little whispers, jabs of usual playful conversation until the pair of you slowed to your door. 

And then your eyes met.

Curiously, Levi hadn't walked on to his door and had stopped in front of yours. He was standing rather close. Close enough that you could feel wisps of his breath on your cheek. 

He was entranced by your expression. Your eyes were as Seraph as ever, and the smallest suggestions of a smile teased the corners of your awfully inviting lips. And by the gods, you looked stunning. 

Slowly, Levi raised his hand to tuck away a stray strand of hair. You were certain that he was purposeful to do it with his pinkie finger. It so softly swept across your forehead. Too quickly, Levi sensibly took a small step back. 

"Goodnight, [f/n]."

You lowered your head only slightly as you gave him a coy smile that drove Levi internally insane. 

"Sleep well, Levi."

For one last time, Levi's hand reached for yours. The very tips of his fingers ghosted along your knuckles before coming to a stop at your littlest finger. You slightly tugged it out, and your fingertip traced along his own. For a moment you swore that you saw the most handsome of smiles as he looked down at your hands. 

The soldier retracted his hand with no real rush and eventually moved to his own door. Keys rang in unison as you both moved to retreat for the night, but not before one very last glance was exchanged. 

As both doors clicked closed, the pair of you simultaneously leant backwards on the large wooden bodies and sighed wistfully, eyes closed and minds on each other for the rest of the night.

There might not have been any wine, but there was comforting solitude and candlelight. And it was most certainly romantic. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EeEEEEEE okay this is just. This is over 5k words and is the longest and most difficult thing I've ever written. I feel like my eyes are gonna die but it was so worth it. Thank you so so much for reading and for all of the comments and kudos!!! See you next chapter!!!  
> I was actually so desperate to finish today that I ended up writing the last quarter of this on my phone in bed. I'll fix any mistakes in the morning, I'm just too excited to get this out to y'all!!!!!! <3


	13. Starved

 "Alright, cadets! Pencils down!"

Turning to look at the soldier that stood strongly at your side, your fingertips tingled with a strange, light sensation. The pair of you hadn't addressed anything about what happened last night yet, and to be honest, you were totally alright with leaving it that way. It seemed like one of those things that didn't really need discussing - you both knew the implications behind it, and if silent, mutual understanding was how the pair of you would deal with it, then so be it.

"First row, papers on the desk. The second row follow," Levi sharply instructed. His chin was tilted upwards and his posture was perfect. Intimidating as always. "Just because you little shits got out of training for this doesn't mean you're completely dismissed. I expect every single one of you to report back to Ness."

The soldier's harsh words were met with no resistance as the cadets filed out, only speaking with gusto once they stepped through the threshold. 

"Arlert," you called as the small blond hobbled past. 

Immediately, Armin was struck to attention and gave you a salute as he fumbled with his words. "S-squad Leader!"

Levi observed the scene in front of him silently. You had a way of gaining respect without the need to manipulate fear or threat. It was one of his favourite things about you.

"At ease, cadet. You are aware that you had a near-perfect score last time, correct?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"And yet you still returned for the re-sit."

"Yes, ma'am."

"You're not just trying to get out of stamina training?"

"N-no! No, of course not! I thought-- you said it yourself, it was near-perfect. Meaning there was a chance to do better," the boy explained, his baby blues spilling with conviction.

For a few seconds, your eyes bore into his as you searched for any hint of a lie. Not that you were expecting to find any. 

Once satisfied, you closed your eyes with a slow nod.  

"Dismissed, Arlert," you said with a gentle smile to punctuate your words. "Have a good rest of the day."

An equally as sweet smile was returned as Armin bobbed his head. "You too, Squad Leader, and you, Captain!"

The man grunted in response. 

As the young cadet was the last to leave, you were free to turn and face your Captain with your shoulders heightened, lifted with glee to match your grinning face. And god, did Levi think you looked cute as fuck. 

"We're done!" you laughed, nearly hopping from all of the excess relief and joy in your system. "Levi, we're done!"

Rolling his eyes, Levi felt a little tug at the corner of his lips, threatening to turn into a full-on smile to mirror your sweet simper. 

"Fucking dork."

Playfully, you slapped your hand against his arm as you sported and almost-frown. "Says the one who scored in the nineties for this test."

A thin eyebrow was quirked upwards with amusement. "Cause it was easy as piss."

"Captain Levi!" you scolded, your jaw hanging open as you played the role of being offended. "Need I remind you of Oluo's first expedition? I saved his life with my 'easy as piss' mechanics, you know."

The Captain scoffed, but you swore you could see his lips tug into a barely noticeable smile. 

"Yeah, but it didn't stop him from  _'pissing'_  himself," Levi grumbled, evoking an awful snort from you, making you slap your hand against your mouth and nose to cover them. "Hm. Real attractive, [f/n]."

You could feel your cheeks heating up. God, you never snorted when you laughed! Why did it have to happen then!

"Whatever, it's not my fault your potty humour gets to me," you mumbled against your palm. You could feel your smile on your hand as you spoke.

As he crossed his arms, Levi looked away in an attempt to look as disinterested as possible. "Whatever," he murmured as he started to lead out of the classroom. "Reflects on your shitty humour." Levi briskly slipped the papers off the desk as he walked past and held the papers in his hand.

"H-hey! I can hold those," you called as you started to follow your companion. You huffed when he said nothing and simply kept walking. He was so stubborn. "Anyway, I'm telling you, Oluo would've been stranded there if I didn't fix his wire reels on-site like I did!" Tilting your head upwards, your chin was held high as you bragged about one of your favourite accomplishments. It was just too bad that the elite soldier had so unceremoniously wet himself after his wires wouldn't retract and were jammed - you had to hang in suspension next to him, only eleven metres above ground, where you and the boy were easy pickings for Titans in the Forest of Giant Trees. A tiny hum left your gently smiling lips, catching the attention of the Captain beside you. He hummed back in a questioning tone, and you couldn't help but laugh a little at how few words were needed between you and Levi sometimes.

"I couldn't have done it without you," you softly declared, not turning to look at Levi. You knew he was more comfortable with receiving praise without any eye contact.

Had Levi not been there to fearlessly fend off the giant monstrosities as you furiously repaired the malfunctioned gear, you and Oluo would have been long gone.

The pair of you continued to walk closely, shoulders barely touching, knuckles inches apart. 

"I know."

Levi turned his head slightly to look outside the windows that lined the walls of the hallway, feeling the slots of sunlight on his skin and hearing the peaceful echo of your footsteps and his.

"He wouldn't have survived without you."

A little startled, your head jerked towards his with doe-like eyes and slightly parted lips. The sight of his relaxed expression and the far-off look in his eyes made your shoulders unwind in the loveliest of ways.

Smugly, your slight grin persisted. "I know."

Your mocking remark evoked a scoff, and Maria, you loved,  _absolutely cherished_  the way one corner of his mouth was curled upwards, and you felt his fingers gently brush against yours as he slightly moved his hand outwards far too purposely. You could feel your own helpless smile playing on your lips while you began to move your own digits - though suddenly his eyebrows were drawn together, and his half-smirk disappeared all too quickly, immediately replaced with a familiar frown and narrowed eyes.

"Motherfucker," Levi growled as he stopped walking. You halted in response and turned to where he was looking, outside of a window. It was difficult to see... but...

"Those little shits!" you screeched as you caught sight of not one, not two, and  _for fuck's sake_ , not even three cadets, but  _five_  of them just fucking around. Hastily, you heaved the sliding window to the side and lifted yourself up to properly lean on the tall windowsill, your tiptoes missing the ground by a good three inches.  **"EREN, JEAN, CONNIE, SASHA, YMIR!"** you boomed at the very top of your infuriated lungs. Immediately, the juvenile cadets stumbled from their resting places, scrambling with shock.

"Oi! Fucking watch out!" Levi yelled as you started to incline forwards a little too far for his own liking. You were only on the ground floor, but it didn't stop him from jolting to grab you by the waist and steady your slipping body. The test papers were forgotten as leaves of parchment were scattered across the ground, fluttering and settling around the pair of you. However, as you felt Levi's fingers dig protectively into your shirt, you only took this as a  _'fuck yeah, support so I can lean forward more and shout louder!'._

**"GET YOUR GODDAMN SORRY ASSES TO NESS _RIGHT  NOW_ BEFORE I SEVER THEM FROM YOUR BODIES AND HAND THEM TO HIM MY- _FUCKING_ -SELF."**

To be honest, you were furious, you were raging _– fuming_ at the fact that these cadets were breaking rules - rules that Levi had specifically outlined not ten minutes ago. And  _nobody_  broke rules under your nose.

"You're going to fucking fall, you idiot!" Levi hissed as he had to stop himself from clutching on any tighter, for fear of hurting you.

"Just- just a second more—" you fumbled as you wiggled forward further and -  _oh god_ , please don't shimmy while your ass is against his— **"I'M GOING TO FUCKING CHECK MYSELF, YOU HEAR ME? IF I FIND OUT THAT YOU SKIPPED OUT ON TRAINING, YOU'LL WISH THAT THE TITANS HAD FOUND YOU BEFORE I DID!"**

And with that, Sasha's ponytail disappearing behind a tree was the last you saw of the cadets as they clambered away.

For a good few seconds, you only had the energy to heavily gasp the air back into your lungs, having emptied your raw wrath onto the now-gone cadets. Your shoulders rose and fell with exertion before you began to shuffle backwards. "Hokay, I'm good," you breathed hoarsely while you continued to squirm. "Levi you can put me down no-oOOW!"

Suddenly, your forehead met grass as the body that held you so securely abruptly let go, causing you to slip forward and out of the window and not-so-gracefully smoosh your cheek against the ground. Just as you were about to ask what the heck he let you go for, you turned to see your Captain through the windows, vehemently storming off with his head turned to the ground and with one of his palms pressed against his cheek. You called for him as you leant back into the building through the window, but he had already (very awkwardly, mind you) shuffled around a corner. 

Huh.Weird.

You carefully hopped back up the windowsill and swung one leg over the ledge.

"[F/N]?" 

Oh, god, not now.  _Please_ not now.

"[F/N], what in the world are you doing?" Erwin asked, making you turn your head back to look at the Commander who stood outside, as you still straddled the windowsill. "I mean, I admire your dedication to efficiency in shortcuts but..."

Almost painfully, you pounded your fist onto your chest as you sat in the awfully awkward position, both physically and situationally.

“Commander Erwin, sir! I fell through the window while scolding some cadets, sir!” you barked as your salute held firm, but the warmth on your cheeks tingled far too much for you to keep your composure.

The tall blond blinked, still perplexed and confused as the strange situation settled in. He looked behind him and mumbled something you couldn’t quite decipher, then turned back to you. Seconds dragged out as your cramped salute persisted and Erwin concluded no real answer.

Finally, he gave you a nod with upturned (but magnificent) eyebrows.

“As you were, Squad Leader.”

Erwin didn’t look back as he walked away, and you sulkily swung your leg over, careful not to tread on any fallen test papers.

You supposed you'd just have to see the Captain after you dealt with the papers.

 

* * *

 

"And man, Squad Leader, you should've seen her. Her face was bright red, but she still had the biggest smile on her face - she looked crazy cute!" Connie rambled excitedly. 

"I bet she did," you chimed with a smile on your face. "Stop moving if you don't want me to cut your ear off."

"O-oh, sorry."

Finally, the boy sat still, but you knew it wouldn't be long before he would start hyperactively buzzing again.

Carefully, you slid the straight razor along the boy's hair and the short strands fluttered onto the makeshift barber's cloth (which was just a Scouting Legion cape turned inside out). The boys had caught wind that you were usually the one to trim the Captain's hair and had sheepishly asked you to help them out with their little predicament. You wondered how these boys got by without anyone to help them so far and tutted at the thought of them dangerously trying to snip away at their own close cuts. So here you were, stood in the male cadets' barracks with a few other soldiers waiting their turn.

"Don't take a shower after this," you commanded as you finished up your expertly neat job.

"Eh? Why not?"

"Because I'm sending you to scoop up shit in the stables for trying to skip out on training."

As Connie defeatedly whined, you heard a chorus of giggles and chortles coming from the other male cadets who sat around you.

"That's what you get, shorty," snickered Jean, who was lying lazily on his top bunk with his hands tucked under his neck.

"Don't think you've gotten away with it either, Kirschtein," you warned him with a razor sharp glare. He grumbled something to himself in a jumble of profanities. "Do  _not_  talk back to me, young man. Now get down, it's your turn."

As the tall boy clambered down with a pout and a grimace, you handed Connie a little mirror to admire your handiwork. You saw his grin in the reflection and nodded your head as you took the cape off his shoulders and shook it off.

"Sweet! I'm lookin' good," Connie commented as he ran his hand through the short strands. "Thanks, [F/N]!"

"Not a problem. Now out." You tapped him on the shoulder twice before pointing towards the door. "Find something to cover your face - it was warm today so the horse shit probably smells awful."

Dejectedly, he stood from the chair and gave a heaving sigh. "Yes ma'am."

You lightly punched him on the shoulder. "Come back quick enough, and I'll give you some girlfriend advice about Sasha."

Ah, that seemed to lift his spirits.

The boy gave a salute (over the right side of his chest, but you didn't have the heart to correct him) and a wink amidst all of the wolf whistles in the room. As he said his last thanks, Jean plopped himself down onto the seat in front of you.

You attentively draped the green cloth over Jean's shoulders and combed the knots out of his hair.

"Just the undercut, yes?" you checked as you mentally planned out your future snips.

"Yeah, please - and a trim around my ears? It's annoying how much it tickles sometimes..."

"Why don't you just shave all of it except a strip down the middle? Then you'd really look like a horse," Eren snickered from his seated position. You squeezed Jean's shoulder when you saw his jaw clench. 

"Oh yeah? Well at least I dont--"

_"Boys."_

Your authoritative tone quickly shut the both of them up, with only the occasional snipping of scissors and the low zip of a straight razor to fill the quiet. 

But of course, the peaceful silence wouldn't let up for long.

"So," Jean started. Oh god, here it comes. "'Girlfriend' advice? Got some experience there, huh?" he joked, earning a short laugh of approval from Eren and another voice, a deeper and more melodious chuckle.

"Mike, sir, what are you even doing here?"

"What, an officer can't just hang out with his ex-squad member? And stop trying to change the subject, [f/n]." God, you could _hear_  the smirk in his voice.

You rolled your eyes at your former Squad Leader, who was currently resting on Armin’s bed. "Sir, if you wanted a haircut, you could have just asked."

"You're one of the few around here that _actually knows_  how to do a decent undercut job, so..." Mike proclaimed, stroking your ego a little.  _Fuck yeah,_  you're good at undercuts.

"Hey, I get that he's my superior, but I'm going next, right?"

"Wait! She got us to change the subject!" yelled the one who sat in front of you.

"I wasn't trying to--  _ugh_!" you grunted with a particularly aggressive snip. "You would do better than to provoke the one with a razor so close to you, Jean."

"Yeah, well I wouldn't keep poking fun if you just told us what was up with the 'girlfriend advice' thing!" the cadet shouted between little crackles of laughter, making you hold his head still.

"I don't know what you were all expecting, of course I've been in relationships. I'm in my mid-twenties, for Maria's sake," you grumbled with little amusement. 

Eren suddenly perked his head up, and Mike sat up on the bed he invaded.

"Wait, within the military?" Eren blurted out.

"With who?!" Mike yelled.

" **Tell me how to get with Mikasa,** " Jean pleaded.

 

_Siiiiiggghhhhhhh._

 

"Yes, I've had them during service. They were with some cadet during training,  _kind-of_  with Lynne, and another veteran, and no, I will not tell you how to 'get with' Mikasa."

" _Lynne?!_  My  _assistant_?" Mike's eyebrows were raised terribly high and you couldn't help but feel a little blush at your cheeks. She was your fellow squad member when you were working at the spear-front of the scouting formation - she was serious at times but _damn_ , could she kiss.

_'Yeah, and your second-in-command, too.'_

The veteran pressed his knuckles against his lips as he grumbled words about having 'no idea' it was happening right under his very proficient nose.

"Woah, woah, woah - so... you're like... a lesbian...?" Jean quietly asked, whispering the last word as if it was a taboo language.

You couldn't help but facepalm, feeling the warm wooden handle of the straight razor on your forehead.

"Bisexuals exist, Jean."

"Forget that," Eren grumbled, eyebrows furrowing as he held his chin, seemingly deep in thought. "I never would've thought you'd be in a relationship during service... you just seem like you've got a stick up your..."

You whipped your head towards the Shinganshinan. "Up my what, Jäger?" Your tone sent visible chills up his spine, making you happily turn back to your task at hand with a little  _'humph'_. 

All this time, you could feel Mike glaring a hole into the side of your head.

"Who was the other veteran?" he queried, making you shift uncomfortably. He was sure, Mike was absolutely positive that it was Nanaba! That or...

Suddenly, Jean gasped, almost causing you to shave half of his earlobe off. "Is it the Captain?! I knew it!”

Eren, all of a sudden rejuvenated, leapt to his feet in a surge of energy. "No way! That just makes  _too_  much sense!"

Oh no. Mike could  _feel_  his seventy marks slipping through his fingers. It wasn't true, was it?

"No!" you yelled, feeling the tension locking in your shoulders as your eyebrows knitted together. "I don't-- I mean, that's just so inappropriate a-and silly... and... stuff..."

Yeah. Yup _. Totally_  doing a great job of concealing your long-term feelings for the Captain.

Mike audibly gulped as he pursed his lips into a thin, worried line. Maybe... maybe you just really admired him! A lot! Platonically!

"Sure, I spend a lot of time with him and I know him pretty well but I have to, you know? I mean, not that I only do it out of duty but," you were rambling. Oh dear, you were rambling. "I'm just saying, of course you'd start really getting to know someone if you spend every day with them." As you spoke, you restlessly waved the scissors about in the air, failing terribly at looking as nonchalant as possible. "Haven't you boys heard of the mere-exposure effect? I mean, it's just logical!" you babbled, finishing with an awkward, dwindling little laugh.

...

You didn't just admire him platonically.

That was probably the most Eren and Jean had ever heard you speak about anything other than military-related work.

The room fell silent.

_What have you done?_

Jean was the first to open his mouth.

"So... the 'mere-exposure effect', as in that psychological thing where the more time you spend with someone..." Your eyes widened as you knew what he was going to say. You backed yourself into a corner here, and you knew it. "The more you end up feeling things for them?"

A little exhale left your lips. In your attempts at invalidating your feelings for the Captain, marking it as just another product of social psychology, you ended up only confirming them. 

"Well... I suppose that's one way you could put it, Jean." Your voice was terribly quiet.

The oldest veteran in the room stood up with a little heave, catching your attention. "Well, I suppose I should get going," he stated light-heartedly, ruffling the back of his head as he began to leave the barracks. 

"Sir?"

Still faced away, you could only see the tall man standing at the threshold.

"I've gotta go find Hange. Owe her some money or something."

You blinked and tilted your head to the side. The two boys said their goodbyes, but by the time your brain caught up for you to say yours, the door had already shut.

“So…” Jean mischievously started. “What’s the Captain like in the sack, huh?”

**“Jean!”**

* * *

 

After you finished with the trouble making cadets, you briskly went to check on your Captain. You had only just managed to see him after the test for his scheduled fill of tea, but he seemed a little more irritable than usual at that moment. Levi was snappier; he was twitchier and awfully high-strung. He didn’t even look at you in the eyes much – simply drank his tea with eyes on some finance reports the entire time. You didn’t bother to point anything out until he spoke first.

“Sorry.”

You looked up from the amber coloured brew in your hands to see Levi looking down at his own teacup. The warm tone reflected the orange hues coming from the sky beautifully, almost distracting you from the Captain’s abrupt apology. Figuring that he was atoning for dropping you earlier, you simply shook your head and shifted in your comfortable seat.

“You’re not the one who went a little over the top with catching out some cadets.” Carefully, you took a little sip of the comforting brew. It was a little too hot, but that was just how the Captain liked it – you didn’t complain. “If anything, I should be apologising for being so uninhibited.”

Grey eyes flickered up to you, and you quickly gave him a little smile as if to reinforce your statement. He couldn’t hold your gaze for long after that. You let out quiet breaths of laughter, causing little ripples to form on the surface of your drink. He could be so awkward sometimes.

“Our horses for tomorrow?” His voice was low. It was as if he were trying to not disturb the calm atmosphere. This was one of the few moments of the day he actually enjoyed.

“Taken care of, Captain.”

“Levi.”

“Levi – sorry, half a decade of habit and all,” you laughed softly. The Captain only sighed through his nose with closed eyes.

You quite liked how adamant he was about you calling him by his given name – as if he was trying to create some kind of equal ground between the pair of you.

“Got Kirschtein to prepare them as punishment,” you said with a glint of roguery in your eyes as your lips curled upwards slightly. “Managed to give all of them some kind of discipline when I was in the boy’s barracks earlier.”

A thin eyebrow twitched upwards in intrigue.

“– They asked me to help them cut their hair.” You rolled your eyes with an affectionate smile.

Levi suddenly felt conscious about his own cut and looked up slightly, noticing the black strands that obscured his view. With a short grunt, Levi pinched a few of his tresses that fell over his forehead and pulled them downwards, noticing how some of them barely touched the tip of his nose. His half-lidded silver eyes ticked to find your line of sight, which quickly met your eyes. The gaze was wordlessly held as if his expression was saying, 'hey, I want a haircut too'.

As you released a sigh, an endearing smile arose on your lips and you hastily gulped down the rest of the tea (it burned a little – just a little – but you didn’t mind). As you stood you moved your finance calculations from your lap to Levi’s desk in a neat stack, and carefully settled the teacup onto the tray. The ache in your legs reminded you of just how long you had spent helping the Captain out for the remainder of the afternoon, seeping into the evening.

“I’ve got the stuff already out in my quarters,” you declared as you gave a textbook salute. “I’ll be back by the time you finish your cup!”

The neatly kept grooming kit was exactly where you left it. You made sure all of the utensils had been cleaned properly, and the cape you used for this exact purpose had been brushed down properly. Just as promised, you had returned to the Captain’s office just as he settled the porcelain cup onto silver, and you left him to organise himself as you cleaned up the afternoon snack that you and the Captain shared. You, of course, knew to visit his room first – he liked how easy it was to clean after haircuts, and you wouldn’t be disturbed in there either.

You tapped on the solid door with your knuckles.

“[f/n]?”

“Yes sir,” you confirmed, shifting your shoulder slightly so that the small case of equipment stopped slipping under your arm.

“Well? Come in,” the soldier commanded, to which you complied. He held his hand out as he sat when he saw you struggle with the door while keeping hold of both the box and the cape. Leaning slightly to lift some of your troubles, Levi took the case.

Sheepishly, you grinned and scratched your temple. “Thanks, Levi.”

You pulled out the well-kept equipment and set them onto the table as Levi draped the overturned cape over his shoulders, making sure to arrange it so that nothing would fall on his pristine button down. The Captain shifted in the wooden seat and stared at the rectangular mirror that sat on his desk in front of him. He didn’t dare look for your eyes in the mirror. Instead, he concentrated on keeping up the grimace on his face.

“I’m pretty excited for tomorrow,” you started as your hands found Levi’s onyx strands, which he had already dampened so you could cut it easier. “It’s your first day off in like… what? Nine months? Ten?”

_Soft. So soft._

Levi’s eyes kept flickering back and forth between your reflection and his.

“Much less time than _your_ last day off, for sure.”

There were never any tangles in his hair. You only really did this because you liked how the strands of silk felt on the tips of your digits. He liked it too – he could try and hide it all he wanted behind his thin frown, but the way his head would tilt ever so slightly into your touch as his eyelids softly closed was as good of an indicator as any…

Captain Levi, Humanity’s Strongest soldier of the Scouting Legion _fucking loved_ having his hair played with.

"I don't know, I always feel so restless when I'm on leave - like I'm not getting anything done," you explained as you focused on combing your fingers through the strands of charcoal.

And goodness, if you thought he couldn’t look more relaxed -- when it came to the shortest part of his cut…

"Give it a... fucking rest some... sometimes..."

You raked your nails softly over the fuzz of his undercut, and you didn’t miss how his lips parted to make way for the slightest sigh. His head tilted forwards by a fraction of an inch, like an involuntary reaction that he was beginning to give into as the day’s tensions unwound with just the tips of your fingers.

God, what were you even doing? You didn’t have to check for knots at his undercut!

Hastily, you retracted your wandering hands and picked up the trimmers. Levi nearly felt disappointed at the absence.

As you began trimming away, your eyebrows were winding to the centre with concentration. "You know what I'm like." Snip snip. "I get anxious when I don't have work to do."

Levi grunted. It was a short and deep one, signalling a lack of amusement. In reality he was having a hard time forming a coherent response. The way your touch would ghost over the back of his neck when they weren't in his hair seemed to sap all of the conversation out of him. 

"I feel like days off are just wasted on me anyway."

This caught his attention.

"So tomorrow is a waste?"

"No, no. I've actually got a lot of errands to run in town," you declared while you ran your fingers along the long part of his hair at the back, raking up the lengthier strands to separate them from the shorter part. "Although I don't mind if you need my assistance - my tasks won't take the whole day up."

A particularly deep exhale made its way out of Levi's mouth as his eyes fluttered shut again. Your movements were far too unwinding.

"After your errands, perhaps," he croaked, tone low with mellowness. 

"Not a problem, Captain."

"...Levi..." he lazily corrected you, dragging out the syllables of his name as a testament to how drowsy this all made him feel.

"Levi," you repeated with a coquettish smile on your face.

Your eyes softened when you briefly looked into the mirror. Levi's shoulders had dropped, and his legs were haphazardly splayed in front of him. His eyes were closed and worry lines were non-existent. As your eyes traced the Captain’s reflection, you caught sight of a little bit of white poking from underneath the green cape, and carefully went to tuck the thick cloth in to cover his shirt properly. 

However when your knuckles grazed against his jawline, Levi inhaled sharply and suddenly shifted upwards. Though it only took a soft apology and a few more seconds of running your thumb along his undercut for him to unwind his posture again.

It was when you combed your fingers upwards through the longer strands that Levi faintly tilted his head back. You could have sworn a low groan had let loose between his lips, but a mild (and somewhat forced) coughing fit from the man quickly followed.

“So,” he ineptly started, eyes shifting to the side. “What are you doing tomorrow anyway?”

You shook your head.

Levi’s small talk was just so… endearingly awkward.

Nevertheless, you were happy to fill the silence if that’s what the Captain wanted.

“A few things, actually.” Levi’s eyes fluttered up quickly to catch you tucking a few strands of your hair behind your ear but quickly looked away again. Little, fleeting glances were all he could muster while you touched him so intimately (intimate for him, anyway). “I have a package from Karanese to pick up, and a long shopping list _and_ Erd asked me to hand a letter to his fiancée.”

The man rolled his eyes at his overly-soft squad member. “He just sent one five days ago.”

Lightly, you slapped Levi on the shoulder as you allowed a smile to play at your lips. “Leave him be, Levi! I think it’s cute how mushy he gets over her – they’re so sweet,” you wistfully declared. You weren’t one to dote on romance all too much, but _damn,_ if you didn’t love a little bit of fluff in your life.

A little grunt accompanied Levi’s grimace. “You like that kind of stuff, huh.”

You laughed airily under your breath. “Well, I can’t deny that I think it’s pretty charming to see how in love they are,” you explained as you tapped a finger on your chin. “Public displays… not so much. Hugs and stuff are fair game. But making out? Now that’s a private sport if you ask me.”

“Hah. I both respect and agree with that statement.”

Grinning toothily, you couldn't help but wonder what the Captain was like on a more intimate level - not that you hadn't already daydreamed about it in the past. You couldn't really see him as a physically affectionate person, but it didn't stop you from picturing how lovely a slow morning would be with the Captain. Quiet cuddles in the sunrise's light sounded wonderful.

No, no. Not now. 

You shook your head as if to shake away the distracting thoughts. 

"Anyway, aside from that I'll be at the market square -- close your eyes, please. I'm going to work on your bangs. Anyway, what are you going for?"

As he shut his eyes to your request, Levi's nose twitched slightly. He requested the day off with the intention of spending it with you, but he wasn't going to impose on your errands. Honestly, he hadn't planned anything but he was quick to think.

"I'll be... at the marketplace too," he declared, pursing his lips into a frown when he felt a bit of his snipped hair tickle his cheek. Your soft fingertips quickly brushed them away. "We might as well do that together, so we may leave together as well."

Humming with approval, your touch ghosted over Levi's cheekbones once again. It took him an embarrassing amount of effort to stop himself from moving into your warmth.

"Understood. I'll probably be done by noon," you explained as you leant back slightly to admire your handiwork. "Meet by the usual post we leave our horses?"

Levi replied with a curt nod. 

"Great. Uniform or civvies?"

"I don't have many civilian clothes. You know that."

With a little mock sigh, you rolled your eyes. "And here I thought you were gonna doll up in a dress or something."

"Shut up, [f/n]."

You couldn't help but smile. Especially when you saw the corners of Levi's lips curl upwards, even though his eyes were still shut. 

"Well, I wouldn't want to show you up with my massive frock and gigantic sun parasol anyway," you joked between cracks of breathy laughter. "I suppose I'll just have to make do with my uniform too - you can open your eyes by the way."

He slowly lifted his lids and blinked away the blurriness, only to see you up close right in front of him. Despite your somewhat close proximity, he made no move to create distance and instead snapped his eyes to yours. 

"You _can_ go in civvies even if I'm not, soldier."

It was the closest Levi could get to trying to hint to you that he wanted to see you wearing something cute. The military uniform didn't give much daydreaming fuel for Levi - not that he didn't like the way you looked in it. 

But still, you shook your head with a pursed-lip smile. "I'm afraid I may stick out like a sore thumb if we're wearing different attires." You didn't feel all that comfortable with the notion of being talked about by civilians as 'that girl who has been following around Humanity's strongest'. If the both of you were in uniform, or in civilians clothes, then you wouldn't stick out so much, you thought in your head. 

Levi grunted a short hum. "Didn't know it was a problem." He looked away and leant slightly to observe his reflection. "Hm. Not bad - as always," he complimented as he moved his head left and right. 

You were helpless to the smile that tugged at your features. "I'm glad you like it," you happily chimed. "I'll sweep this all in a dustpan while you shower." Carefully, you unbuttoned the cape and shook it off, allowing the strands to fall onto the ground. "If there's nothing else you need, I'll be retiring for the night - early start tomorrow and all!"

A slow nod was given from Levi as he ran his hands through his newly trimmed bangs, pleased with the way they neatly fell over his forehead. "O' five hundred hours will give us plenty of time to travel comfortably," he proclaimed, standing and fixing his sleeves. You threw the cape over your shoulder and quickly went to find a towel in his closet.

As you handed it to him, he looked at you with an acknowledging bob of his head. You sent him another charming smile, and yet again, he was quick to look away before he began to leave his quarters. 

"See you in the morning, [f/n]."

You stared at the back of Levi's head while he ran his fingers across the fuzz of his undercut. 

"In the morning, Levi," you replied just before he left. 

A whole sunrise travelling together, and a whole afternoon and evening too. Your eyes fluttered closed as a longing sigh left your smiling lips. 

Hopefully, tomorrow would be a nice send-off. It would be your last weekend you'd spend as Captain Levi's assistant, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'bisexuals exist, Jean' is the new 'Harold, they're lesbians' meme. Also I've been really busy recently! I have a convention coming up in two weeks and I'll share some photos with you guys next update!! Also I was sO got dam close to writing a smutty bit of Levi 'sorting himself out' after the poor guy has to deal with your ass on his crotch, but it felt weirdly placed in this chapter. Maybe there'll be smut soon? Anyway, thanks for reading and all of the commends and kudos! You guys make me smile like no other <3


	14. As Ourselves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!!! This chapter was sooo much fun to write! I just had lots and lots I wanted to fit in! Anyway, I've taken it upon myself to draw a little something as a visual aid for this story. You're totally free to ignore it, I just thought it might be cool! You'll know where to click when you read it~ (The left image is blank for your imagination's pleasure)

Her breath on his neck.

Her teeth on his skin.

Her moans into the smut-laced air.

The soft flush on her cheeks would crack away at his exterior. Eyes that were heavy with wanton desire would smash down his restraint. Feminine whines of pure, unadulterated pleasure would drive him _motherfucking insane_.

The way his name would drip from her overworked and bruised lips only made him want her more, made him dig his fingers into the flesh of her hips as he ground their bodies together. God, _yes,_ this was everything he wanted.

The body beneath him shuddered with utter sexual bliss, limbs curling around his muscular back as he worked at her body, worshipping it with his as if it were a sacred shrine. 

Her whimpers, _oh god,_ her whimpers. All he wanted to do was reach up and grab a fistful of her gorgeous hair. He'd pull at it and force his electric eye contact on her even as she came undone to his ministrations. And so he laced his fingers into her hair, revelling in the feather-like sensation and was mesmerised by the look in her eyes. The woman looked up at him, making her eyes look larger than usual, stunning him with glossy captivity. 

She began to reach towards his face. 

He froze. 

Closer. 

Closer. 

Eyelids fluttered closed as he prepared himself for the touch, just before her fingertips met his jaw. 

Her fingers curled around his hair and he sighed into the stroke, letting the moment sink in.

The woman's grip tightened and Levi's eyes flicked open just before you took the fist full of his onyx strands and slammed it against his headboard.

"Fucking shit!" Levi yelled as his head throbbed with tremendous pain. "Shit fuck, fucking fuck!" His eyes were screwed shut as he palmed the newly formed bump on his head. 

Fuck, that fucking hurt.

He eased his eyes open with a groan when the pain didn't subside and noted his surroundings. Empty room. A sprinkling of the morning sun. 

It was a dream. 

A fucking steamy one at that. 

Had he slammed himself against the headboard? God, he must have. 

As the pain had only just started to dull, Levi shifted under the covers uncomfortably, feeling awfully stiff in more ways than one.

_Hm. Morning, buddy._

Maybe he'd get a good ten minutes to just--

"I'M HERE!" an ever-familiar voice boomed as his door swung open, revealing his assistant who looked comically unkempt, breathing heavily having just woken up and suddenly exposed to overexertion. 

In his doorway stood his favourite woman, sporting a tank top that hung loosely over her shoulders along with comfy looking shorts. The waistband was misplaced and from underneath poked out your panties, peeking out to yell a little 'hello' to the world. On top of all of that, your hair had matted down to one side, narrating clear as day which side you had slept on just seconds before. 

However, the most peculiar part of this all was perhaps the military-issued musket in your trained hands, pointed directly between Levi's eyes. 

"What the-- you're not... you're not in danger..." you drowsily muttered as you lowered the firearm and snapped the safety back on. Lazily, you pulled a limp hand to your eyes and rubbed at the dull ache that permeated your sight. 

The older soldier carefully and slowly rearranged his bedding, first and foremost preserving his dignity before anything else. The sight of your bare legs was most certainly not helping. 

"No, I fucking just... I hit my head. You heard that?" Levi grumbled as he rested one arm on his blanket, over his crotch, and the other worked to nurse the thudding in his skull. "Glad to know I don't have to worry about fucking kidnappers with you next door."

You lazily smiled and combed down your hair with your fingers right before you gave a little, adorable yawn. 

"My headboard is pressed right up to yours. Thin walls too," you explained, tapping the wall that separated the pair of you with your knuckles, summoning a hollow sounding thud. "Anyway, it was loud enough to freak me out!" You rested your musket to the side and walked towards the Captain. "Let me look at it, check you're not concussed?"

Levi flinched slightly when you reached your hand out and shuffled in overly calculated movements to make absolute sure that his little problem didn't come into view. He had to get you to leave, quick. 

"I'm fine, [f/n]. Go back to bed," he commanded, inching away from your reaching hand. 

But still, you were persistent. "Just a second. Look at me, please," you happily requested, wanting to observe the Captain's pupils just in case he had hit his head a little too hard.

When your fingers were a millimetre away from the side of Levi's cheek, he was fully braced for a split second, for you to take a fistful of his hair and make his skull play rough with the headboard once again. But all he met was a soft touch and your studying eyes, still lidded with morning lethargy and lips that parted slightly into a pout of attentive worry.

Levi was mesmerised. 

Moreso than he had been in his dream. 

"God, you're fucking pretty," he mumbled, barely moving his lips. 

You blinked, genuinely unable to decipher what he had murmured to sound more like one long sound rather than a sentence. "What was that?"

"I said god, you're fucking filthy." The soldier turned away from you quite curtly. "You have drool on your face and your hair looks fucking horrific."

With a little whine and a scolding, you dismissed yourself once you were confident that the Captain hadn't sustained any real injury. You did wake with a startle after being woken up by a massive slam and a string of obscenities, but there was little hope of going back to sleep now. And, well... Levi certainly wasn't going to be sleeping anytime soon once he locked his door (not that you were aware of what he was occupying himself with). The temptation to scuttle somewhere to check the sun dial was overcome by the potential embarrassment of being seen in your sleepwear - the height of the sun hinted that it wasn't terribly earlier than your planned wake-up time anyway. Instead, you thought about getting ready early, and perhaps use your time doing something productive like... gossiping with Hange (it wouldn't have been odd for her to have pulled an all-nighter) or coddling your favourite horse.

But as you stood in front of your open cupboard, eyes flittering across neatly hanged uniform upon uniform, you suddenly came with other ideas.

Of course, you didn’t take absolute hours to get ready, but the extra time was eaten into as you dressed yourself. The remaining minutes were spent looking over accounts of the cadets over the week, and you were just about to start reading Mikasa’s before you heard a knock and a muffled voice at your door.

“[F/N], let’s eat then go.”

You patted down your clothes and timorously smoothed down your hair. Usually you would have it pinned away from your face at least, but for now, you allowed it to fall over your features as it wished. A sharp breath was taken in an attempt to amplify yourself before you opened the door to reveal the Captain, ever-equipped in military uniform. 

Grey eyes widened and his lips parted to make way for a particularly heavy breath as his eyes fell on your sheepish form. He had no fucking clue why you looked so nervous – [you looked fucking stunning. ](https://captainfethawit.tumblr.com/post/164372427353/just-messing-around)You wore an underbust bustier over a rose-hued dress, almost white in tone which fell over your upper arms, leaving your shoulders bare sans the shoulder straps of the corset. At your waist was a violet fabric, gathered and draped elegantly (yet was a simple touch) over the skirt, flaring slightly at the bottom with light frills. The dress stopped just over your shins. Little accessories also adorned your frame – a simple circular pendant hung over your collar bones and around your forearm was a leather wrap, seemingly just for show, but beneath held your favourite switchblade.

Levi’s eyes traced every part of you, eyes always lingering before they swept to another part of you. His lips twitched upwards knowingly when he caught sight of the leather wrap – it was something you always wore when you were out and about with him.

Your eyes traced the grooves of the doorframe, unable to look at the man before you as you tucked a few strands of your hair behind your ear, and then fiddled with the lacing of your corset.

“Uhm…”

The Captain snapped out of the trance that you had cast on him.

“I’ll be back,” he curtly announced, not skipping a beat as he entered his own room.

The door clicked shut as you questioningly called out his name. You huffed with a little bit of frustration. You weren’t going to lie – you expected some kind of compliment or something, but you supposed that this was Levi you were dealing with. Nevertheless, you were a little bit disappointed in the lack of reaction and supposed that you at least felt real damn pretty. This was the first time you’d dressed in normal clothes in months, and it felt oddly rejuvenating.

In the midst of your own musing, the Captain’s door swayed open. He certainly didn’t take long, as you were still stood in your own doorway. [Levi was just fastening the last button of his dark waistcoat, contrasting nicely to his collared white shirt. Black trousers were tucked into cuffed brown boots, adorned with tattered buckles at the sides](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/8c/16/e1/8c16e16805cbaaa7dfa471aa5d983b29.jpg), and you made a mental note to offer to re-sew them properly later.

“Levi, you…” Slightly at a loss for words, you pulled your leather purse to your chest. “You look handsome. I mean you look nice – not just nice, but handsome just sounded a little too eager, not that you don’t look that way. What I’m trying to—“

“[F/N], you’re rambling.”

“O-oh.” Bashfully, you fiddled with your hair. “Sorry.”

As Levi walked to stand next to you, you were able to more closely appreciate just how striking the man looked, even without his uniform.

“If it’s any consolation,” Levi trailed as you beckoned for him to come closer. He contentedly allowed you to fuss over him as you fiddled with his misplaced collar. “You look…” _‘Gorgeous, beautiful, stunning… absolutely captivating,’_ he thought to himself. “Good.”

He mentally kicked himself.

You patted him on the shoulder twice as you finished straightening his shirt. Even though Levi was cursing himself for his social ineptitude, you lit up at his words.

“Thank you – it’s a shame we don’t get more chances to dress freely.”

Side by side, you began your walk to the mess hall. It would no doubt only consist of only a few drowsy officers. The soft yellow glow that fell on the HQ dictated a comforting warmth this calming morning, and even tweeting birds seemed to want in on the light conversation that you and the Captain held. It was an odd sensation, walking around without uniform. You felt so out of place, yet you quite liked it. Between the small talk of today’s plans with Levi, you sang soft good mornings to whichever early risers passed by, which was often met with stutters of a reply as they were stunned to recognise you as you were.

“Good to see you guys up so early,” you tittered with a cheeky expression. You leant over the countertop that separated the mess hall from the kitchen, eager to receive your morning sustenance from three unlucky cadets.

A chorus of sleepy groans were your only reply, and your shoulders shook with the laughter you tried to maintain. _Kids._

“C’mon, at least show some respect to Captain Levi, cadets.”

The teenagers grumbled as they rubbed their sleepy eyes, not even noticing that it was the Captain himself that was grumpily stood behind the counter. They hardly recognised him without uniform, and it was only made worse with their blurry eyes. So when the morning glare was wiped away, the three cadets quickly stood to attention, jerking into a (not so substantial) salute.

“Good morning, Captain Levi, sir! Good morning, Squad Leader [f/n], ma’am!”

The man tutted and shook his head, and you nodded, happy with the response.

“At ease. None of you are looking all that awake, are you?”

“It’s not our fault,” mumbled a defeated-looking Eren. Beside him was a slumped Jean who was trying to wrestle a crate of vegetables (and was somehow losing).

“I think you’ll find it is,” the Captain announced, monotone in voice and expression. “Be glad it was [f/n] that punished you, and not me.”

Sasha seemed to be taking the brunt of the punishment, having to handle the freshly baked loaves while not being allowed to consume them. Her eyes were heavy with lethargy. Even when she spoke, her voice was thickly mixed with a layer of fatigue.

“You look real pretty today, Squad Leader.” A lazy smile was sent your way as she handed you and the Captain a tray of piping hot food. “You too, Captain!”

Not even bothering with a proper reply, Levi grunted and shuffled over to an empty table in a corner. You shook your head at the man, though your light expression was a contrast.

The tallest cadet out of the three seemed to have finished his strange mating dance with the wooden crates and leant over the counter, shit-eating grin in play. “Yeah, I mean if you weren’t my superior…”

“Jean… I’m nearly ten years your senior…” you sighed into a face-palm. “But thank you for the unconventional compliment. I was worried I’d look out of place when we go to town.”

Sasha seemed to suddenly have been shocked with a bolt of energy, nearly jumping over the counter with energy.

“You’re kidding me! You look so cute!”

“To town? Are you going on a date with the Captain?” Eren questioned with a slight tilt to his head. His cheeks were dusted with a shade of pink, adding to his boyish charm.

“No, Eren, just running some errands. Some _… Eren-ds_ ,” you quipped with your own grin to rival Jean’s. But your clever pun was only met with three groans of pain. “Whatever, kids just don’t know good comedy... Anyway, thank you, Sasha – it’s very sweet of you to say,” you reposed with kind eyes, to which she lit up and giggled.

The freshly cooked breakfast was eaten with pleasant small talk to fill the morning silence. As expected, only a handful of ranking officers flittered through the doors - the rest were most likely still asleep, and wouldn't arrive for another hour or two. Most of those who passed your table gave a slightly stunned greeting upon seeing the form of you and your Captain. The veterans hardly saw you outside of uniform, let alone the cadets.

The pair of you met up again at the stables (newly cleaned, courtesy of Connie and Ymir) after doings some last few things upon finishing breakfast, and Levi had gone to retrieve a rich navy cloak to wear over his shoulders. It had been an article of clothing from his days long before the Legion, he told you, and the weight of the cloth on his shoulders would often alleviate the anxious feeling of the eyes that were constantly on him. Or, as he put it, _'those shitty civilians won't notice another shithead with a cloak'_.

For a brief moment, you struggled with getting on your own favourite stallion, skirt proving to be annoyingly restricting. But in an odd act of chivalry, Levi slipped off his own horse to lend you a hand. You were forced to sit side-saddle in your current get-up, and eventually, with your hand in the Captain's, you were able to settle yourself. It was in that moment that the Captain's hand lingered, his support no longer needed, but touch still craved. Looking down from where you sat, you noticed how his eyes seemed to pierce yours while one corner of his lips tugged into a minute smirk, playful in nature.

One of you would have to let go eventually.

It didn't mean you had to be quick about it.

Eventually, the Captain's hand started to slip from yours as he pulled away, though his littlest finger remained for a few seconds longer. You wordlessly curled your pinkie finger around his, and he did the same.

"[F/n]! Leeeviiiii!" cried the distant voice of a certain mad scientist.

Your eyes widened, still locked with Levi's and he nodded sharply. You copied the gesture, understanding his soundless idea and waited until Levi was comfortably perched on his mare.

"Canter!" the pair of you yelled strongly in unison, gripping the reins and urging your horses forward with force. You held a grin on your face as dirt clouds billowed beneath your mare's feet, quite literally leaving poor Hange in the dust as she continued to yell with a rather large pouch of money in her grip. Little giggles left your lips and the Legion HQ fell further into the distance. You swore that you could even see the smallest of smirks on Levi's features, barely hearing his snickers above the trotting of hooves.

"Easy, Ezekiel," you commanded, Levi doing the same with his ride. "Good boy."

The suggestions of a smile lifted Levi's mouth when he turned to look at your still-beaming form.

"That was mean," you scolded with no real malice.

Levi rolled his eyes. "It was either that or have her come with us or whatever she wanted."

A groan left you in response. "Maria, no. I remember what it was like last time."

"Fuck that shit."

The mare that Levi rode whinnied and shook slightly, and you snickered under your breath as the man almost struggled to keep hold.

"I think Amelie just told you off for swearing." You pointed accusingly at the man. "What kind of name is 'Amelie' for a horse anyway?"

He rose his eyebrow at you. "Oh and 'Ezekiel' isn't weird? Fucking biblical names."

"Levi, _your_ name is biblical." Your remark evoked a scoff and a grumble from the ever-grumpy soldier.

"Stupid fucking wall-worshipers."

* * *

The hour-long journey to the centre of town was quickly filled with the usual playful jabs and comfortable talk. It was a lovely experience, leisurely trotting along quiet paths with one of your favourite companions. People didn't quite understand that while yes, Levi was a man who could appreciate silence, it didn't mean that he was difficult to talk to.  _To you, anyway._

Before you knew it, you had reached the usual post where you and the Captain would leave your horses. Ezekiel and Amelie were more than happy to be left alone together - they were in close quarters for most of their time, after all. In fact, you'd often catch the black mare fuss over the stallion when they weren't playing or nudging up against one another. So with your mounts happily housed with good company and hay, you and the Captain parted ways for the morning - you went in the direction of Erd's fiancée, leather satchel full of letters and gifts from her beloved along with almost a year's worth of untouched wages (you hardly ever spent money, and everything you lived off in the military was paid by tax). You'd have to pick up the specially ordered tea leaves at some point too...

The Captain quietly watched from the stable post as you walked away. He could hear you talking to yourself, listing off all of your self-assigned tasks and he shook his head mildly with a quiet sigh. You were too cute for your own good. 

With you gone, Levi now had the better part of the morning to himself. He turned to glance down the opposite path to the one you took and noted the streamers and brightly coloured pennants that draped between walls and windows. With a spark of interest, he supposed he might as well go and explore before meeting up with you again. 

Plus, he had a pretty vague shopping list of his own. One he was glad he could do in secrecy. 

While Levi had taken a stroll towards the town square, you had taken the sleepier route towards the residential area. You could see some civilians doing morning chores occasionally, but most seemed to still be enjoying the toasty Sunday morning indoors.

It only just crossed your mind that Erd's fiancée could possibly have still been asleep, wondering if you should've come later in the morning as you stood in front of a solid door. The knock you sounded was met with momentary silence, and you took that moment to appreciate the quaint home. It emitted a comfortable vibe, even from the outside, and you had only just noticed the peonies that littered the property when the door gently swung open. 

"[f/n]?" the slim woman voiced with upturned eyebrows. She wiped her hands on the apron that was draped over her skirt, leaving behind smudges of white powder. "Good morning. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

She held a sweet expression, yes, but it did not reach her eyes. A surprise visit from a soldier did not often bring good news - but she gladly had nothing to worry about. 

"Good morning! Sorry if I disturbed you, Anke," you announced with a sheepish expression. A hand reached into your satchel to unveil a thick envelope and a fist-sized package. "Erd wanted me to hand these to you since I'm away from the base today."

It was refreshing to see the young woman's face light up at the name. Her chocolate-hued eyes held the comfort of a hearth in winter, complimenting her maiden's smile. 

"Oh, that silly man... he should know better than to bother you on your day off," Anke scolded, though you could tell that she was elated beneath her tone. "Please, come in! It's been so long since we've last spoken!"

The woman was insistent, and you knew better than to turn down Erd's fiancée in any way (as his stories about her unrivalled stubbornness had taught you). As it turned out, the woman had been baking a cake, explaining why she took a good few minutes to answer the door. You had offered to help, but she was already dragging a stool next to a countertop in the kitchen, asserting that you should sit while the pair of you had a nice and girly catch-up.

So there you sat, over a damn good glass of freshly squeezed orange juice as you watched the promised woman excitedly coo over the reams of paper. 

Just how much did Erd have to write about anyway?!

"Oh, Erd... you big sap." Anke settled the sheets down to the side, having read the first page with plans to finish them in her own time later. 

"You're all he ever talks about, you know. It's so sweet!" A little giggle left your grinning lips as you tilted your glass towards her. Your companion proudly squeezed her shoulders together.

"Good! As I should be!" the woman jested as she worked to open the package. "He mentioned in an older letter that you'd be getting a promotion - it feels like the cake is good timing!"

Profusely, you shook your head and held your hand out. "That's so kind, but you don't-"

"I'm not taking no for an answer. Take it as a gif-- _oh, Erd_..." she trailed with endearment adorning her wistful sigh while she peered into the package, and your eyes widened when you saw the contents of the wrapped gift. Inside the brown paper had been something bound neatly in a large green leaf, housing green, long stems with the brown innards poking out from the splits. 

"No way... Anke, that must be straight from outside the walls!" you beamed with utter wonder. The man had given her wild vanilla?! "I bet it's from our last expedition. God, you're so lucky!"

A delicate hand was pressed against Anke's lips in shock. The spice was incredibly desired within the most inner walls! And here she was, with a package full of them, from a place that most had never even set foot into. By the three goddesses, Erd had outdone himself this time. 

"Well, lucky you for being here, right? I'm going to use some for the cake!" the woman winked at your wide-eyed expression. 

She was already scraping the pod as you were shaking your head. "N-no! I couldn't! The cake is one thing, but-"

The look she shot you was enough to quickly shut you up. You felt like a child being told off and looked down at your twiddling fingers in order to avoid the wrath that was Anke's unyielding tenacity. You only looked up when she spoke again, focused on pouring the mixture into a tin. 

"You and Captain Levi are still together?" she passively asked. 

For a few moments, you stuttered with your words. "We're not-- not _together,_ together. But we're together right now. Not now! He's not here, obviously. But he's out with me. Today. We're not going out. But we're just here together. Just not _together_ -"

"[F/N], my dear, please stop before you hurt yourself," Anke laughed under her breath with a shake of her head and a knowing smile. "I meant are you still his assistant?"

Scratching the side of your cheek, you huffed at your own inability to talk about your feelings. "Yes, but not for long. By Monday I'll be a full-time Squad Leader..." You looked down to the hands in your lap. "But if you're getting to where I think you are, no, I haven't told him yet."

The brunette tutted three times and forcefully shut the door of the iron stove.

"That just won't do," she scolded, shooting you a chilling glance. "Come, I have an idea -- we have _a lot_ of time on our hands."

If Erd's stories were anything to go by, you _really_ didn't have a choice, did you?

* * *

 "No, I swear! They were **holding hands!** "

Two palms were slammed against the solid wooden table in protest.

"Yeah, well it doesn't count! [F/N] and Nanaba hold hands all the time!" Gelgar yelled as Henning and Lynne nodded behind him. The verbal war seemed to have taken the mess hall by storm as Hange was basically head-butting Gelgar over a table. "So it's nothing special, is it?"

"Come on, this is the Captain we're talking about. It's all about relativity!" Connie rebuked, standing behind Hange after having gotten caught up in the age-old war of the Scouting Legion that was 'Nanaba and [F/N] versus Levi and [F/N]'. 

Yeah.

You're thinking right.

The Scouting Legion was having a shipping war.

"Sasha told me they were both dressed up. You know what that sounds like to me? A date."

Connie swung his arms out in a 'come at me' gesture, and held one fist out to the Commander, expecting a bump back. With a perplexed expression, Erwin simply looked down at the clenched hand and left the cadet hanging (and Connie's pride damaged).

"C'mon, Commander, I thought you were cool," the cadet whined as he retracted his hand. 

 _Now._ Erwin was a tough guy. But it hurt to have been demoted on the cool-scale by a cadet, and the blond couldn't help but purse his lips into a thin grimace with a slow nod of painful acceptance.

Lynne snarled and decisively placed her hands on her hips. She leant over the table that split the opposing sides apart and narrowed her eyes at the short cadet. "I don't know what your deal is, but we have been around for way longer than you have. Heck, we are _Mike's squad_. We've seen this all first-hand! And Nanaba has always been a better fit."

Green eyes locked onto Lynne's firey hues. "I'm gonna have to disagree. Have you seen the way the Captain looks at her?"

"Yeah, damn, those heart eyes are so obvious it hurts."

Eren jerked to look at the voice at his side. "You... you agree with me for once?" When Jean nodded with raised eyebrows, Eren glanced behind him only to find almost all of the cadets backing Hange up. When he turned to look forwards, back to Mike's squad that led the 'Team Nanaba' charge, he noticed that they were, in fact, the total opposite. Veterans upon veterans backed them up.

It was the battle of new versus old.

The blossoming relationship that the cadets were being exposed to, or the history that the veterans knew all too well.

"I don't think it's appropriate to argue about this over lunch..." Mike grumbled, hunched in his seat as he pushed around his plate of mush.

The brunette scientist rolled her eyes. "Whatever, Mike. You're the one who admitted that [F/N] obviously has feelings for him."

"What?!" Mike's squad all yelled, along with a chorus of 'how could you?' and 'you traitor!'.

"Learn to admit defeat. Eren is right - it's pretty much undeniable."

Erwin cleared his throat, causing all of the background arguing to dwindle down. "Mike is right. This is widely inappropriate-"

"Erwiinn!" Hange whined, swaying her head side to side to emphasise her wail. "This is literally as close as it gets for most of us when it comes to romance. If we can't have our own, we might as well invest our time into someone else's!"

Before long, someone at the other side of the room had yelled obscenities about Levi being too much of a jerk, triggering someone else behind Hange to insult the old-timers that opposed them. It eventually caused a shouting match between nearly everyone in the mess hall, and Erwin pressed a calloused palm to his forehead. He glanced at a window and thought to himself as his eyes traced the tufts of white and grey that flurried the sky--

Was this a school or a military faction?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and thank you for your comments and kudos!!!!! <3 I love you all!!!!!!!!


	15. We're Idiots, Aren't We?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HONESTLY. This chapter was so difficult to write haha. I hope you guys like it! This double chapter update is like a sorry for taking so long to update, and also a sorry for the future since I'm going to be starting uni again soon!

Maybe it wasn't too late.

Maybe there was still time to backtrack before he was in too deep - he could just turn his default back on, give you some short and curt answers and he was sure you'd get the idea. The proverbial boundary was getting far too close for comfort, and if Levi could stop it from being crossed, then so help him, he was going to end all suggestions of a further relationship right there and then. Yeah, good. So the plan was to emphasise the state of a professional relationship, and run far, far away from The Proverbial Line that was a romantic relationshi-

"Levi! Sorry if I kept you waiting."

Oh shit.

Levi quickly shoved his newly bought items into a bag that had been tied around his mare and took a deep breath, screwing his eyes shut as he internally switched 'asshole Captain' mode on.

"I expect better from you, [L/N]. Don't let it happen again," the soldier harshly scolded before he turned to look at...

**_ Oh shit. _ **

_Shit. Shit shit **shit!**_

Tilting your head to the side and looking away bashfully, you brushed your hair away from your face and nervously laughed as the colours of embarrassment tinged over your cheeks, emphasising Anke's handiwork. The woman had worked her magic on your features, emphasising them ever so gently with powders and petal pigments. Your cheeks were dusted with a highlighting blush, and your eyes were lined with dark colours, flaring slightly at the corner to give the image of a doe-like glance. Even your lips sported the softest suggestions of rouge, and the shy smile you wore drove the Captain insane. Anke had done wonders with emphasising your natural features.

Basically, Levi's 'plan' had gone out of the fucking window.

"Sorry, sir," you responded while you bound some packages to your stallion. "Anke wouldn't let me go until we shared a snack."

The little hums of delight you sounded caused ripples in Levi's chest. He shook his head with grit teeth. He was hopeless.

"I suppose it's alright then. Let's get going," he concluded with a nod, unable to stop glancing at you every other second. "I get the impression that you'll enjoy what's going on over there."

The cryptic Captain didn't answer any questions the entire walk to the town square. Though if the environment was anything to go by, there was some kind of event going on. People bustled around the area and merrily bartered with each other as you and Levi weaved around the maze of markets. Along the way to wherever Levi was taking you, you occasionally tugged his cloak to a stall you were interested in. A bottle of whiskey here, some books over there, slowly, slowly ticking your shopping list along with some unplanned additions (like handmade toffee and cinnamon sticks).

Deeper into the town hung streamers and string pennant flags that decorated the streets with all sorts of colours, and there were more and more people to bump into as the pair of you drew closer to the fountain marking the very centre of the Trost District. You and the Captain at some point had to hold on to each other to stop yourselves from separating as people tried to zigzag between and around you - he was careful to not disturb the blade under your leather brace too much, of course. The commotion was another clue, as people yelled or laughed, cheered, and cried out. Just what was going on?

Levi held his forearm out for you to take, helping you up the large steps that elevated the fountain above the rest of the crowd. With a smile, you shakily took the strong arm and heaved yourself up to the steps as your other hand held your dress up as to not trip and fall. He made sure you were stood safely away from the edge and led you around the many sitting and resting bodies.

He said nothing when you spun to take in the sight.

The wonder in your eyes as you took in all of the colours, all of the movement, made Levi incredibly vulnerable to smiling. As your eyes swept across the crowds of people, you were all too naïve at the grey eyes that admired you.

"Is this some sort of festival?" you asked as you marvelled at the sight. "I don't know if we picked a bad day or a great day to go out!"

Levi scoffed at your quip and folded his arms as he grumbled to the side, "shit if you ask me. I think I hate every single person here already."

Playfully, you nudged his ribs with your elbow. "And yet you take me here anyway." You looked at him from the corner of your eye and caught his sight as he was already turned to look at you. Just as quickly as your eyes met, the man tutted loudly and looked for something to pretend to care about. With a little hum of satisfaction, you bounced once on the balls of your feet. "You know..." you started, catching the way Levi's head turned a few inches towards you but stopped just before you could see his face fully. "It's gonna be a big mistake if you let me loose. I can spend hours just gawking at everything."

"I know," Levi huffed. "That's why I took you here, idiot."

Ah, what a silly man.

You shook your head with a smile.

"Softie. You're ruining your 'I hate everything' reputation."

Despite Levi's complaining and old man-like grumbling, the pair of you remained in the town square. But not before sharing the slices of vanilla sponge cake that Anke had wrapped for you, and by the three goddesses, they were divine! Levi was thankful for the treat having trekked the labyrinth of vendors for the whole morning. And plus, sitting on a fountain edge with a gorgeous view and his favourite companion wasn't the worst way to spend a lunch break. Once the pair of you had gotten the chance to sit down and refuel for the day, on you set off again to explore to your heart's content.

It was a sort of travelling performer's festival, where street acts from every district gathered at the very birthplace of street performances. Some from the Utopia district acted out comedies on a haphazardly made stage, animatedly making onlookers laugh and giggle heartily. A string quartet from the Stohess district tugged at everyone's hearts as they fell silent to the storytelling notes, and an old lady from the Karanese district performed a tea-serving ritual on a luxurious rug, displaying honourable traditions as people observed with enthusiasm.

Levi would sigh and grumble every now and then. His feet kind of hurt and the humid weather was doing nothing to lighten his mood. But whenever he would glance at his side and catch your various expressions - your smiles, your giggles, and your eyes that shone with astonishment - he felt that much more resistance in him to simply let out a huff and shut his mouth. 

Regardless to say, Levi's limit had to come at some point. So he mentally thanked the goddesses when you promised him that you'd be dragging him to one last performance. It had caught your eye as a sea of people surrounded one elevated platform, and all sorts of reactions were being roused. There was a mix of cheers, yells, giggles and cries. What was going on? Some sort of performance? A drama?

"No, no, my dear!" a croaky, high-pitched voice bellowed, displaying who was quite obviously a young man draped in long white robes and a plastic hooked nose. "Have you no idea what love is? Affection? Care?!"

The man next to you grumbled as townsfolk continued to gather and knock against him. "Shit," he cursed when a particularly aggressive little girl jostled him into you.

You reached behind you, blindly grabbing for Levi. Ah, you found his forearm! "Just stand closer, Levi. People will stop stampeding us that way," you suggested as you tugged him closer. He let out a hitched and low  _'_ oof _'_  as his chest lightly bumped against your back.

"They fucking better," he growled as his mouth was practically pressed against your ear in this proximity. A little snicker left you as the grumpy soldier shuffled uncomfortably behind you. "Tch. Fucking cloak," muttered the man as it kept getting caught on shuffling bodies.

Rolling your eyes as you grumbled something akin to 'drama queen' under your breath, you pawed behind you once more to grab the hems of Levi's dark cloak and drape the fabric around yourself, stopping the edges from being tugged and pulled by strangers. The body behind you grunted once again as your movement caused him to jerk forward and more intimately press against you.

"O-oi-"

"Don't say anything, Levi," you bravely commanded as your cheeks started to tingle. 

It was then that a short haired woman with a rich voice trudged around the stage, clad in badly made chain mail and cardboard armour. She animatedly paced up and down the platform, tossing her arms around. "How was I, a soldier of the king, meant to know that _love_  is a necessary human emotion?!"

"Gah!" the elderly 'woman' sighed while throwing his limbs in the air, accidentally knocking his own plastic nose in the process, causing the people around you to crackle with chuckles. Levi could feel you giggling against his chest, and he couldn't help but crack a tiny crooked smile. It was just a shame that you couldn't see. "W-well..." the actor fumbled, choosing to ignore the accident. ”You must learn for yourself, brave knight! Go on! Show the damsel in distress some heart!"

"God, this is just-- this is awful," you spoke between chortles. "The princess kind of looks like a gu-uhnf!" A man in front of you elbowed you as he shifted, causing you to fall into Levi. Thankfully, he stood with his feet strongly planted as always and protectively encircled his digits around your waist beneath his cloak.

"Watch it, asshole," the soldier snapped lowly, teeth gritting at the rude civilian. The middle aged man mumbled several profanities before purposely shoving his arm into Levi's shoulder as he walked away. He turned his head to the side just as you began to do the same, and your noses were just centimetres apart. You could feel his breath fanning on your face, and it was practically impossible to miss the way his grey eyes flickered down to your lips. The pair of you stayed like that for a while, simply staring, afraid that any words would tip the balance, or whatever it was.

You swallowed a lump in your throat when the flips in your stomach were getting too much.

"Let's... let's find somewhere with fewer people?" you suggested quietly.

At this proximity, Levi could appreciate just how long your eyelashes were, framing your dilated eyes. He nodded slowly and pursed his lips, giving your waist a little squeeze before letting go. 

"Follow me."

And so you did, heart still pounding and breathing still shallow.  _Too close. We were too close..._

The pair of you were warier of the space between you this time, as you followed the Captain to wherever he was taking you. He seemed to have a particular place in mind, and you were happy to let him take the reins this time around, as you had dictated the day's pace the entire afternoon. Now, as the sun hung lower, and the sky grew darker with greys, you were ready to catch your breath for a little while then head back home.

But something was happening.

The atmosphere between the pair of you as the crowd started to thin became more evident. As you walked beside your Captain, you could feel _something_  breaking.  _Something_  shifting. You couldn't understand, but in your gut, you just couldn't push down the feeling that was so liberating yet so heavy.

"Oi."

"Huh?"

You snapped your head up and noticed that Levi was no longer walking beside you.

"We'll rest here," a voice behind you announced, and you turned to realise that you must've walked ahead while you were stuck in your own thoughts.

With a little hum, you nodded and backtracked to stand beside the soldier, who leant on the stone wall deck that arched over a river. Bringing your hands to your chest, you let out a quiet sigh of reverence as you took in the sight. Between the greys and whites in the sky, the sun peeked through the gaps. Clouds emblazoned amber god rays like hundreds of little spotlights, causing the rushing water beneath you to glitter and reflect gleams of light.

"Do you ever wonder..." you trailed as you did your best to mentally freeze this moment forever. Levi turned his head to look at you, still leaning on the secluded bridge. "How something so beautiful can exist in such an awful world?"

Levi blinked a few times at the sight before him, just in case it was some kind of wonderful, cruel dream. 

His voice was barely there while his eyes traced your nose, your eyes that held so many juxtapositions, your hair, and the gentle slope of your neck.

"...Yeah."

He made every effort he could to mentally freeze this moment forever.

You smiled. And it made everything that much more perfect for him.

"It'd look better if there wasn't so much grey, huh?" you laughed lightly.

"Hm. It's not so bad."

The pressure you felt on your hips suddenly made you jolt up, alert with surprise. Fingers pressed into your skin further, but with a certain slowness of care. You shuffled slightly, rearranging your posture to comfortably lean to the side, but it only resulted in smashing the side of your head on your companion's jaw.

"Ow, shit!"

With wide eyes, you quickly spun to face Levi properly, rubbing your fingertips against the area you had just assaulted.

"Oh god, I'm sorry!"

A hand was placed on your shoulder in reassurance as Levi screwed his eyes shut. _Holy shit_ did you have a hard head.

"I'm fine, it's okay," he reassured with a prominent grimace. He was surprised to open his eyes and find you with a fist pressed to your lips... laughing?

Your shoulders bounced up and down as you shook your head, still slightly leaning into Levi.

"Levi, was that your attempt at romance?"

"..."

Tilting your head to look at the man, you noted the faintest (and bloody cutest) little pout on his face as he turned to the side, refusing to look at you.

Still, he didn't speak when you silently took his hand in yours.

"We are so bad at this," he lamented, only tightening his grip around your fingers as he pressed his other hand to his forehead.

"So, so bad," you echoed as a smile tugged at the corners of your lips. You could feel a similar tug at your heart. "Do you... want to try again?"

The chest you were leaning on dipped with a long sigh. "I suppose we'll have to," he mumbled with a deep tone, using his free hand to barely ghost his touch against your cheek, guiding you.

Your eyebrow twitched upwards as a cheeky grin struck your features. "Yeah, but have you ever thought of how fucking unsanitary kissing is?" You slipped your hand away from his and instead snaked your arms around his neck as your eyes fluttered closed. His forehead rested against yours, and the sun peered between the barely-there gap that you and Levi created.

His lips were so close, you could even feel his bangs tickling your cheeks as he leant into you. His lips were basically touching yours, and you could feel them brush against your skin as he spoke - nearly whispered. "Who said I was going to kiss you?"

"Me, asshole."

A few millimetres left was all it took, and you pressed your mouth against him, making Levi tilt backwards slightly. But it only took a second for him to grasp your hips and waist as he reciprocated his own pressure, closing his eyes in the process, and making you feel more weightless than you'd ever felt before. To be honest, you were getting a little lightheaded - but you quickly decided that this was the good kind of lightheadedness. To Levi, the feeling of your smile moving against him just felt so right and so god damn necessary, he couldn't believe it had taken him this long. 

The pair of you only broke apart, panting deeply, when you felt a raindrop flicker onto your cheek. And then Levi felt one patter on his nose. He wiped away the droplet on your face with his thumb.

"Fuck," he raspily cursed as he breathed deeply, still looking intensely into your eyes.

You weren't having an easier time catching your own breath. "Y-yeah." Honestly, you couldn't come up with any smart words.

Even as the rain fell heavier, into your hair, into his cape, Levi's lips searched for yours once again. The kiss was more desperate this time while he pressed your body tighter against his. You, in turn, deepened the kiss as you pulled him closer.

Once again, you broke the foreign touch to speak, breathing heavily while you kept your eyes locked on his. "Levi," you began but was quickly interrupted with involuntary titters. "We can't just stay out here."

Even as the rain pelted down on the soldier's skin, droplets catching on his eyelashes or running down the slant of his jawline, he looked as handsome as ever. "Yeah. Shit, okay. You're right." Hastily, he unclipped his cloak from his shoulders and threw it over your heads. It was already soaked as the heavens rained down, but it at least kept the offending droplets from getting into your eyes. 

Holding the fabric above your heads, you and the Captain ran and ran, all the way back to the centre - into any public building you could find, really. Funnily enough, almost every building was full to the brim with people as Trost was overrun for the festival. Every tavern, inn, and hostel didn't even let you through the door as people were stood outside every establishment, hiding under whatever cover they could from the torrential downpour. People would pre-emptively tell you that even they couldn't get in and that there was another public house a few blocks down. 

It felt like hours until you'd actually found a tavern that wasn't full, but in reality, you and Levi had only been running around in the rain for twenty minutes. But thank the walls when you did find that place - The Silver Swan, it was called. You were shaking like a leaf even when you and Levi pushed through the heavy wooden doors. The warm, earthy colours flooded your senses, and although the tavern was not fancy by any means, it was most certainly better than the conditions outside. 

"Oh my... Ellanora! Bring us some towels!" a voice boomed out from a few feet away. You were too preoccupied with burying yourself into Levi's side, who protectively looped an arm around your hip. The soldier was just as soaked as you were, yet wasn't shaking like you, not even a bit.

"Th-than... thank yo-u," you stuttered as you reached for the warm and fluffy fabrics that were handed to you. 

Levi frowned deeply and rubbed his hand up and down your arms. Deciding to wear a dress today really backfired, it seemed. He might've been used to being exposed to the elements, but you most certainly were not - especially not in a common dress.

"Squad Leader and Captain of the military," Levi stated, opening his palm to the tavern owner who was currently doting over your chattering form. His hand displayed two insignias, having taken your medal from your satchel's pocket while you were being fussed over. "We need a room for two." Once the (pretty overbearing) lady had acknowledged the emblems of the military, her eyes widened and she stopped drying you. "Now." Levi's voice was commanding. Perhaps too much so, as he threw on a grumbled 'please' at the end, momentarily forgetting that civilians would not be used to his assholish antics. 

"Of course!" the woman beamed enthusiastically. Of course, Levi was careful to not mention which branch of the military. No point in risking being scrutinised. "Thank you for your service," she greeted warmly before taking a deep breath and yelling at the very top of her voice for a very grumpy looking teen. 

The tavern owner's daughter looked as if she'd rather be dead as she dragged her feet, keys in hand as she led you to your room. Behind you, you could hear the maternal-driven woman yelling about the next meal being on the house while you snuggled into the toasty towels that had been draped around you. 

Just before the bored looking teen opened the door, she greeted you one last time with a monotone voice to rival Levi's. "Please enjoy your stay at The Silver Swan Tavern, we serve meals until eleven o' clock."

She hadn't even waited for a reply before turning around and leaving to trudge back downstairs. The man shrugged and led you into the homely room, still holding you to his side for warmth. He kicked the door closed behind him, and as soon as it clicked shut, you allowed the towel to slip from your shoulders as you spun to look at Levi. 

"God, she was so much like you, it's scary," you snickered with your hands on your sopping wet skirt. 

The Captain drew his eyebrows together as he narrowed his eyes at you, folding his arms in the process. "You sly brat."

You stopped shaking the moment nobody else could see you! And you had the gall to make him worried!

"Pretty good, huh? Got us roomed in a click of a finger." A cheeky smile was boasted on your features. "Never thought you'd be the kind of person to use your status like that, _Captain_ ," you teased as you searched around for matches to light the given candles and lamp. 

Marching to stand behind you, Levi disapprovingly pursed his lips. "I thought you were freezing, [F/N]."

The room was suddenly lit up by an orange glow. It was quite spacious for a tavern at the heart of Trost, housing a bay window at the far wall, and a large four-post bed. A tall mirror loomed over the vanity where the oil lamp sat, and the door to the far corner led either to a closet or an ensuite. You prayed for the latter. 

"Sorry, Levi," you softly apologised with a gentle expression. You brought your hands to your chest as you turned to look at his disapproving form. "I appreciate it, really. Thank you for keeping me warm - I actually was really cold."

Letting a sigh out through his nose, the man shook his head. No, no. He should've known better than to think of you as a delicate flower who couldn't take a pounding from the elements. You were just as much of a soldier as he was, and it was his mistake for thinking otherwise. 

Looking to unwind his tense shoulders and atone for making your dear Captain worry, you brushed your hand against the shortest part of his haircut. You caught the way he shifted his lips and closed his eyes, allowing himself to more openly indulge in your affection. He was enjoying the attention, but it didn't mean he forgave you just yet. 

In a split-second decision, you leant to place a quick little butterfly kiss on his thin lips, but quickly pulled away and looked to the side, pushing your hands to your chest with a nervous simper. Levi's eyes snapped open when he felt your sweet little action, and he did his best to suppress the warmth creeping onto his cheeks. Instead, he opted for looking to the side and just letting a little smile loose for once. Hopefully, those would happen more often, he thought to himself as he ran his fingers along the back of his head, tracing the places where your fingers once were. Though it most certainly wasn't good news for his reputation if you could get rid of his irritation with just one action.

"Well. What do we do now?" It was a question that you could have interpreted in many ways.

Pressing a hand to your forehead, you bit your lip in contemplation. "We can't head back in this weather. But Amelie and Ezekiel..."

Levi tutted loudly while brushed his fingers against your bangs, moving them away from your face. You felt his pinkie finger feather against your forehead. "We'll just have to pay the stablehand for the extra night tomorrow."

You quietly nodded as you shifted your hands to rub against the damp skin of your arms. "A whole night," you mumbled to yourself, your eyes locking onto stormy greys.

There was a momentary silence as Levi's hand remained in your hair. He let out a quick huff before pulling away and folding his arms, turning his head to the window with pursed lips.

"Take off your clothes."

Instantly, you halted your own comforting actions and nearly got whiplash from looking at him so quickly. "Excuse me?!"

He refused to look at you as he explained himself. "You can't sleep in those. Take them off and get under the covers. I won't look until you tell me it's okay."

With an uneasy exhale, you puffed your cheeks, thinking about the situation before you pinched the lacing of your corset. 

"Well? Turn around," you commanded with an irritated expression to contrast your flushed features. 

Without a word, Levi complied. He moved to lean on the desk that was pushed against a wall, hunching over it with shut eyes as he tried to think of anything other than the sounds of you undressing. The zipping sound of you undoing your corset. The light drop of your dress when it met the floor. The shuffling of fabric.

You sighed with your mouth shut tight. "It's okay to turn around, Levi."

The sound of your voice made his eyes flitter open. He furrowed his eyebrows as his sight got used to the low fire light.

"We should get a good night's..." His breath hitched as he turned to look at you. "...sleep..."

Biting your lip and tilting you head to the side slightly, your chest rose and fell ever so gently as you steadied your own breathing. You didn't miss how Levi's Adam's apple bobbed up and down with a gulp as you took a step out of the halo that your dress formed around your bare feet. 

There was a voice in your head screaming at you, telling you that this would all lead to a shitstorm. Relations and work never mixed.

But there was another voice. It was quieter, almost just like a passing breeze in your mind, but that's what made you listen all the harder. The voice was soft and sweet, and maybe even a little hopeful.

 

 

_'Fuck it.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments and kudos <3 They're what keep me motivated to write, after all! Next chapter is gonna be a blast~ //eyebrow wiggles


	16. Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I RISE FROM MY GRAVE OF NO UPDATES! \o/
> 
> (Not yet beta-read, whoops)

One little action. Just one decision was all it took to set the circuit in motion.

Levi’s hands were suddenly tangled in your hair as he pushed his lips against yours, relishing the vanilla flavoured kisses in an ironically not-so-vanilla kiss. You moaned into the action, your fingers brushing against his hipbones as your hand crept under his damp button-up shirt.

God, did Levi fucking love the sounds you were making.

And god, did you fucking love the feeling of hard abs under your fingertips.

Levi groaned as he felt you rake your nails across the bumps and grooves of his muscles, and wound his fingers tighter into your hair as he assaulted your lips with deep and desperate kisses. Hungrily, he attacked your neck with open-mouthed onslaughts, absolutely falling in love with the way you tilted your head to the side with a coquettish moan.

“I hope fucking hope we know what we’re doing,” he growled against your sensitive skin.

Your eyes fluttered shut as you felt him resume his ministrations.

“Mmm–me too.”

At some point, he had begun to walk you backwards towards the four-posted bed, and you felt the light canopy brush against your bare skin just before your back met the soft bedding. You looked up at the man who towered over your form, mouth open as airy lust pushed through your lips. Levi drank the sight before him - the cloudy need in your eyes, the heavy dipping and rising of your chest, and your newly claimed lips. Everything made him fall so much more.

So when the hunger in his eyes was buried in the crook of your neck with a little snuggle (reminding you slightly of an affectionate cat), you grew a bit concerned.

“Hm? Levi?” you softly chimed as you brought a hand up to brush against his undercut. A light smile tugged at your lips when you felt him nuzzle deeper into your skin.

The soldier took a moment to inhale your scent for a moment. The scent that had plagued his room, his office, was right before him, in its rawest form.

And it drove him fucking crazy.

“Just… just let me enjoy this.”

He felt your light laugh flutter against his chest, and you felt his roguish smile play against your neck.

“So many fucking years,” he grumbled softly, slightly muffled as his lips moved lazily against you. His hand rested on the bare skin of your hips, stroking the exposed area with the pad of his thumb slowly and repetitively. You noticed that he always kept at least one hand on you at all times as if he was scared that you’d dematerialise into just another daydream.

In a slightly uncomfortable manoeuvre, you tilted your head to lovingly kiss his temple, lingering for a few seconds longer. You couldn’t help but let out a flitter of giggles as he peppered kisses along your neck and jawline, occasionally grazing the sensitive area with his long eyelashes.

“L-Levi,” you breathed between laughs. “That tickles!”

It was then that you felt Levi’s lips twitch against your neck in a brief moment of playful mischief. “Hm? Does this tickle too?” he asked with a low and quiet tone, locking eyes with you as his fingers dug into your hips a little deeper. Your delighted sounds were cut off by a moan that pushed through your lips, feeling Levi’s hardness grind slowly and ever so purposefully against your cotton panties.

Quickly becoming obsessed with rousing that same reaction from you, Levi wound his fingers through your hair and tilted your head to the side as he resumed his more wanton actions. The soldier left little marks along and around your collarbone, acutely aware of where your uniform would be able to hide his purple-red signatures. He continued to grind against you, and you rolled your hips upwards to increase the simulation with hiccups of whimpers. Your hands eventually found the back of his head and you pulled him from his obsession with your neck. For a brief moment, you swore you saw his teeth glint with a snarl.

“If you just plan on keeping your clothes on all night, I’m gonna be really disappointed,” you breathily quipped with a grin.

With an elongated sigh, Levi shut his eyes and began to work on the buttons of his top. He leant forward to search for your lips, which you gladly allowed while your fingers aided his. You swiftly slipped the white button down from his sculpted shoulders, all without pulling away from the desperately needed touch - a decision that Levi didn’t seem to mind at all. As you pushed the clothing down his arms your hand eventually met his wrist, and by the time you had realised where Levi’s hand began to trail, it was too late to brace yourself. He swallowed your sudden gasp while his fingers feathered up and down your sweet cotton panties, desperately in love with the little groans he stroked from you. You involuntarily lifted your hips, urging Levi to stimulate your clit with circular motions which made your thighs tremble around him.

The man had grumbled something into your ear - you weren’t quite sure what it was. The words had been long lost to the mixture of sensations coursing through your veins. The Captain’s long fingers pushed the cotton aside and you dug your head into the crook of his neck as his middle and ring finger tortured your soaking slit. You whimpered his name, urging the man to intensify his ministrations, and by the gods, was it sinfully pleasurable. Your hands gripped his arms like claws, but by no means did Levi slow down, even as you screwed your eyes shut, mouth hanging open in a silent moan. Though your eyelids were doused in darkness, you could still hear Levi’s shallow breathing, feel his fingers curl upwards, pressing against all the right places.

“L-Levi,” you breathily whined, struggling between whimpers. “Do-ohh— _Don’t stop_ —“

And just like the jerk he is, the man stopped dead in his tracks, making you release a muffled whine. You heard the man above you give a low chuckle of a reply, and you could hear the goddamn filthy smirk in his voice as he vocalised his next command.

“Beg.”

“Wha—?”

“You heard me.”

“Levi, I practically already was,” you huffed, clearly anything but amused.

“You know what I mean,” he grunted, punctuating his point by curling his fingers that little more, thrusting his long appendages into you upwards with a rough swiftness to them, making you yelp and clutch at his forearms harder.

“L-Levi- Levi,” you chanted between pants, wanting nothing more than the cruel man above you to give you what you goddamn needed. “Plea… p-please, let me c-come,” you stuttered with a half-lidded gloss in your eyes. The rouge of your cheeks, the ruined lipstick, and the slight pout of your lips, and Levi was happy.

“…Good girl.”

“Oh g-god, _oh god_ , yes,” you shakily stuttered. Your thighs slipped into a state of uncontrollable tremors as your teeth clenched over your bottom lip, and just as your eyes began to roll up in utter pleasure, you felt Levi’s forehead press against yours.

Silver eyes pierced yours like bullets, and you could feel his hot, controlled breaths against your abused lips.

“Look at me, [f/n],” he commanded, and your eyes fluttered, barely able to focus. Again, Levi spoke. “Look at me when you come.”

You were barely able to focus your vision, fighting to keep them locked onto the dilated pupils of your captor as the tension on your lower stomach tightened and tightened with every rough pump of Levi’s knuckles.

“L-Levi— Levi-!“

It was as if you’d forgotten any other syllables.

“I know, [f/n],” he grumbled in an oddly comforting tone. “Come for me.”

And just like that, the tension snapped. You released a choked sob, mouth hanging open in a silent scream as Levi’s fingers persistently played you like a fucking harp, prolonging the almost downright divine pulsations.

“Good girl,” he repeated possessively, relentlessly pistoning his fingers.

Your immense orgasm grew almost too intense, and you released a strung out whine at the sensation.

“A-aaAAAh— Levi—!”

The ravenette silenced your lewd vocals with a kiss, pushing his lips onto yours as your thighs squeezed around him. Your eyes screwed shut, trying your best to kiss back but the thrusting between your thighs were doing nothing to silence your screams, only taking advantage of your oversensitive post-orgasm state.

And god. Levi was showing no signs of stopping.

Instinctively, you tried arching away from the man’s cursingly skilled hand, but it only prompted Levi to more vigorously work at your dripping core. The overstimulation drove you to primal insanity as your arms snapped around Levi’s neck, letting you muffle your pleasure-tainted scream into the space between his muscular neck and broad shoulders. Your second orgasm approached with record time and you could almost feel the little bastard smirking with pride - pride in the fact that he could reduce this skilled, role model of a soldier soldier into a screaming, lewd mess. It only grew wider as he felt you squeeze his appendages while you came.

“Mmmnnnfffff—“ you helplessly yelled into the crook of Levi’s neck, barely able to register the affectionate praise that he showered into your ear. “Levi,” you shakily whimpered, pulling away from his shoulder. “Levi, stop, I can’t—“ You gasped, swallowing a breath that got caught in your throat. “T-too much.”

Thank god. Thank god he listened as your laboured breathing and clearing eyes signalled your return from your sexual high. Your chest heaved with each breath and you took some seconds shutting and opening your eyes in shifts as an attempt to drag yourself back to a coherent state. You think you felt Levi kiss your forehead, and you think he said something too, but you were too busy recovering from two (literally) mind-blowing orgasms.

A hoarse moan was pulled from your lips as Levi withdrew his fingers completely, and he admired the pleasurably obscene sight of your fluids dripping from between your legs. He licked his own fingers clean, and you could only watch with a raging blush on your face as he performed the smutty act while he locked eyes with you.

You took another heavy breath, and you no longer felt like liquid.

“What... what the fuck, Levi?” you laughed between your words. “That was amazing.”

The man hungrily kissed you. It was slightly embarrassing tasting the remnants of yourself on his tongue, but there was a certain vulgarity to it that impossibly turned you on even more.

“I love it,” he growled with an almost primal vibration. “The sounds you make.”

Mortified, you covered your eyes with your hands and gave a small whine, evoking a low and short chuckle from the man above you. Again, he planted a soft kiss on the side of your forehead. Gently, he took one of your wrists and pulled them away from your eyes.

“Are you okay?” he asked with a sprinkling of concern. Maybe he had overdone it.

But holy shit. The way you looked up at him with your big gorgeous eyes, biting your lower lip, only tempting him to reclaim them again...

“I can keep going,” you reassured him with a small nod, no longer covering your face.

The corners of Levi’s lips twitched downwards and his eyebrows were pulled together.

“That’s not what I asked, [f/n],” he proclaimed, grimacing. “Are you okay?”

You smiled, easing Levi’s chest a little, and you released the airy laugh that the Captain loved so much.

“Yes, Levi. I’m fine.”

Pulling the back of Levi’s head, you guided his lips to meet yours in a sweeter exchange, as if you were reassuring him with this soft, little gesture. You felt him smile against you.

When Levi pulled away, his mouth hovering an inch over yours, you felt your body shudder as you heard his tone shift dramatically.

“Good. Safewords are red and yellow.” Oh god. “Now it’s my turn.”

_Oh fuck._

* * *

The ride back to HQ was a fucking nightmare. Between horseback riding with the world’s sorest body (after - ehem - doing some other unorthodox riding of your own), and being accompanied by the world’s grumpiest Captain, the morning had not been your greatest at all. Both you and the Captain felt deathly tired, sore, and exhausted - through nobody’s fault but yourselves - and many other travellers slowed the busy paths as the festival was at its end the day before. Sleepy performers and visitors flooded the usually peaceful trails, and it most certainly didn’t help that your clothes had a slight odour of rainy musk.

“I can basically hear you frowning, Levi,” you jested to the man who rode next to you.

Levi gave a simple tut.

“I still don’t see why we couldn’t stay until the crowd parted.”

You shook your head with a little simper. The moody old man spent the majority of the early hours with his head buried at the back of your neck, arms wrapped around you as he grumbled every excuse to stay an extra two or three hours. He proclaimed that he needed more sleep (which you knew was a lie, you’d seen him run on far less for far longer), or that he had no work to do so it was fine (which, evidentially, you also knew was a lie - did this man forget that you were his assistant for three years?), and now it was because there were too many people travelling the same roads.

Heavily, you sighed. It was so goddamn obvious that the man just wanted to cuddle a little longer, and you honestly would’ve been fine simply being held close and catching a bit more sleep, but the itch on the back of your mind was just too irritating. You and Levi had basically taken an unauthorised leave of absence, and you’d be damned if your record - or Levi’s for that matter - was going to be ruined by a few letters written in pricey red ink. Either way, it was a nice change. You had taken this ride to contemplate the disdain you had for Nanaba’s lack of presence post-sex. It surprised and disappointed you that the woman was not one for aftercare or affection after sex, but it had surprised you even more that Levi was.

Even after both you and your Captain were totally spent, there was still some lazy repartee between the both of you, even as you snuggled closer to his bare chest, right until you fell asleep while running your fingers through Levi’s hair. You were the first to wake thanks to your millisecond-accurate body clock, but even then the man had tried to convince you to act out from your by-the-book nature with affectionate kisses and cutely grumpy mumbles.

Even so, you were sort of unsure of where this left you and Captain Levi. As soon as the pair of you had woken up properly, and had dressed to your most presentable, you were foggy on the stance that the pair of you would be taking from now on. Were you lovers now? Coworkers with benefits? Was it - Goddesses forbid - a one night stand?

You were only going along with it after observing how casual the Captain was once you left the inn. But was this how he wanted things to say?

You released a hefty sigh, totally unsure of how to bring this up.

Sharp ears picked up on the alarming sound, and Levi’s head ticked towards you slightly. He didn’t miss your downturned eyes and taught frown. Oh dear.

You weren’t regretting the night before, were you?

Your knitted eyebrows and faraway look told him that you were lost in thought. But what exactly were you thinking? Shit. He’d punch a few titans if it meant he knew. You were awfully persistent with returning back to HQ - perhaps this was your way of displaying your view on the night before?

Perhaps... he would just wait to see how you’d behave, and then act accordingly. Yes. That seemed appropriate.

Regardless, the pair of you still had a journey to partake in. And although the silence that settled between the pair of you would often have a helping of comfortable companionship, you found yourself too nervous and restless to spend the next few hours listening to strangers and hoofs. 

"So," you hastily began. Your words faltered for a moment as you opened your mouth without a topic to actually talk about. "So... when we get back, you'll have a new assistant." The words that so clumsily fell from your lips sounded a little bit heavier than you'd meant them to be - perhaps even a little bit apologetic. But before you could pick your words up, the Captain spoke.

"And you will have a new squad."

_Oh._

That was right. You had planned to spend the night before writing and submitting accounts about the four individuals that would be taken under your wing, but that had quite obviously fallen apart now. The thought began to worm its way around your thoughts again as you realised that these soldiers - who were barely even adults - would be trusting you with every ounce of their heart on and off the battlefield. Nausea trickled into your stomach and numbed the veins in your hands and throat. Why had you been so excited about this change in the first place?

As he silently observed you from atop his mare, Levi had instantly noticed your stillness and traced his silver eyes along the faraway look in your eyes. He filed through a list of comforting words or advice, and his mind soon docked to the thought of the blonde-haired friend of yours that was constantly by your side. What would she say? You always seemed to shine at her words, so what in the hells could he say to evoke the same reaction? She'd say that you'd do fine - that you'd be the perfect squad leader, and that you'd lead your men to do heroic and great things. Yes, that seemed like a good path of words to follow. 

But Levi's voice became stuck in his throat before he could recite his calculated words, and from him came a strange sort of choking noise, instantly calling your attention as your head snapped up towards your Captain. When your wide and concerned eyes met him, every planned sentence in his head fluttered away, like leaves to the wind.

In a panic, the soldier said the first thing that came to his head.

"They'll probably die."

...

**_Why was he like this?_ **

”I mean-“ Oh gods, Levi, what  ** _did_** you mean?! He scrunched his eyes closed and allowed a frown to tug at his lips. “It is inevitable, and chances are, they’ll die while under your command.”

The Captain could feel his heart sink at the simple thought of seeing you upset, so he didn’t dare open his eyes as he spoke, and continued on facing forwards, his head tilted down slightly. By the gods, why couldn’t he just comfort you like most people seem to comfort the ones they care for? Levi mentally strangled himself as his jaw clenched in irritation.

You chose to stay silent. At a loss for words, you felt no need to protest, or provoke, or even express the weight you felt at your stomach. 

“But what is important is that you ensure that their deaths contribute to humanity’s progress just as much as their waking days had done,” he adviced, voice admirably spilling with conviction and wisdom. “That is your responsibility as a leader. To ensure that even if they are unable to walk a journey to victory, that they are at least made a stepping stone.”

Your breathing had become uneven while Levi spoke. 

You had not realised just how much the crowd around you had dissipated until the sounds that followed Levi’s words consisted of only the clapping of hooves against cobble and the morning serenade of birds above and around you. The Captain had lost people too. Of course, he had. If he said those words because he had yet to lose soldiers to pointless deaths, or the total opposite, you did not know, nor did it matter at all in those moments. Because it was now, at the tail-end of sunrise on the paths leading away from Trost, that you realised that both you and the Captain shared the same values. You recalled the night that you exchanged those same words with Jean when the boy desperately needed comfort. Though your conversation was not quite as matter-of-fact, you know, in your heart, that Levi was doing his best to reassure you. 

For a moment, you wonder if Levi’s lack of sugarcoated words were better than the alternative. Sugar dissolved with time, after all. It always did. Maybe by exposing you to the bitter core, the distasteful reality of it all would melt away sooner. 

Instead of replying with a remark of any kind, you released a little hum of contemplation. You had no words to match the Captain’s, and you felt that any that left your mouth would simply be irrelevant anyway. So instead you focused on the uneven terrain ahead that would lead you and your companion home. After all - you sourly thought to yourself - consequences of last night had yet to catch up with you, and you knew that this could have been the last comfortable silence you could enjoy with Levi. 

The path in front of you was precarious, indeed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys!! Thank you so much for reading, and for your comments <3 I’m going to leave my obligatory ‘I’m sorry for the late update’ here because I really really am. I’ve been struggling a lot with my confidence in writing and I just can’t come up with anything good. Honestly, I could spend all day talking about the things I wish I could change about Gestures, and criticise it for paragraphs. I’ll do my best to see where it goes, though. As always, thank you for reading, your comments, and your kudos! <3 I’ll see you in the next update, wherein the future I hopefully won’t get embarrassed mid-smut and finish writing it lololol


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